Back in the day there was a movie called One Million Years B.C.  It had no plot to speak of and no dialogue except the occasional grunt.  The backdrop of volcanoes and interaction with dinosaurs was poorly edited and rather hokey.  What in the world would prompt anyone to want to see such a film?  I'm thinking it might have been Raquel Welch.  For those of you who don't know Ms.Welch, she was quite a popular actress at the time. (Not necessarily for her acting skills.)  Raquel appeared in the original One Million Years B.C. clad only in an animal skin that evidentally came from a very small animal.  A VERY small animal.  The movie was a hit!
Great news!  The current film of similar title has almost nothing in common with the original.  Of that I am most grateful. (Except I sorta miss Raquel.)  The current 10,000 B.C. is really quite a good flick.  The characters in the movie actually speak and there's a plot.  Film editing has come a long way and the action is very entertaining.  The storyline will seem familiar to you because it is, but this movie is anything but boring.  Snowy mountains, deserts, jungles, and a large river make beautiful back drops for a journey you'll enjoy taking with the main characters in this action-adventure.  My favorite part was when the hero of the story ended up in a pit with a sabre tooth tiger the size of a mini-van.  Wanna know what happened?  I ain't tellin'.....
The movie is rated PG-13, but I'm not sure why.  I guess 'cause some of the action is a little violent.  Ten year olds probably see more blood and guts on video games than they would at this film.  But I have no dog in the ratings fight,so PG-13 it is.  The wooly mastadons are cool, the heroes are brave and true.  Have fun at this one.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    2008 Summer Olympics: Beijing :    G    2008    (16 Days x 24 hours x 60) mins
Communist China is a totalitarian government. A dragon is the country's national symbol. Just a few shining stars on a blood red flag is an apt analogy for the land of Chairman Mao. But for sixteen glorious days in the month of August, the Year of our Lord 2008, the sun shone brightly over Beijing.
The best of the best from all over the Globe came in pursuit of precious medals made from precious metals. And they acquired them! Glory was achieved and records were set.(Don't you just swell up with pride when American boys and girls climb the awards risers to receive the symbols of their hard-won achievements? The American Flag ascending skyward in the background. The National Anthem sounding proudly from the speakers!)
The obvious pride and skill of the Chinese people was placed on the World stage and like all good householders, they hid their dirty laundry and only displayed their best China. Don’t you do the same when you have guests? The infamy of Tiananmen Square was overshadowed by True Light, if but only for a little while. I believe that God smiles when His children are at play. When they beat their swords into javelins and their spears become vaulting poles.
Hope does indeed spring eternal, and never more sprightly than during the Olympic Games. Despite the insidious intentions of the media, even the normally annoying politicians have the good grace to shut up.(Or at least tone it down for those two weeks.)
The athletes never disappoint. The overwhelming majority of them have pure hearts and clear minds. The rattle and hum is shut out by their uncanny ability to focus on the task at hand. The few bad apples most assuredly do not spoil the whole bunch.
The opening ceremony was stunning and unforgettable. A dear friend of mine recorded it for me, and I'll always cherish it.
Even the phenomenally inept coverage by NBC couldn't ruin this great event. I have the utmost respect for marathon runners, but who in the world wants to watch them run for two and a half hours? Five minute updates every fifteen minutes or so would have done fine. Many of the Olympic favorites that have been cherished for over a hundred years were shown in the wee hours of the morning. Ridiculous!
NBC had at its command the most advanced technology of all time , and they stunk the place up. The human interest stories weren't interesting. I can "Google" the word "China" and find out more about the people, the geography, and the architecture of the country in 30 minutes then NBC showed us in sixteen days!
I understand that the network was hoping to turn the Olympics into a social event for women that don't normally watch sports so that they could market products to them. But gee whiz folks, don’t neglect the millions upon millions of loyal fans that this event already has in favor of a segment of the population that at the end of the day, may or may not support this cherished event! It's obvious that "The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat" is a concept that completely eludes NBC.
Perhaps ABC will again be awarded the contract to present the next Olympic Games. In the past, that network has captured the heart and soul of the Games and presented the real "Wide World of Sports" that Olympic competition is with passion and mastery. ABC has, many times before, televised the Games in grand fashion for ALL to enjoy. Here's hoping....
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    2012 :            PG-13            2009            158 mins

Do you like disaster movies? If you do, you will be pleased with "2012".

All of the usual spills and thrills are contained in this flick and the action is pretty much constant from beginning to end.

The first rule of movie making is for the thing to be entertaining. This two hour and thirty-eight minute juggernaut is all that and more.

An Oscar contender? By no means. A waste of time? Certainly not. God's name was taken in vain unnecessarily a few times, but other than that major faux paux, the language wasn't bad. The "sex" was a little breast fondling in the grocery store, not a steamy re-enactment of "Nine 1/2 Weeks".

Will I see it again? No. Am I glad I saw it once? Yep. The weather was rainy and cold outside. The theater was warm and popcorny inside. "2012" was a fun movie.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

Let's not beat around the bush, this unexpected suprise party is smokin' hot! I was worn out when I stepped out of my old truck at the theatre parking lot. I had just completed six grueling hours helping my son Zach move into his new house. I almost didn't even go to the movies. I noticed on the marquee' that "21" was the only movie I hadn't seen yet and I was a little disappointed. I remembered when the college kids had gotten caught counting cards in Vegas; (it was a fairly big news story back in the day when it actually took place). I figured it would be a mundane story to watch. Boy was I ever wrong!
Kevin Spacey played the part of a university professor of, shall we say, questionable motives. His acting was what you'd expect-flawless. Lawrence Fishburne brought his ominous intensity into full fruition as a hired gun for the casino bosses. But Jim Sturgess and Kate Bosworth as Ben Campbell and Jill Taylor absolutely stole the show. I never have seen either of them before in my recollection, but I feel certain I'll see them again! The balance of the cast provided realism in the execution of their parts.
Remember when your daddy told you that if you lie down with dogs you'll get up with fleas? That lesson is in this story. Did you ever read in the Bible the verse that says be assured that your sin will find you out? That lesson is in this story. This flick takes the viewer through a fall from grace to redemption to revenge and back again. I think all of the Seven Deadly Sins were dabbled in during the course of these events and it's hard to tell the sinners from the saints without a score card. In fact, the sinners and the saints are the same people. (Sounds like real life doesn't it?)
This movie had lots of action. Not "Indiana Jones" action, but a steady supply of attention-grabbing action. At a card table? Yes at a card table. Once you've seen this film, you'll know what I mean. And folks, you need to see this film. It's the suprise hit of the spring season and it will have you on the edge of your seat!
Tks, Joel

PS: One cool thing I need to mention. There's a dance re-mix of the Rolling Stones' hit "You Can't Always Get What You Want" at the end of the movie that will blow your mind! Be sure and stay for it.    << Close Review

The problem with most of the vampire movies set in modern times is that they are stupid!  The more traditional vampire stories conjure up visions of past centuries and mysterious figures of which we can barely conceive-and that's the good guys!  The gold standard for these classics is Bram Stoker's "Dracula".   How can you go wrong with Frances Ford Coppola directing, and stars like Anthony Hopkins, Keanu Reeves, Gary Oldman, and Winona Ryder as the cast?  Vampire films set in modern times haven't faired as well-until now.
"Thirty Days of Night" is a very good film, and not just for a vampire movie.  The Vampires are relieved that they don't have to worry about sunlight for a month and the small town folks are like most of us -they don't really believe in vampires. (at least not right away)  Even if you don't typically care for this type of movie, I think you would enjoy this one.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    A Christmas Carol :            PG            2009            96 mins

Long ago, in a Ford Galaxy far, far away, I was born. (Or was that conceived?) Anyway, some of my fondest memories from that ever more distant past, was anything written by Charles Dickens. I especially loved A CHRISTMAS CAROL.

Ebeneezer Scrooge was a heartless, stingy, mean old codger that stayed permanently mad and always hateful. He not only frightened children, he frightened adults!

His equally irascible business partner "Marley" (that would be "Jacob", not "Bob"), came to visit old Ebenezer one night. It seems Mr. Scrooge was willing to listen to some "friendly" advice from his old buddy, especially since Marley was looking hideous and scary. After all, he'd been dead for seven years at that point.

Jacob informed Scrooge that he would be visited by three Spirits. Ebeneezer allowed as how he'd "rather not", in what was, in my opinion, one of the most perfectly timed line deliveries ever.

Jim Carrey did at least nine of the voices in this computer animated film, and was perfect at all of them.

Disney Studios spared no expense at bringing this literally timeless classic to the big screen.

Robert Zemeckis had the unenviable task of taking this done-to-death story and making it brand new and interesting. Apparently, Mr. Zemeckis was undaunted by the challenge. He simply turned to a past master, (his bad self) and flawlessly executed this project from inception to fruition.

It's not necessary to see the movie in 3D, but it sure enhances the experience if you can. I actually saw it on the flat screen, and was then fortunate enough to see it a few days later in IMAX 3D. The first time was very good. But the IMAX 3D is not possible to adequately describe!

One word of caution: The official PG rating was for "scary sequences and images". Please don't take that warning lightly. A took my eight and ten year old grandkids to see it and they were fine. I wouldn't take a five year old. PG means "parental guidance". You know your kids better than anyone else. So parents please: GUIDE!

That caveat having been voiced, I sincerely believe that you owe it to yourself and your family to catch this flick if you can. It is incredibly well done.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Alice in Wonderland :            PG            2010            108 mins

3-Delicious, 3-Delightful, 3-Deedledee, and 3-Deedledum, 3-D Alice has finally come! (To a 3-D theatre near you!).

I love a good re-imagining of a time-tested story, don't you? Screenwriter Linda Woolverton has given us just that. With all due respect to the original writer Lewis Carroll, Woolverton takes us BACK to Wonderland several years on. Nineteen year old Alice is about to be wed to a man she doesn't love. She is considered to be something of a flighty girl; undisciplined. Very nearly uncouth.

At Tim Burton's direction, the audience falls down a rabbit hole with Alice (Mia Wasikowska). She wonders, upon arriving in "Underland/Wonderland" if her previous visit had all been a dream. She wonders in fact, if THIS visit is a dream.

Burton is a past and current master of this genre'. His direction or production of "The Nightmare Before Christmas" (1993), "Big Fish" (2003), "Corpse Bride" (2005), and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (2005), leave a searchable public record of his accomplishments. (And that's just a short list!)

Johnny Depp and Mr. Burton felt THE MAD HATTER, as 'crazy like a fox', would be the way that well-known character could best be expanded for this truly multi-dimensional project. They were right. Two masters of their craft collaborating again was exciting to watch. These two fellas go back a long way together. Remember "Edward Scissorhands" (1990)? How about 1999's "Sleepy Hollow"? Oh yeah, these boys make beautiful music together.

Helena Bonham Carter owns roles like "The Red Queen" (formerly "The Queen of Hearts" in Carrol's original story.) She can depict a frightening, maniacal, witch better than anyone working in movies today. (I wouldn't ask her out. She scares me!) "What a regrettably large head you have." THE MAD HATTER observes. "I would very much like to hat it."

Alice eventually discovers why "The White Rabbit" had come to the surface to seek her out on the day she was to be formally engaged to a sniveling member of royalty. She didn't relish the task before her, but eventually realizes that...that...that what? I'm not going to tell you!

ALICE IN WONDERLAND has been a much anticipated film-making effort. When you take every member of your family from eight to eighty to see this film, (and you MUST do that), you'll see why!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

The great Christian preacher Andrew Womack once said that each of us is born with a hole in our heart.  We will fill that hole with something - be it good or be it bad.  In Alpha Dog the young people depicted have chosen to forsake love and the milk of human kindness for all manner of evil.  Drugs are an everyday part of their direction-less lives.  Violence is their only constant.  Death is inevitable.
Set in California (where else?), their suburban L.A. lives have been shaped by video games and television (what else?).  With parents who threw money at them instead of love; whose own lives are a pitiful self-induced trainwreck, these kids grew up seduced and abandoned by lust and power.  Evil only has one direction-down into the abyss.  Evil only has one intent-the destruction of good.
Enter into this cesspool the embodiment of innocence:  A fifteen year old youngster as yet untouched by the Hell on earth these fools have wrought.  I am going to tell you what happens because I don't want you to watch this heartbreak unfold.  Because they are without a clue about how to deal with ANYTHING in a reasonable fashion, they decide that killing the boy whose brother ripped them off is good business.
To call this a cautionary tale is too weak an analogy.  Were it not for the absolutely filthy language that was spewed from their mouths every other word, and the ultra-violence that was displayed from the opening scene until the last frame, I'd say sit your teenagers down and watch this together.  Make them understand that this movie, which was inspired by real events, is the final result of cheap sex, illegal drugs, and pointless violence.  This film is a truly sad mirror of our times.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

This movie is too cute.  I took my eight year old grandson to see this film and we both went away smiling.  It's easy to overlook the simple pleasures in life.  We all just live too fast these days.  But this little gem is precious.  Sophisticated? Heck no!  What kid do you know that wants sophisticated?  This thing is silly to the max!
The Chipmunks are all updated and hip, but haven't lost one bit of their historic loveableness and charm.  This warm fuzzy fest made me feel exactly the way I felt the first time I ever heard the Chipmunks singing back in the Fifties in their unique style.  I was a child, and I was delighted. ( I think one of the reasons I later became a fan of the Bee Gees is because they sounded like the Chipmunks!)
Grandma and paw-paw, mom and dad, buddy and sis- all God's children will love this heartwarming movie.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

Wowzer, what a great flick!  You would naturally expect that a film directed by Ridley Scott would be quite good, and he does not disappoint.  The casting director should be given a medal for this one.
Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Cuba Gooding Jr., Armand Assante and Josh Brolin lead a phenominal cast of dozens who did an impeccable job.  You'd think these heavyweights would be stepping all over each other in an upstage battle from Hell, but the interaction was flawless.  Frank Lucas, (Denzel) was a real-life drug lord operating in Harlem during the Vietnam War.  The fact that Frank was originally from my home state of North Carolina almost made me proud, despite his unsavory line of work. How did Denzel do in the role?  You know how he did - Super!  I am begining to think he can perform no other way.  Additionally, I am constantly surprised by Russell Crowes' ability to play such diverse roles.  As the cop who goes after the bad guy he takes on yet another unfamiliar role for him and does it up right.  Armand Assante was flawless as the Mafia Don, ( I think the F.B.I. should investigate Mr.Assante, after seeing him in this film, I believe he is a Mafiaso.)  Cuba Gooding Jr. was Cuba Gooding Jr.; have you ever seen him deliver a less than stellar portrayal in any movie that he has ever done?  Cuba's a genius.  Josh Brolin just keeps getting better and better all the time.  I hated his character in this flick and you will too.  That of course, was what Josh was hoping for, and he delivered in spades.
I could go on and on about "American Gangster" folks, but I'm not going too.  We Americans love a good gangster movie, and this is as good as they come.  Think of your favorite one from the past and this will match it.  You'd be crazy not to catch this story.  Run, run, run to the theatre; this is one you don't want to miss. (Be careful crossing the street).
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Avatar :            PG-13            2009            162 mins

Avatar opens Pandora's box, and let’s loose the unique inhabitants of a mystical planet.

Visually stunning and Tolkienesque in its story telling, director James Cameron's Pandora is a world unlike any we've ever seen.

Amazing in their revelatory detail, the film technicians behind Pandora's simple, yet grand wonders just dazzle the mind: Space-age-Trojan-sea horses; hammer-head rhinoceros; streamlined pterodactyl dragons that rocket across the sky like ancient, metaphysical F-15s. Floating mountains. Ancient forests.

The People, as they call themselves, are Star Wars/African/Native American-type folk that love a single god and each other with an affection whose depth can't be measured. They are totally at one with their universe: Their god, their natural surroundings, and their brothers and sisters.

Aggression is not The People's first, or best, quality. But it can be summoned when necessary. Their fierceness is unmatched by any war machine known to ordinary men.

Reeling still from my total immersion in this beautiful experience, I can only hope that you will make time to journey to Pandora yourself. You will never forget it.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Babylon A.D. :            PG-13            2008            90 mins
Vin Diesel needs no introduction. (Does he girls?) But a skinny Telly Savalas - lookin' pretty/ugly face will only get you so far. There's got to be some substance right? Well, not so far. Stage presence has done the trick up to this point. But even I must admit the old boy does "cool" very well indeed.
Weak scripts and lame dialogue, second tier co-stars , and narrowly focused subject matter actually seems to have helped Vin out! Maybe those things were so shallow that he looked impressive by contrast.
Please don't misunderstand. I enjoy uncomplicated , easy-greasy flicks. Many of the films I view are engaged at the end of a long week when I have experienced WAY too much substance and just need a few cheap thrills. I cut my teeth on Charles Bronson and Clint Eastwood. Far be it from me to belittle one of their heirs-apparent!
But lo! What light from yonder window doth break? Old Vinnie- Boy may have fallen out of a tree with this'n. "Babylon A.D." is a pretty darn good movie! I actually don't think the director meant for it to be. I am sure the producers were hoping for more of the same: Just the usual , dependable , quick trip to the bank that Mr. Diesel normally provides for them.
But man , what a great surprise "Babylon A.D." jumped up and became! This whole crew went way beyond any expectations most folks had for this film. We all would have watched Vin look mean , act cool , beat up some bad guys , make the ladies swoon , and then we would've gone home satisfied. But we got more than we bargained for. Much more.
I seriously don't believe that this action movie was originally meant to be all that it turned out to be. A friend of mine at the Media Leader and I were discussing the tiger director Mathieu Kassovitz had by the tail. Screen writer Eric Besnard must have been pulling his hair out trying to decide what to leave in and what to take out of author Maurice Dantec's sci-fi thriller. There is a lot of story crammed into this 90 minute adventure. I'll bet they could have made a trilogy out of this project if they were of a mind too.
Action-packed almost science-fiction-thriller-adventure movie. Is it All That?
Yes! All that and a pot of neck bones! Gotta run, I'm going to see it again by golly!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

When a Special Ops soldier asks you what you think of a movie you haven't actually seen yet, you only have two choices: go see the movie, or tell him you don't think you'd like it and have no intention of seeing it! (At which point you would most likely carry home a butt-kicking.) Such was my dilemma. Naturally, I chose option "A".
Within five minutes of the start of this film I knew I was in trouble. It seemed weak and only mildly amusing. Then I remembered the "Death From Above" motto those soldier boys have and decided that I wanted to try and like this movie. How do you tell a guy you really like and admire (and who could snap your neck in 4 seconds) that you aren't really turned on by a movie that he thought was very funny?
Then I decided to "man up". Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. If I don't like it, I'll just by golly tell him I don't like it! I'll practice a few of my old karate moves, and if I don't pull a groin muscle we'll just "open up a can" and see what happens!
While I was battling all this out in my head, and wondering if my health insurance was paid up, something weird happened. This caterpillar of a movie morphed into a butterfly!
What the director couldn't quite pull together in the first few minutes of the film, suddenly jelled. The awkwardness and weak jokes were replaced with seamless one-liners and sight gags. The physical humor and stupid faces were hilarious. The camera angles worked and the film editing enhanced the whole operation. VERY COOL! Folks, this movie is funny!
Thanks for scaring me into going to this movie Aaron, I really enjoyed it bro'.
Tks, Joel

P.S.: Because of you I found my old karate uniform too. I'll have to let the pants out some, but that's just because I'm twice the man I used to be! (Keep it in mind buddy....)
    << Close Review

    Bad Teacher :            R            2011            92 mins


Folks, we have a bumper crop of movie comedies this summer season! It's been many moons since this many funny flicks have been in the theatres all at one time. They range from 92 to 106 minutes in length. From "G" to "R" in rating.

CARS II (G), THE ZOOKEEPER (PG), and MR. POPPERS PENGUINS (PG) are family friendly flicks that nearly anyone could see, from your five-year-old daughter to your 85-year-old grandma.

BAD TEACHER and HORRIBLE BOSSES (both "R" rated), are decidedly NOT for everyone. They are raunchy, racy, and low-brow. Strictly adults only.

All five films have the listed "FYI's" in common. They also have something else in common: THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! (Notice the number "5" ["great"] rating in the comedy category for ALL five of the films in this review).

The biggest suprise out of this crop was THE ZOOKEEPER. I was concerned that it might be a light-weight among these other heavier-weighted contenders. I needn't have worried. In fact, it MAY be the funniest one of the bunch!

It's been unusually hot and stormy this year. Get into a theater, buy some snacks, and cool off with "cool" comedies. Movies still give more bang for the buck than many other forms of entertainment. Take some time off and take advantage of that fact.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Bangkok Dangerous :            R            2008            99 mins
Smooth and stylish, captivating and powerful, this film noir is dangerous and beautiful. Realistic / unrealistic / surrealistic can't co-exist simultaneously can they? They do in this stunning flick.
Nicholas Cage will apparently take any role offered to him. And why not? He brings his mysterious, edgy, controlling stage presence to all of the projects he's involved in. His confidence in his own abilities is impressive.
"Joe" (Cage) is an assassin on assignment in Bangkok. Joe is very successful in his line of work because he has rules of engagement. Rules that he never breaks. Wealthy, stealthy, and cunning to the core, Joe is absolutely ruthless and without remorse. But Joe has a problem.
Having already decided that this four-target "hit" would be his last job before retirement he opts for a political assassination. "The truth is, almost anyone can take out a politician. That's not the hard part. The hard part is getting away with it." Big jobs require big money. Retirement requires big money. It's a match made in Hell. No matter though, he’s made up his mind. This is the end of his killing for hire.
Getting deeply cut in a fight during one altercation he can not go the hospital. A side walk pharmacy offers some material potentially useful to healing his knife wound. (The one in his arm) The helpful pharmacist offers some assistance potentially useful to healing his other wound. The one only she can see; the one in his heart.
Their ensuing love story is tender and engaging. He takes her to dinner. Meets her mother. The whole thing. "Feelings" can be a liability for a hit-man though. Next thing you know he'll be breaking some of those hard and fast rules. You know how women are. Always wanting to soften you up. Turns out she's deaf and mute though. (Two qualities that I find endearing in a woman) Romance might not be such a bad deal after all!
Joe trains an apprentice of sorts. A sidekick named "Kong”. An heir apparent. There Joe goes again, fussing with the rules. How will it all end?
You can find out when you see this one for yourself. And you must see it. "One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble." So the old song goes . This movie will surprise you with it's depth of storyline and quality of entertainment. It is a top-notch film. I didn't want it to end.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Battle: Los Angeles :            PG-13            2011            116 mins

I had very low expectations for this film. After "2012" and "Skyline", I almost dreaded the thought of going to see it!

At the last minute my buddy Mike showed up at the theatre, and I knew he wanted to watch it. Reluctantly, I agreed.

Boy was I ever wrong!

BATTLE: LOS ANGELES is no less than a classic war movie. What a surprise!

I was expecting a poorly done "Transformers" or "Terminator" knock-off. It's not like that at all. I was stunned and pleasantly taken aback by the excellence of this film.

"Battle L.A." is solid and believable. Two virtues not usually found in the "aliens-have-come-to-Earth-to-exterminate-us" flicks.

Cohesive and seamless, this ain't yer grandpa's G.I. Joe story. Very realistic modern Marine warfare that could have been fought against Middle-Eastern insurgents but wasn't. The enemy just happens to be from outer space, and that bizarre scenario is made very believable in this surprisingly well-crafted smash hit.

Remember, these men are Marines, not Sunday school teachers. Thankfully, there isn't a steady stream of foul language because the fighting men's mission is to rescue a group of civilians that includes three children and a woman. The Marines are mindful of that, and keep the expletives down to a low roar. But when it does occasionally happen, the men let 'er rip. The cussing is infrequent, takes up little dialogue or screen time, but does exist. Again, they're Marines, not baby-sitters.

Folks, BATTLE: LOS ANGELES is a truly action-packed, very intense, hugely enjoyable war-movie. I've seen it twice and would go again.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Bolt :            PG            2008            96 mins
John Travolta is a national treasure isn't he? This man can do anything. His filmography would fill a page top to bottom! Remember when he was on "Welcome Back Cotter"? Funny kid even way back when. Then of course "Saturday Night Fever". Before filming he had two left feet. He took dance lessons 40 hours a week for six months. A recent survey of what dancing style women find attractive here in the first decade of the 21 Century? You guessed it-the way Travolta danced in that famous film.
In his latest endeavor, John is the voice for a "famous" TV dog: BOLT! To speak the part of an animated character is difficult. The timing alone is a killer. But just like everything else he sets his mind to, Mr. Travolta shines out loud.
Ms. Miley Cyrus is cute as a button as "Bolt's" person "Penny”. I think that perhaps the artist formerly known as "Hanna Montana" may just follow a similar path as her co-star Travolta. She too has started as a youngster in her chosen career, and has already segued from a tween to a teen pretty successfully.
You just want to strangle "The Agent" , voiced by Greg Germann, and the perfectly malevolent Malcolm McDowell strikes again as "Dr. Calico". (Complete with mean cats, I might add...) All the "voices" in this flick are perfectly suited to their characters.
No, it's not "Toy Story" or “Monsters Inc.", but it's a darn fine little number suited to toddlers on up. Forget that "PC" / PG nonsense, there’s nothing wrong with taking the least among us to this outing. Give 'em a nap and they'll still be up in time to take advantage of matinee' pricing. That leaves enough money for popcorn! Yea!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Bruno :            R (in my opinion XXX)            2009            83 mins

BRUNO is an absolute 24 carat, rotating piece of garbage. A triple X- rated gay porno film that is utterly offensive from beginning to end.
When this flick is ultimately scorned (and it will be), and Cohen ultimately loses whatever political capitol he is attempting to create in the film world (and he will), he'll try to explain that he was merely discrediting homosexuality in a humorous fashion and trying to "reveal" it as harmless, pointless, misguided, and silly.(All of which it is NOT. It is dangerous and powerful immorality). He'll say he was just trying to make straight people uncomfortable. I don't believe "Bruno's" lie for a single moment.
With this film Sacha Baron Cohen is actually trying to discredit preachers, Christianity, the military, and decent, straight, common folk with his perverted antics. He has an agenda and that agenda is "full frontal"; not at all hidden. This movie celebrates homosexuality and does it in a very inappropriate manner.
When some marginally-talented, half-baked movie star wanna-be makes light of Jesus Christ, he's walking on the fightin' side of me. He's blaspheming the Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Even in the secular world, it's obvious that this clown is holding a losing hand.
Folks, pray for Mr. Cohen.
Sasha, you wouldn't like Hell. Unlike your career, it's very hot and everlasting.

Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Cars 2 :            G            2011            106 mins


Folks, we have a bumper crop of movie comedies this summer season! It's been many moons since this many funny flicks have been in the theatres all at one time. They range from 92 to 106 minutes in length. From "G" to "R" in rating.

CARS II (G), THE ZOOKEEPER (PG), and MR. POPPERS PENGUINS (PG) are family friendly flicks that nearly anyone could see, from your five-year-old daughter to your 85-year-old grandma.

BAD TEACHER and HORRIBLE BOSSES (both "R" rated), are decidedly NOT for everyone. They are raunchy, racy, and low-brow. Strictly adults only.

All five films have the listed "FYI's" in common. They also have something else in common: THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! (Notice the number "5" ["great"] rating in the comedy category for ALL five of the films in this review).

The biggest suprise out of this crop was THE ZOOKEEPER. I was concerned that it might be a light-weight among these other heavier-weighted contenders. I needn't have worried. In fact, it MAY be the funniest one of the bunch!

It's been unusually hot and stormy this year. Get into a theater, buy some snacks, and cool off with "cool" comedies. Movies still give more bang for the buck than many other forms of entertainment. Take some time off and take advantage of that fact.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

This movie was absolutely delightful. (Did I just say "absolutely delightful".  I can't believe it.  "Absolutely delightful" is one of those phrases that people write on paper, but nobody actually says out loud.)  At any rate, I digress.  Tom Hanks is the grey emminence of the Hollywood elite; a past and current master of the craft.  He of course brings a high level of competence to any role he accepts.  The role of U.S. congressman Charlie Wilson is no exception.
Congressman Wilson is a borderline drunk and a full-blown philanderer. (One of his Washington D.C. assistants, all of whom are female, is nicknamed "jail bait" - you get the idea).  Old Charlie is the wrong guy in the right place at the right time.  He reluctantly backs into the task of helping out the Afghans in their 1970's era war with the "Evil Empire", as President Ronald Reagan called the U.S.S.R. back then.  Turns out his heart, of all things, would let him do no other.
His two main encouragers are true patriots.  Julie Roberts is the wealthy Texan Joanne Herring.  Mrs. Herring is unaccustomed to taking no for an answer.  Her powers of persuasion assure her of cooperation on Charlies part.  He folds like a lawn chair.  Phillip Seymour Hoffman as C.I.A. agent Gust Avrakotos is perfect for the role.  Having had about enough of political nonsense, he suddenly finds himself face-to-face with a politician that might actually care.
This dynamic trio puts all of the right pieces into the puzzle at the right time and actually accomplishes something good in the World.  Folks,you'll enjoy this movie.  It's absolutely delightful!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

CLOVERFIELD:  Godzilla eats New York; (as filmed by "The Blair Witch Project" crew).  When the folks who taped the Blair Witch Project introduced this specific technique it was interesting.  The Cloverfield people took it to the next level.
This movie is very intense and captivating.  I couldn't keep my eyes off of the screen for a second.  If someone in the theatre had tapped me on the shoulder, I would have screamed like a girl and passed out.  I was in that tunnel with those poor folks and freaked out!
No big names in this one and it's not destined for greatness, but still well worth watching.  The plot is predictable but engaging.  Very violent with non-stop action and drama.
Leave the little ones with grandma and escape to the movies.  Grab a big bag of popcorn and a large drink.  Have some fun.  You won't have to try to figure anything out with this flick.  Just enjoy!
Tks,Joel    << Close Review

    Coraline :            PG            2009            100 mins

Listen to me. Slow your mind down long enough to focus on what I'm saying. There are no adjectives strong enough to describe this film. One day, CORALINE will take its rightful place along side "The Wizard of Oz" and "Alice in Wonderland" as a timeless classic.
CORALINE is an absolutely flawless masterpiece which can not be accurately described. The animator is the same fellow that did the animation for "The Nightmare Before Christmas". Although this project isn't a Tim Burton film, you will recognize the artwork. It was not done by computer, but frame by frame the old fashioned way. Tedious I'm sure, but the results speak for themselves!
Henry Selick is the director, Dakota Fanning the voice of "Coraline", and Teri Hatcher is "Mother/Other Mother". If you have ever wondered exactly how the Devil tempts people, pay attention to "Other Mother". If you have ever wondered why your minister tells you not to listen to the Devil, pay attention to "Other Mother".
Here's my suggestion: Go see this movie, and take everyone you know over the age of eight with you. (Younger kids might be a little too frightened by some scenes). Once you've seen CORALINE, it will be burned into your psyche forever.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Cowboys and Aliens :            PG-13            2011            118 mins

I THOUGHT that a true western and a true sci-fi flick would be mutually exclusive.

I THOUGHT that "Cowboys and Aliens" would be a parody of itself.

I THOUGHT that basing a movie on invaders from outer space attacking a western town in 1873 was a very risky proposition that was director John Favreau's to screw up.

I THOUGHT WRONG! (That's what I get for thinking).

My friends, this thing works! I tried my best to rate it a "4". I attended a second viewing hoping to find something that would keep it at a "4". (I loved the flick, but was almost embarrassed that I did.) The second screening only worked to convince me more than ever that "Cowboys and Aliens" is a true "five"; my highest rating!

Daniel Craig was excellent as "Jake Lonergan", a stranger with amnesia. Olivia "almost drove me" Wilde, was truly captivating as “Ella". (Those eyes, oh my...). Harrison Ford will apparently never grow tired of wowing us with his portrayals. Here he plays "Colonel Woodrow Dolarhyde" a truly hardened ex-military officer that has seen it all- until now.

The Apaches, the outlaws, the cattlemen, the town folk, all are forced to join together and try to defeat this seemingly unstoppable foe. Remember, these western folk have never even seen (or heard of) a car or an airplane, let alone a hyper-sonic outer space craft!

Folks, I have seen and enjoyed all the "Summer Blockbusters" released so far this season. COWBOYS AND ALIENS holds its own against "Deathly Hallows", and SURPASSES the rest of the field. It's that good. You can't not like it!

Just writing about it makes me want to go see it again! By golly I'm going to! See you at the movies!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Death Race :            R            2008            89 mins
In reality, I have no desire to hook-up with a prison wench and car race to the death. In my fantasies? That's a different story!
Someday, somebody will make the next great ROAD WARRIOR epic. Until then, it's any port in a storm.
"Death Race" is a very suitable port indeed. Violent? Crazy? Impossible? Oh yea!
The dialogue is rough. The girls are rough. (Hurt me mamma...) The cars are bad to the bone.
You'll hate Joan Allen as the wicked warden of the prison. You can't wait 'till her monkey-boy captain of the guards "gets his".
The cons are despicable. (Except for the few misunderstood souls that don't belong there. Ya right!) You'll enjoy them.
But this movie isn't really about people. It's about mayhem, and nobody serves up mayhem better than Jason Statham. Everything you expect to see from him you'll get.
"Death Race' isn't for the squeamish, but I'm not squeamish. If you're not squeamish, you'll probably enjoy this high octane, action- packed revenge flick.
Tks, Joel

PS: "Squeamish" is a funny-sounding word isn't it? I just like saying it, "Squeamish", "Squeamish". Sounds like "Beevis and Butthead" doesn't it?
    << Close Review

    District 9 :            R            2009            112 mins

In Johannesburg, South Africa there is a filthy landfill inhabited by a displaced race. In this place, apartheid is alive and running rampant. The ruling class has named it District 9.

The occupants of this desolate hell have spiraled down into complete degradation. Any spark of decency that might once have existed is gone. Except for Chris and his son, District 9's populace seems worthy only of a 'Final Solution'.

Our hero, Wikus Van De Merwe, is a complete dolt. A loyal company man and willing sycophant, he suffers under the delusion that the blind faith in your leaders requires. He is willing to do WHATEVER it takes to make his boss/father-in-law proud of him. After all he must 'get ahead' for the sake of this man's daughter, a woman he loves completely.

The only human inhabitants of this three dimensional nightmare are more animalistic than 'The Prawns' (visitors from another planet that lost their way 20 years earlier and inadvertently took a left turn into Hell). A Nigerian warlord quickly moved into District 9, and made a 'bad' situation much, much worse. This warlord could teach the devil a few new tricks.

Folks, the absolute realism of this sci-fi fable simply cannot be overstated. Giants of the genre, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Gene Roddenberry would give anything from the left side of their bodies to portray this instant classic with such captivating realism. If anesthetized with sodium pentathol and asked while in that state, if the events portrayed by this documentary style film were fact or fiction, the average person would swear on their mother's eyes that every bit was true. After all, it was filmed live by the media, EVERY STEP of the way. Camera men were embedded with the men and women of MNU and the military. Does the camera lie?

Despite the fact that the F-bomb is dropped in nearly every sentence, and the violence is constant and pervasive, the documenting of what would actually happen if this story were true, is worth that mild discomfort.

I highly recommend this movie. The bar for sci-fi has not been raised, it has been blown to pieces.

Favorite Line: "I think Daddy has been lying to me."

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

At the end of the week sometimes I am just tired. I may not be in the mood for an Osacar contender. Just gimme a simple comedy... That's what you get here. Drillbit Taylor (Owen Wilson) is a bum. Literally. Three freshmen in high school are geeks that get beat-up and tormented daily. They hire "Drillbit" as a body guard, not because he's good, but because he's cheap.
Predictable and a theme you've seen a thousand times, this flick is none the less enjoyable. It moves right along and provides steady laughs throughout. (Nothing worse than a "plodder" when you're tired and irritable.) The violence is closer to slap-stick than butt-kick and the nudity is two girls in teenie bikinis for a few seconds. Any sex is implied, not illustrated. You could take your momma to this movie.
We all enjoy these types of films, judging by their popularity. Beer is not as sophisticated as champagne, but it still out-sells it. Spend a little time relaxing at this one. I believe you'll enjoy it.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Drive Angry 3D :            R            2011            104 mins

Talk about your road rage! Sheesh!

An "innocent" man escapes from Hell, right under the devil's nose. He comes back to the land of the living to save his infant granddaughter from satanists posing as "holy-rollers" who want to sacrifice her in a blood ritual to said devil.

The devil sends his head demon (that's demon, not deacon), to actually help the innocent man in his rescue attempt.

We discover that the devil apparently has a soft side and doesn't actually approve of children being sacrificed to him.

Now, the devil really does go about the whole Earth, seeking whom he might DEVOUR. Child sacrifice is an unthinkable evil that is right up his alley. Why would he stop it? That's major misconception number two.

What's major misconception number one? That there are any innocent people in Hell.

Does the whole plot sound absurd? GOOD, you're still sane! The plot is ridiculous!

You all know that I like Nicolas Cage. WHAT!? Nicolas Cage is in this el-diablo-bomb-a-reno? Sadly, the answer is yes.

I have long feared that Mr. Cage’s willingness to accept any role no matter how weak in a self-confident attempt to elevate it to an acceptable level was risky business that would one day come back to bite him.

With "Con Air" he was walking along the red ledge that teeters just above the abyss. With "Drive Angry" he has plummeted off the cliff.

The only thing that saved this farce from being a "zero" for me, were the cool old muscle cars. I like hot rods, but the cars didn't make this clunker of a film worth seeing.

No matter how you look at it, DRIVE ANGRY 3D is just one for the junkyard.

PS: It is my obligation to point out that the rating for this film in my opinion should be an "X". There are completely nude people in this movie. The cussing is non-stop, and the violence is constant.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Eagle Eye :            PG-13            2008            118 mins
Like a bullet train in Tokyo, this action film screams across the big screen for a two hour thrill ride. When it starts, it starts right up and immediately gets to chooglin'. When it stops, you're breathless.
Just like an amusement ride, this flick won't have any long-term effect on your life, but it sure is fun while it lasts. Intriging ideas about what a computer can and can not do. How much privacy we may or may not have. Man against technology. The little guy raging against the machine as it were. All the techno-weirdo stuff we love to ponder.
Like a "Dollar Menu-naire", I was very satisfied with this entertaining little effort. Wasn’t expecting prime rib; didn't get it. That Shia LaBeouf kid is in yet another decent movie. He’s quite the popular actor lately. He delivers good solid performances (INDIANA JONES; TRANSFORMERS). He's well schooled in his chosen craft, and we'll probably see much more of him in the future. Not sure about his name though; kinda girly. But hey, John Wayne's real first name was Marion. And then there's Engelbert Humperdink. I guess a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, right Bill?
So let's be glad that we live in a country where we can discuss such inane intricacies as the relative value of a large roll of celluloid film. Don’t worry, be happy. This flick will help you be happy for a little while. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Earth :            G            2009            90 mins

They hadn't seen what I'd seen. As they slipped onto the boulevard effortlessly, but with great anticipation, these young warriors weren't brandishing their light sabers - they were riding them. I knew the hidden power those weapons possessed, and I thought to heighten the experience. I accelerated just enough to seem nonchalant as I blockaded them behind the car in their path.
I wasn't being aggressive. After what I'd just seen, I didn't have a mean bone in my body. I merely wished to cage these birds of paradise for just a moment in time. Enjoying the furtive glances they cast over their left shoulders, anxiously awaiting an opportunity to move out into the night.
After what was actually seconds, but must have seemed like minutes to them, I eased off the accelerator; not leaving a clear gap, just a sliver of space between freedom and tragedy. The prudent would have stayed the course. Waited for a more opportune moment. But these weren't statesmen, they were warriors.
The samurai in the least likely position to succeed was the first to try. He breached the gap as if he'd been shot out of a rifle. The other two snapped quickly through; almost involuntarily, as if tethered by a wire rope to the first one.
"Thanks for the show fellas" I smiled to myself as the biker boyz faded into the night like Roman Candles. But they hadn't seen what I'd seen.
James Earl Jones' voice is like your father's: stern but loving. Powerful but soothing. He narrated the perilous journeys of three distinct animal families from different parts of the EARTH as if talking about his next door neighbors. The audience was mesmerized.
The camera work for EARTH was stunning. Shot frequently from the air, (I guess nobody really does look up...) the intimate moments and insider views were breathtaking. These animals seemed genuinely unaware of man's presence. And the scenery! There really is no artist like God.
Folks, this is not a typical movie. It's a documentary. As such, it rivals anything I've previously viewed of this genre'. Walt Disney the man, has an influence on his successors that has traveled down thru the canyons of time to once again inspire the world.
EARTH does indeed capture the "Circle of Life". From the land, the sea, the air, and yes, even outer space. Most of us will never have the opportunity to see this magnificent stuff in person. But we can experience it from one marvelous vantage point: Cinema at its best. Please go see what I've seen. let the EARTH move you!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Easy A :            PG-13            2010            92 mins

"Quality Entertainment". When it comes to the crock of junk produced by the film industry this past summer, that short phrase is a contradiction in terms!

Masquerading as a movie with a "moral", EASY A ignores its own admonitions:

• "Don't be judgmental".
• "Don't be a hypocrite".
• "Don't spread rumors".

The only apparent moral of this story is to be tolerant of everyone - as long as they're not Christians!

If the target of ridicule here was the Muslim faith, some misguided jihadist would blow up Hollywood.

To give the devil his due, (and trust me, the devil should certainly be listed when the credits are rolling,) this film has some well-crafted humor in it. But it also must set some sort of record for using the Lord's name in vain.

Let's face it, even Charles Manson has an occasional lucid moment, but he still needs to remain locked up.

Want my advice? Sit this one out. It's not worth the risk.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Edge of Darkness :            R            2010            117 mins

Everybody in the cheap seats: DUCK! Mel Gibson just hit one out of the park.

EDGE OF DARKNESS is a suspense filled, powerful, attention-grabbing whodunit. Mr. Gibson can apparently take on any role that he sees fit. Speaking with a very good Massachusetts accent, (remember, he's Australian), he can only keep his grief-stricken mind and heart together for one reason: he intends to find his daughters murderer if it kills him.

"I'm the guy with nothing to lose" he informs one high-powered official who is a vital link in a seemingly endless chain of dirty politicians, thugs for hire, and government contractors who are apparently untouchable.

He's helped by a man named "Jedburgh" (Ray Winstone). A shadow figure, who under different circumstances, would be Thomas Craven's (Mel Gibson) worst nightmare. You'll be surprised why JEDBURGH helps Detective Craven. And glad that he did.

Danny Huston portrays "Jack Bennett”, a devious coward that I wanted to kill myself. Huston played the head vampire "Marlow" in a little heralded, but great flick entitled "Thirty Days of Night" back in 2007. (Pick it up at the video store next time you're out; it's worth it.)

EDGE OF DARKNESS is a classic thriller. Not depending excessively on computer tricks and action; primarily depending on good acting and directing, DARKNESS doesn't ignore the details, or get bogged down in them.

Favorite line: "Everything's illegal in Massachusetts"

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Fast & Furious 4 :            PG-13            2009            107 mins

Cowboys ride on steel horses, but street racers become one with their weapons of mass destruction. Drop the hammer down, smash the clutch. Hear the fire mix with the fuel and feel the explosion inside the cylinder walls. The road rocket hurtles off the line and screams down the asphalt runway. Listen. Listen now. In between heartbeats wait for the valves to float, then slam that rock-crusher into gear. No need to clutch. Let the adrenaline flow through your veins like a night train. Powerful. Satisfying. Much as you want to, don't close your eyes! Faster baby, faster. FAST AND FURIOUS.
Like two stray bulldogs meeting at the only fire hydrant around, "Dom" and "Brian" know there's going to be a contest. But wait: "Letty's" dead and now "freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose". A lot of bad blood has gone down between the cop and the criminal in the past, but they must join forces to capture the drug runner they both want for different reasons. Can they trust each other enough to pull it off?
"Are you a good guy pretending to be a bad guy? Or a bad guy pretending to be a good guy?" It was a legitimate question that "Mia" posed to "Brian". He didn't have an answer. "Dom" is clear on his motive: He just wants to kill the guys that killed "Letty".
Watching this film is like getting hit in the head with a ball bat. As good or better than the first one, and much "faster and furious-er" than the next two, this flick is aptly named "4". It goes into the fourth dimension of your psyche and swirls around inside your head for awhile before exploding out the back of your skull at break-neck speed!
Get in, sit down, shut up, and hang on. You are in for the ride of your life! "Drive or die", isn't that what "Dom" said?
Fasten your seat belt baby, here we go....
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Fast Five :            PG-13            2011            130 mins

Macaroni and cheese is a fairly simple recipe: You've got your macaroni; you've got your cheese. As uncomplicated as that dish is, it is enjoyed by millions of people across the nation. Such is the status of the FAST AND FURIOUS franchise. Nothing too complicated about any of those flicks, but millions find them tasty bits of entertainment. "Fast Five" continues the tradition.

Ladies, I can make you look forward to seeing this film by mentioning two names: Vin Diesel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. All muscles and tight tee shirts should about do it for you girls.

Fellas, I can make you look forward to seeing this film by mentioning two names: Vin Diesel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. They are on opposite sides of the law in this movie, and they get into a heckuva fist fight in a scene you boys won't soon forget!

For fans of the series, all the "regulars" are back, doing all their "regular" stuff. VERY COOL!

The things that they do with cars are, of course, impossible for the most part. But man is it fun to watch! A full-on blast from start to finish!

There's enough storyline to keep this whole rolling wreck interestingly in motion, and ABSOLUTELY AWESOME stunt work throughout the movie! The film editors and boys and girls of the C.G.I. team should be given bonuses for their work. Making the unreal and surreal look real is no easy task!

"Furious" fans, stay through the credits. You'll be glad you did.

P.S. Tyler Perry has a new film out also: "Madea's Big Happy Family". What's that got to do with "Fast Five"? Both films are part of tasty franchises that their respective fans can't wait to devour as soon as a new installment is served up. Bon Appétit'!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Faster :            R            2010            98 mins

When making a "tough-guy" movie, it sure adds a welcome element of realism when the main star actually IS a tough guy.

Born in California on May 2, 1972, Dwayne Johnson is a bad man in a good way. He garnered a full scholarship to the University of Miami where he played football. (What else?) Later on he became known to the world as "The Rock", one of the best-loved wrestlers in the WWE.

You can fake a lot of stuff. A powerful build isn't one of them. Ole' Dwayne is a specimen. (But you ladies already know that, don't you?)

Dwayne’s character was the get-away driver in a hold-up. It all actually went pretty well- they got away! The chase scene is very cool: A 1967 Pontiac G.T.O. being put through its paces by somebody that knows how to handle all that raw power. A G.T.O. is a "muscle car" indeed, when handled by a muscle man.

A little later on, the robbers are robbed of their loot and "the driver's" brother is killed. Dwayne goes to prison for ten years. Ten years is a good long time to plot your revenge.

Enter Billy Bob Thornton. A drug-addicted police detective who along with "Cicero" (Carla Gugino) lands the case that immediately ensues the day "The Rock's" character gets released from prison. Picking up a bad to the bone '72 Super Sport Chevy and a pistol, our boy kills his first victim before lunchtime. Apparently he's hungrier for blood than chow.

Angelina Jolie once said that Billy Bob was "certifiable". Perhaps that explains his uncanny ability to play slightly disturbed individuals so well. He is true to form in FASTER and is just one of the reasons that this flick was elevated from a "B" movie to an "A" movie as my friend Scott proclaimed that it has been.

Out of the blue, a probably psychotic, definitely neurotic, over-achieving hit man enters the fray. Hired by we-don't-know-who yet, this killer (Oliver Jackson-Cohen) is one twisted little wack-job.

There is a scene where everyone converges on a lakeside resort where they've tracked our vengeful baby brother whose intention it is to murder one of the thugs who offed his much-loved big brother. I guess I should say former thug. The intended victim has reformed and become a preacher-man. That entire aspect of the story adds a surprising element to this whole cinematic effort that is unexpected and very effective.

Folks this flick clicks. So much more is rung out of this plot then one could be forgiven for thinking was possible, that you'll just be swept up by the whole thing!

Remember, you'll have to go "faster" if you want to get to the theatre before this one gets away!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

Elton John annouced his retirement three times before he actually retired.  When he finally did retire,he didn't announce anything-he just stopped touring.  I always wondered why he did that.  To stir up some excitement and ticket sales I suppose. (Much like "McRib:back for a limited time only")  When the marketing boys proclaimed that "Fearless" would be Jet Li's last martial arts film, we were all atwitter. (Atwitter is so a word...)  What did it mean?  Would he never make a strictly martial arts film again?  Surely he would make say, a detective movie and while arresting the bad guys he'd have to subdue them with some kung-fu?  Or was this his "last one " until his "next one"?  Or until we all clamored for another and wouldn't be satisfied until he broke down, changed his mind and made another one?  What are you asking me for?  I don't know! (As of this printing, I actually think he has made a new martial arts film with Jackie Chan.  That should be pretty cool!)
But, I digress.  "Fearless" may be Jet Li's last strictly martial arts film because he new when the film was finally "a wrap" that it was the finest martial arts film he, or anybody else,had ever made.  Let me say that again.  There have been countless martial arts films made in China, the U.S., and around the world.  Most of them are not very good.  Bruce Lee's old flicks are campy, but the kung-fu is awesome.  Jackie Chan's initial movies were made in China, and it looks like it.  China is a beautiful country known for many things.  Well-made films isn't one of them.  Other films have tried to capture the lore that goes hand in hand with the power, skill and majesty of true kung-fu.  One that comes close is "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon".  But people flying thru the air and fighting in treetops?  Please!  Jet Li himself came close with "Hero".  Again only close; too much unbelievable nonsense along with the good stuff.  Then came "Fearless".  This is the one.  The finest martial arts film ever made.
I see a lot of movies.  I see very few more than once.  I actually purchase fewer still.  I told my kids that I wanted "Fearless" for Christmas.  I received it and I am exceedingly happy.  Don't know how many times I've watched it.  Don't know how many times I will.  Oh,did I tell you the best part?  "Fearless" is a love story.  Initially Eros love.  Then Phileo love.  Then Agape love.  Pure, transendant.  I love this movie.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Fireproof :            PG            2008            122 mins
The tellers of tales from the dark side try to convince us that sex is better than love. And power is better than service. (You’d rather be a hammer than a nail, right?) The spin-doctors proclaim that money conquers all, not love. But they all learned to lie from their daddy.
A man's home is his castle the old saying goes. I reckon that would make him the king. But the KING of kings says that the man who would be king, must be the servant of all.
Despite popular opinion, marriage is not just a legal contract that can be broken. It's a spiritual covenant. A sacred vow. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
Where'd I get all this wisdom from? Why, I've been to two goat ropin's and a county fair. I've been all the way around the block… twice! I've also been to see "Fireproof".
You know these folks. They're the church in Georgia that brought you "Facing the Giants". When asked what they intended to do with the profit from that film, they proclaimed: "Make another movie!” And boy howdy, did they ever!
Kirk Cameron is a professional actor, and his experience brought the whole production of "Fireproof" up to a higher level. You can tell that the producers and directors have improved since their first endeavor. (It was heartfelt and joyful, but not the slickest flick you've ever seen.)
FIREPROOF is about a troubled marriage. I know that none of you have any trouble in your marriage, but go see this movie anyway. A pastor friend of mine said that in the future before he counsels married folk he's going to require them to watch FIREPROOF before they commence with counseling. Good idea!
When you see this film, you won't be treated to an Oscar nominee. But you will be blessed to an extent that no Oscar winner could ever hope to achieve.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

Ice Cube has always had a decency about him that his rapper past and "hard look" persona can't withstand.  His movies chastise some silly behaviour on the part of the characters in his films, and celebrate those same characters inner goodness.  Not all of Mr.Cubes films are cinematic masterpieces to put it kindly.  Some are just not easily watched.  Certain scenes are too unrefined due to the subject matter.  Others are just too, um, stupid(sorry).  First Sunday suffers none of these maladies.  It's silly of course-it's a comedy.  But there's a lot of truth contained in this joke.  This joke will "preach" as my minister friends say.
The plot is simple enough.  Two ner' do well goofballs get into trouble for the millionth time and decide that their only way out is to rob a church.  (Yes,I said rob a church....petty criminals are petty because they aren't too smart.)  Using the skills they learned in rocket science class, they planned nothing of course and proceeded to pull the job on Sunday night.  Not being regular church goers themselves (they might have learned about that whole "Thou shalt not steal" thing) the fellas rolled into the pastors office on the same night the good folks were having a board meeting and the choir was having practice.
Can you say "robbery-interruptous"?  The Deacon catches them red-handed and they take him hostage.  This is the point when the Holy Water hits the fan.  Soon they have taken two dozen hot, scared, mad, hungry people hostage inside the sanctuary.  Needless to say, things are not going as the guys would've hoped.  The situation keeps getting worse and worse, and funnier and funnier.
The Lord surely does work in mysterious ways in this tasty little film.  Go see this thing and laugh out loud.  (Maybe cry a little too ,when it touches your heart.)
Tks, Joel   << Close Review

I like Donald Sutherland alot.  As I recall, I first saw him in "Mash", the movie which spawned the long running T.V. series.  I have enjoyed everything I've ever seen him in, and I am glad he's decided to come out of retirement and start making films again.  He's always an asset to any project he's involved with, including this one.
This is a comfortable film.  Not a chick flick, not slap stick, but close to both.  It reminds me of the old Doris Day/Rock Hudson films you're likely to see on one of the cable movie channels from time to time.  The male lead is Matthew McConaughey, a stud-muffin in most female viewers eyes.  The female lead is Kate Hudson.  She comes from good stock genetically, and it shows in her beauty and ability.  Together they make "beautiful music" as the old folks used to say.
The plot is about finding hidden treasure.  Nothing new there.  But this thing has a sense of real-life adventure to it.  There are, of course, bad guys that want the treasure, but their attempts to steal it provide much of the comic relief.  In that sense it reminded me of the old "A-Team" stuff from television: lots of action but no blood, guts or permanent injury.
All of my friends that saw this movie disagreed with the critics who generally panned this film.  My friends saw it for what it was intended to be-ENTERTAINMENT.  It's a sweet love story set in the Carribean, has adventure, has a daughter finally coming to appreciate her elderly father and a cast of journeyman actors who play their parts very well.  Whaddya want for nothin?  Your money back?  Quit yer bellyachin' and get outta the house.  This one is worth the drive into town.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Four Christmases :            PG-13            2008            82 mins
Individual candied pieces of fruit are actually quite good. Nut bread is one of my favorites. Mix them all together in a bowl and bake them in the oven and you get one of the worst concoctions known to man: fruit cake! This is a fruit cake film.
Individual parts of this movie would mean fifteen different things to fifteen different people, but taken as a whole it wouldn't mean much to very many folks.
The cast reads like an entertainment "who's who" and they can't be held responsible for this clinker. It's the fact that some folks in Hollywood these days think they can toss any old stuff together no matter how mismatched and feed that slop to us like we are undiscerning hogs. It’s insulting actually, if you stop to think about it.
Folks, you simply cannot make chicken salad out of chicken droppings. There are a plethora of fine Christmas movies from seasons past that are well worth watching. Pay per view one of those and sit around the house in your jammies and enjoy. "Four Christmases" is weak.
Bah, humbug!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

My initial review of this movie was as follows.  "This movie blows chunks,don't bother."  However upon further reflection I realized that my Pastor would probably be disappointed in my lack of Christian compassion, so I took the time for deeper consideration.  Here is what I came up with:
The acting in this movie is quite good.  How could it not be?  Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, Kevin Spacey and Kathy Bates are in it.  Kevin Spacey, are you kidding me?  He is one of the best of all time.  The supporting cast was very good as well.  All of the usual artisans involved with making a film showed up in a big way too.  The camara crew, the film editors, the lighting folks, the computer graphics people were all top notch.  But none of these professionals could save this flick.
What happened?  I can't decide who should be taken behind the woodshed, director David Dobkin or writer Jessie Nelson.  There are at least six differant really excellent concepts for a movie in this story; they should have picked one and ran with it.  Instead the audience was subected to what was tantamount to letting a five year old mess around with grandmother's stew.  The basic ingredients were fine until the kid threw in gummie bears and dark chocolate. ( Both are staples in my diet, but not my first choice when it comes to stew.)  The result was disappointing to say the least.  Had I gotten up to use the restroom, I would have thought that I stepped back into the wrong theatre upon my return.  All of the scenes simply didn't go together.  The "Silent Night" scene broke my heart and very nearly made me shed a tear, but it was out of place in this movie.  The funny parts were not silly enough for most of the children in the theatre, and simply not sophisticated enough for the adults.  Let's face it, all that the world contains is adults and children.  Who's the audience for this stuff?  There was no flow here;no continuity.
So in conclusion let me say: "This movie blows chunks, don't bother".
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Get Smart :
My buddy Bryan got a pain in his side from laughing that almost wouldn't go away. I belly-laughed so hard, I would have been embarrassed if anyone had heard me. They didn’t. They were rolling on the floor. What more do you need to know to go catch this film?
In fairness I must list the cast. It’s a long list of well deserving folks that should be mentioned. You won't be bored. You'll be stunned by the talent that's in this thing! Steve Carell (A better Maxwell Smart than we deserve), Anne Hathaway (Ouch, I just burned my fingers on the keyboard at the very mention of her name), Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (pretend acting, like the kind in professional wrestling, is a natural segway into real acting. Dwayne does a great job.), and old masters of the craft Alan Arkin, James Caan, and Terence Stamp are perfect in their roles. Terry Crews and David Koechner are journeymen that never get enough credit. And last but not least, Bill Murray and Patrick Warburton in cameos that are priceless.
Folks I am begging you to go see this flick. "Zohan" was funny. "Kung Fu Panda" was funnier. "Get Smart" is funniest! Make sure that YOU get smart and go see this movie!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra :            PG-13            2009            118 mins

Can you say "Trifecta" baby? First it was Star Trek, then Star Wars, now it's G.I. JOE ! But this ain't yer grandpa's G.I. Joe boys and girls. This is a whole new thing! Space age ninjas and techno-toys-to-the-max. Splash downs, beat downs, and Black Hawks down.

Rumblin', tumblin', stumblin', from the Eiffel Tower, to "The Pit", to the Polar Ice Cap, to beyond your imagination, "The Joes" scream across the silver screen in dazzling techno color and techno sound, with dizzying digital dementia one step behind.

This is it kiddies, the new pantheon on the block. Just enough story to hold it all together. Just enough glory to make your heart sing!

As Billy Idol once said: "In the midnight hour we want more, more, more"....and we're going to get it! The magical mystery tour of duty has just begun. YIPPEE!

Favorite Line: "When all else fails, they don't".

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Gnomeo and Juliet :            G            2011            84 mins

Can you say "cuteness"? This little gem was fun!

Loosely based on Shakespeare's play (very loosely), GNOMEO & JULIET chortles right along with a soundtrack by none other than Sir Elton John and his original songwriting partner Bernie Taupin.

With voices by the likes of James McAvoy, Hulk Hogan, Jason Statham, Ozzy Osbourne, and Michael Caine, this very clever little flick engages the viewer from beginning to end.

Great animation and very crisp 3-D round out the deck. Heck, old Bill Shakespeare himself (Patrick Stewart) was in a cameo for this project. Top that!

Fun, fun, fun and short and sweet. The whole family would enjoy this one. Catch it if you can!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Gran Torino :            R            2008            116 mins

There are movies you watch. Then there are movies you experience. GRAN TORINO is an experience. Clint Eastwood portrays "Walt Kowalski", a grizzled old Korean War vet who has had about all he can stand from the "foreigners" who have invaded his once lily-white neighborhood.
Walt has good reason for his discontent. The once pristine houses are in dilapidated condition. The Mexican gang-bangers fight with the Hmong gang-bangers who fight with the Black punks who fight with the White punks. Walt barely gets along with his grown sons. To top it all off, the love of his life, his sweet wife has just recently passed away.
He's an old guy. Not as good as he once was. Not even as good once, as he ever was. But Walt has experience - and grit. He's still not the kind of guy you mess with. Sort of a "Dirty Harry" on Geritol.
One night not long after his wife's funeral, his neighbor's kid tries to steal Walt's pride and joy: His vintage 1972 Ford Gran Torino. That's it. That's the straw.
Clint Eastwood has said that "The Unforgiven" is his favorite movie out of all the ones he's done. Until now, I would have agreed with him. But GRAN TORINO caps the stack. According to Clint, this may well be his last role. According to me, this may well be his best. You read correctly. Mr. Eastwood's latest is his greatest.
It has been said that a rising tide lifts all boats. That is certainly the case with the acting in GRAN TORINO. Clint could have easily outshined the lesser known and less skilled actors in this film. He chose not to. Instead this Hollywood giant lifted the others in this project up to a level they simply were not previously capable of by themselves. Had Scotty Pippin never played along side Michael Jordan everyone would have said: "Scotty who"? Instead, because of Jordan's all encompassing dynamism, Pippin is on his way to the basketball Hall of Fame. That's the case with this flick. The cast of GRAN TORINO literally got swept up in the force of Eastwood's powerful acting and directing.
Don't just go to this film to say farewell to an old friend. Go because it is one of the best things you'll ever experience.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Green Zone :            R            2010            115 mins

Can you say: Better than HURT LOCKER baby?" WHAT!!? No way...yes way!

Matt Damon stars as a Bourne-again boy scout in a movie that grabs you by the scruff of the neck and doesn't let go. If it did let you go, you'd run after it 'till you caught up just so you could stay with the action!

Forget "imbedded journalists", as an audience member YOU are imbedded with a special military unit searching for Weapons of Mass Destruction. Searching for bad guys. Searching for the truth.

No Hollywood stars looking glamorous, just Warrant Officer Miller (Matt Damon) and the men under his command. Then there's the grizzled old veteran C.I.A. agent "Martin Brown" (played by the grizzled old veteran actor Brendan Gleeson). Agent Brown has been to two goat ropin's and a county fair. He's been all the way around the block at least twice. Brown knows something’s up, and that something bad is about to go down.

In any scheme, there's always a perpetrator and a dupe. I'll let you figure out who the perp is. The dupe is "Lawrie Dayne", a Wall Street Journal reporter who trusts a politician. (As a good friend of mine was once told by a Vietnamese women: "You got diploma on wall, but you not too smart!")

Ms. Dayne was fed a steady diet of "bushwa" (that's "bull crap" to you un-enlightened folk...) by the aforementioned unscrupulous politician. ("Unscrupulous politician" sounds redundant doesn't it? Like saying "and etc." Sorry about that.)

Lawrie Dayne(Amy Ryan) then proceeds to spread that manure through a series of newspaper articles that she believes will give her "the Scoop". Maybe even a Pulitzer! All the articles really do is stink the place up. It is after all, "bushwa".

This flick gives an audience member that "I am there" feeling. The Second Iraq War lends itself handily to this sort of cinematic presentation. Lots of house to house, close-in urban combat.

Our G.I. Joes are street fighting men. Iraqi women are shopping at the open-air markets. Children are playing soccer on the cobblestone streets. The politicos are jockeying for position. The soldiers are killing insurgents ten yards away.

While the excellent film "Hurt Locker" is mostly about one man's story, "Green Zone" is about how the aftermath of the fall of Baghdad affected many people. Told through the actions of half a dozen people with differing agendas and high hopes for different outcomes, GREEN ZONE is compelling.

This film was so real to me, I was tired when it was over! Tired of running through the deceit; the lies. The potential for death down every alley way. I was tired because I was THERE.

I recommend that you be "there" too. You'll be tired, but it's a good tired.

Step up to the firing line. Step into the "Green Zone"!

Thx, Joel

Other excellent performances to watch for:
Yigal Naor as "Gen. Al Rawi"
Greg Kinnear as “Clark Poundstone"
Khalid Abdalla as "Freddy"

    << Close Review

    Hancock :             PG-13             2008             92 mins            
As they used to say on MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS: "And now for something completely different." Lest we forget, Will smith was "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air". He can do comedy. This is a different sort of comedy though. It comes in by the back door. At first we think this is a film about a super hero. And it is. Then we think it might be a bit dramatic. And it is. Then we think it may be a love story. And it is. Then it gets a bit uncomfortable and swerves off into what we fear may be a love triangle. And it is. All the while Justin Bateman is holding down the storyline like a true journeyman actor. And he is.
There is a simultaneous undertone of whimsy and emotional pain that threads its way through this movie. Positive approaches mixed with constant setbacks that threaten to undermine the best efforts of all concerned. This flick mimics the genre so popular today of life-like super heroes that have some issues but still manage to "get the job done" as it were. But HANCOCK is different somehow. I just can't put my finger on it.
Funny? Yes. Serious? Yes. Interesting? You bet. I have never seen a movie quite like it. Charlize Theron is much better than she needs to be as a loyal wife who could have any man and anything she wants, but refuses to lower herself to that sort of behavior. Will Smith, hot off his two previous masterpieces ( PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS and I AM LEGEND ), could have easily overplayed his part. He didn't. Justin Bateman needs someone to write a role just for him. He’s ready for the next level.
You'll think about this movie for days. It is captivating and unique. I am not sure what the director was going for, but I sense despite my ignorance that he achieved it. The theatre was packed and the audience was pleased. They all signed off on the script, and were more than willing to put their John Hancock on this project. Get your pen out... you're next. Enjoy!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Hannah Montana: The Movie :            G            2009            102 mins

This alter-ego stuff can get mighty worrisome! Is Miley Cyrus pretending to be "Hannah Montana"? Is "Hannah Montana" really real? Is "Hannah" pretending to be Miley? Help! Who's who?
Turns out nobody's "pretending" at all. Miley Cyrus is a very real young lady and "Hannah Montana" is a perfectly executed stage persona. Both are a class act. But classy or not, trouble's brewing.
Miley's daddy, Billy Ray, wants nothing more than to help his little girl in her time of need. And she is needy indeedy! Trying to preserve some private life and balancing that with a runaway singing career, Miley has been unintentionally deceiving her friends and borderline lying to almost everyone. Oh boy, she's really stepped in it this time!
Dad Billy says enough is enough and hauls her out to the country amongst the horses and streams and clean air. But sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. Miley gets kinda "sweet" on a young farmhand who likes her too, but doesn't really cotton to "Hanna Montana". Billy Ray has other problems of his own too. He hasn't wanted to date since his wife died, but now there's a beauty that rekindled a fire that he had assumed was burned out forever.
Perspective is sometimes hard to come by when you can't see the forest for the trees. What matters most in life anyway? Fact is, everybody involved in this mess has a good heart and tries hard, so maybe things will work out after all.
This movie honors small town wisdom and family values. It applauds friendship and truth. It encourages a young girl to do the right thing, and respects the thoughtfulness and guts it takes for her to do it.
I was delighted to be in the audience for this one folks. This flick will entice some people to return to honest living. It will remind others why they never left.
Thank you Miley Cyrus and thank you Billy Ray. May God richly bless you both for what you've done here. This film is heart-warming, sincere, and much needed in this present day. Funny, entertaining, and true-blue, HANNA MONTANA: THE MOVIE is a winner!!!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

*cue Mission Impossible music*
"Your mission Mr. Ulliel, (should you decide to accept it), is to tackle the role of Hannibal Lecter, one of the most revered characters in box office history.  Previously Hannibal has only been portrayed by one of the greatest actors of our time, Anthony Hopkins.  Your task will be to bring to full fruition the events that framed young Hannibal's life.  Events that turned him into the monstrous serial killer he became.  IF you should fail in your attempt, the movie moguls will disavow any knowledge of you.  If you succeed they will pretty much do the same thing.  Good luck Gaspard".
I watched this 2007 flick on a dvd that I purchased from the video store.  Some dear friends hadn't seen it and I was eager for a second look as well.
With some time in between viewings and fresh eyes joining mine, all impressions of this film were in sync.  If "Silence of the Lambs" is a "ten", this movie is a "nine".
The Acting?  Flawless!  Directing? Lighting? Scenery? Casting? Settings? Editing?  All superb!  Inspector Popil, (Dominic West of "300" fame) and the most beautiful Lady Murasaki (Li Gong of "MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA") displayed perfect execution of parts that could have easily been over or under played.  The script is outstanding.
Generally overlooked at the box office, this little gem deserves some well earned respect.  Treat yourself and check this one out.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

Harsh times indeed. The case for parental guidance and some basic moral instruction in a child's life is well made in this flick. The main character is played by Christian Bale. I like Christian Bale as an actor and his acting doesn't disappoint here. The problem isn't the portrayal of the character, it's the character himself. "Jim" (Bale) is a guy that simply doesn't know right from wrong. You can't blame it on the military and the movie doesn't try. You can't even really blame it on the mean streets of south central Los Angeles. This dude is just nuts!
Jim wants to be involved in law enforcement for the same reason a crazy person wants to be involved in the mental health field. He somehow thinks that dealing with bad guys will help him deal with the bad guy inside of him. His plan doesn't work.He has a good friend who can't help him. He has a very sweet and loving girlfriend who can't help him. He has no idea when he's got it good because he doesn't know good from evil. Poor Jim is so messed up he thinks it's all the same. Just do, don't think. Like an all-to-real robot. (An evil robot.) Occasional flashes of good intention just can't break through.
This film is not for everyone. It's dark and disturbing. But it is well done. Your wife probably won't like it much and for goodness sake don't let your kids watch it. If you're a Christian Bale afficianado, you'll appreciate seeing him ply his craft. If not, you might want to pass.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    He's Just Not That Into You :            PG-13            2009            129 mins

Back in the day, good girls were the norm. There was no trip to the "promised land" until they got a wedding ring. There were of course, raging hormones at work, but they were kept in check under the auspices of "going too far". (Or more realistically by the fact that her parents were destined to be home at any moment.) As a result of those more virtuous times, many a young man was turned out into the cold, dark night in a heightened state of shall we say, alertness. ("Defcon Four" as it were...)
Fortunately for polite society, most older folks were already in bed. Just us tigers running loose. A young man in this condition needed a release. Mine was street racing.
In my drag racing adventures, I would occasionally encounter a sedate looking family sedan. Us peacocks strutting around in our unmistakably obvious muscle cars would sometimes get our doors blown off by what appeared to be Mr. Rogers Jr. in his daddy's car. Unbeknownst to us hard chargers, "Poindexter" had shoe-horned a fire-breathing dragon into the engine compartment of mom's taxi. As we quickly learned, we were it's lunch.
Bewildered and embarrassed, it would be for some, our earliest introduction to young rocket scientists that would eventually go on to head the engine building teams for NASCAR owners. We alas, would be the tire changers. As the old folks say: "You can't judge a book by it’s cover". Us hot-rodders called those plain looking rocket sleds, "Sleepers".
That is exactly what the flick HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU is: a sleeper. One could certainly be forgiven for pre-judging this movie as just another low-brow-Bic-pen of a film. You wouldn't be totally off base in your assessment, but this racy romp through twenty and thirty something sexuality does ultimately come to a conclusion and have a moral of sorts. If you find yourself laughing at this set of intertwined stories, (and you will be laughing), you will also feel the sting of rejection and the heart break and anger of unfaithfulness.
At the end of the day, everyone wants to find love don't they? Despite their obvious blunders and manipulative tactics, these sophomoric youngsters are sincere at heart. (Most of them anyway). Some get what they deserve. Some deserve what they get.
Intended to be a mildly raunchy, decidedly lighthearted peek into today’s dating scene, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, rises well above expectations. Entertaining, and moving right along at a comfortable pace, this cute little ditty is just plain fun. The PG-13 rating is a bit off in my opinion. I'd say 18 years old at least. Barring that however, you might enjoy this movie!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Hellboy II: The Golden Army :              PG-13             2008             110 mins
If you liked Hellboy’s last appearance, you'll truly enjoy this one. It seems implausible that a director could "borrow" so heavily from so many previous scenes in so many other movies and still pull off a workable film, but that is exactly what Guillermo del Toro did. And he did a good job of it too!
Ron Perlman seems born to perform certain roles. As a human being, he portrays "creatures" in a most believable and charming way. His girlfriend in this flick "Liz" (Selma Blair) is the exact woman for him. She understands her man and sticks by his side, even when the road gets bumpy. "Prince Nuada" (Luke Goss) is a hate-filled elfin man who is one majestic martial artist. The fight scenes are among the best I've ever witnessed. They alone are worth the price of admission.
Princess Nualla (Anna Walton) is an alluring creature and most captivating as the beloved sister of the mad prince. She also requites the love of "C3PO" and their little story within a story is very cute. (I know he's not "C3PO", but we're back to that "borrowing" thing again.) He is called "Abe Sapien" in this flick because "Homo Sapien" would be WAY to obvious. Turns out someone else must have realized that as well and steered us back to hetero-land very subtly. The reverse political correctness gave us a good love story almost by accident.
Any movie that has a "Chamberlain" in it always gets my attention. Don't ask me why. There's a king and trolls and the F.B.I. in this action -packed entertainer too. Will it win an Oscar? Uh, no. But it is a very cool flick.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Horrible Bosses :            R            2011            98 mins


Folks, we have a bumper crop of movie comedies this summer season! It's been many moons since this many funny flicks have been in the theatres all at one time. They range from 92 to 106 minutes in length. From "G" to "R" in rating.

CARS II (G), THE ZOOKEEPER (PG), and MR. POPPERS PENGUINS (PG) are family friendly flicks that nearly anyone could see, from your five-year-old daughter to your 85-year-old grandma.

BAD TEACHER and HORRIBLE BOSSES (both "R" rated), are decidedly NOT for everyone. They are raunchy, racy, and low-brow. Strictly adults only.

All five films have the listed "FYI's" in common. They also have something else in common: THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! (Notice the number "5" ["great"] rating in the comedy category for ALL five of the films in this review).

The biggest suprise out of this crop was THE ZOOKEEPER. I was concerned that it might be a light-weight among these other heavier-weighted contenders. I needn't have worried. In fact, it MAY be the funniest one of the bunch!

It's been unusually hot and stormy this year. Get into a theater, buy some snacks, and cool off with "cool" comedies. Movies still give more bang for the buck than many other forms of entertainment. Take some time off and take advantage of that fact.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

• Does the beach have sand?
• Are ice cubes cold?
• Is the Pope Catholic?
• Does a wild bear...( uh,let's skip that one.)
• Does Dr. Seuss write wonderful stories?
I solicited comments from the audience as they were leaving the theatre. An exit poll of sorts from the kids in the crowd. Believe me, there were nothing but kids at this film (At least for the 88 minutes the movie ran). Here's what I got: "Awesome!!!" "Cool!!!" "My favorite part was...!!!" Paw-Paw ? What Katie-Bird? Horton really did hear a Who! Yes baby he did."
This classic brought to the screen is everything that you would hope it would be. Jim Carrey is the voice of Horton. Steve Carell is the Mayor of Whoville. A true icon, Carol Burnett, is the kangaroo. All systems are go for this jaunty little tale. Happy, eclectic, musical and merry. Joy all around!
• Does Dr. Seuss write wonderful stories?
• Yes baby he does...............
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

If Will Smith is not already legend, after this release he will be!  Mr. Smith was outstanding in his previous outing "The Pursuit of Happyness", and he quite possibly trumps that performance in this thrilling film.
Set in New York City in the very near future, this discomforting scenario could actually happen.  A well- meaning scientist stuns the world with her cure for cancer.  Then the "cure" stuns the world with its ability to mutate into a vicious virus that turns normal folk into nocturnal monsters akin to vampires.  Dr. Robert Neville (Smith) is a military scientist who has the misfortune of being the only man in town at the time of the tragedy who could possibly contain the outbreak.  In short order Dr. Neville is the only man in town period.
If this plot sounds familiar, it isn't.  No similar story-line has ever been elevated to this level of art.  Art? Did I say art?  I said art!  I was in a theater where the temperature wasn't well regulated, where every seat was sold, and I was scrunched together with my buddy. (I prefer lots of personal space.)  Despite a comfort level well below what I am accustomed to, I was so mesmerized by this flick that I actually forgot my spoiled-child preferances and just immersed myself in this story.  You will too.  I don't know what other Oscar contenders may march out the end of the tube when that time of year rolls around, but Will Smith and "I Am Legend" will most assuredly be in that number.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    I Can Do Bad All By Myself :            PG-13            2009            113 mins

Can I get an Amen! For those of you that can receive it, just let me say that I almost threw my hat in the air and wallered in the aisle! Truly, the very Spirit of God was in the movie theatre Friday night. Church almost broke out right then and there! Yee haw!

TYLER PERRY'S I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF is one funny, heart-warming flick. Mr. Perry turns out some of my favorite family movies.

What? You've never seen a Tyler Perry movie? Man are you ever missing the boat! He portrays "Madea" and "Uncle Joe", and in some circles is a cult figure.

Tyler sees the best in people, and his love of folks shines thru all that he does.

What's the film about? Messing up by trying to muddle thru life without family, friends, and God. Finally realizing that you're a "doo-wad" and then.....HEY WAIT A MINUTE- stop pumpin' me for information. Just go see this thing!

Take it from me, Tyler Perry is as brilliant as anyone working in the film industry today. He can inject love and laughter straight into your heart and mind. The musical performances alone are worth the price of admission. Get going or you'll miss a good laugh.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Official Title: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
I have been humming the theme music to Indiana Jones for two weeks. This is the fourth installment of these well-loved films and so satisfying to see after all these years since number three! I have seen it twice already. I believe I'll go back again while it is still at the theatre!
Steven Spielberg is one of the few directors who can set out wanting to make a good film and then simply proceed to do so. A lot of directors desire to do that same thing - they just can't. When he first came to Hollywood he was scorned by other directors as choosing material that was too light weight. I truly believe they were jealous. Mr. Spielberg is an obvious fan of movies and as such, he understands what it is that folks are interested in and will pay to see. He packages films in a most slick and appealing manner, with subject matter that is on many peoples minds. HE KNOWS WHAT MOVIE AUDIENCES LIKE! We are the happy beneficiaries of Spielberg's efforts and expertise. I'll bet that right now, when you think of a space ship or an alien, you see images that Steven Spielberg first put into your head years ago. Don't you?
How hard do you think it was to convince Harrison Ford to come back for round four? I'll bet he was ecstatic. Everything we've come to know and love about Indiana Jones is in place. The hat, the whip, the swashbuckling attitude. You'll love seeing everything again. The fond memories of these timeless adventures just roar back to life like it was yesterday!
Folks, take your kids and grandkids to see this flick. Don't deprive yourselves of something we have all enjoyed over many years. Indiana Jones is just so much fun! I know you'll have a close encounter of the best kind.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Inglourious Basterds :            R            2009            153 mins

"Inglourious Basterds" is a perfect re-telling of history; partially as it actually was, and partially as we wish it would have been.

Writer/director Quentin Tarantino precisely captured the essence of Nazism. The beauty and horror of the exquisite precision with which the Brownshirts undertook every aspect of any plan Hitler and his SS and Gestapo henchmen chose to execute.

With painstaking attention to detail, Tarantino puts the audience in the room with demonic madmen from the opening act all the way through to the last scene.

Even trademark Tarantino oddities (X-ray vision peepholes and John Madden "Hi-liter" notes) enhance the viewing pleasure of this film, despite their inherent silliness.

The actual "Basterds" themselves are almost a footnote in this movie. The two degrees of separation between the characters and the various storylines that Mr. Tarantino achieves is actually quite startling and brilliant when you stop to think about it all later.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS is a work of true genius by a director whom I suspect has spent more than a little time in the darker recesses of "La-la Land" himself. (Much like some of the characters portrayed.)

Ladies and gentlemen, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS is not to be missed! It is a magnificent work of cinematic art.

Favorite character: Col. Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz)

Best surprise: Mike Myers as British General "Ed Fenech"

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

Attention all comic book heroes with aspirations of making it to the silver screen. The bar has been raised...high. "Iron Man" IS the man! John Osbourne would be proud. (You didn't actually think his momma named him "Ozzy" did you?)
I had so much fun at this flick I just can't tell you! When I realized that Robert Downey Jr. had been cast in the lead role, I thought that perhaps some one besides him should visit a re-hab facility. (Maybe the casting director.) I was wrong. Mr.Downey made this character his own. In fact he turned this into the role of a lifetime. Jeff Bridges and Gwyneth Paltrow were amazing as Obadiah Stane and Pepper Potts. Again I must consume humble pie. Most of the time when heavy hitters take on these sorts of roles the outcome is less than ideal. Not this time baby. These two are great!
Much excitement surrounded the premier of this film. There are no disappointments. It's rated PG-13, but I am taking my soon to be nine year old grandson to this movie. I am happy for Robert Downey Jr. He has worked successfully to overcome the obstacle of addiction. Mr.Downey, you sir, ARE "Iron Man". And like Tony Stark, you've wiped the slate clean and done some good in the world.
Tks for that. Joel    << Close Review

    Iron Man 2 :            PG-13            2010            124 mins

Iron Man is "2" much fun! Better than the first one and better than it has to be, this flick clicks!

Robert Downey's career is on a high note lately, and this outing adds to his rep.

As if Iron Man the robot/man needed any help, he gets some anyway. Don Cheadle (as Lt. Col. James "Rhodey" Rhodes) straps on HIS alter-ego and holds his own as our hot-rod red hero's side kick "War Machine".

Together they battle a very menacing enemy from the old Soviet Block, "Ivan Vanko". Not a nice man, Ivan doesn't let complete insanity get in his way. Along with his benefactor, "Justin Hammer" (another highly disturbed, but very funny guy); they have between them the means and the inclination to pose a serious challenge to Stark industries.

"Pepper Potts" (Gwyneth Paltrow) takes a little more power at "Tony Stark's" request, and almost immediately regrets it. At the helm of Tony's empire, she has the skills, but not necessarily the desire, to steer the ship of industry and national defense.

Will IRON MAN be defeated? Will Stark Industries go down in flames? Will they put too much butter on the popcorn?

Who knows? YOU knows! Why? 'Cause you gonna go find out! "Iron Man 2" is a blast!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Journey to the Center of the Earth :              PG             2008             92 mins
Wouldn't you just go anywhere that Brendan Fraser wanted to go? I mean this dude is the king of adventure! His movies are like reading a kids novel from the good old days. Like Huckleberry Finn or Tom Sawyer. You just can't take your eyes off the pages. (Or screen in this case.) His treks are irresistible. You just gotta go!
His trail guide as he seeks his long lost brother is "Hanna" (Anita Briem). The look on Trevor's face (Fraser) when Hanna opens the door the first time is priceless. But she is a no-nonsense beauty. Her attitude at all times is "get your butt in gear son". (Perhaps that's why Hanna’s last name is "Asgeirsson".)
Trevor doesn't always have an exact plan or the best ideas for the situation at hand. For example, he brings his brother’s son along for "The Journey to the Center of the Earth". Not the best place for a 14 year old. Or is it? You decide after you've taken your kids to see this one. Have fun!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

If computer gimmicks enhance a film, well then good enough.  If the computer gimmicks ARE the film, then I say phooey.  There was only one good actor in this movie (Samuel L. Jackson), and he was marginalized by the special effects. ( I know old what's-her-name was in the movie too, but Diane Lane doesn't count because she had little more than a cameo part.  Must have owed somebody some money.  But then, what do I know?).
Mr. Jackson is well known for his unique inflection of a hyphenated cuss word.  He says it in every movie he makes.  He didn't say it in this one.  I am proud of him.  He doesn't need that word; his stage presence is usually more than adequate to the task at hand.  I guess it was this time too.  But then,what do I know?
I met some friends coming out of "Jumper" as I was going into another movie.  They said that they had thoroughly enjoyed it.  Maybe I was just grumpy the day I saw it.  But then,what do I know?
The first duty of any film is to be entertaining.  Truthfully, "Jumper" was entertaining.  I didn't walk out and I didn't fall asleep, so it couldn't have been that bad.  Go check it out, you might like it.  But then,what do I know?
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Killers / Knight & Day :            PG-13            2010            93 / 110 mins
I believe that it was back in the Sixties that I watched a documentary about "The Fillmore". The Fillmore was actually two music clubs: Fillmore East and Fillmore West. (One in New York City and the other in L.A.)

On this particular occasion, two relatively new groups were preparing to go onstage. One group was "Santana". The other- "The Jimi Hendrix Experience".

A very heated argument broke out between the owner Bill Graham, the managers and Santana pertaining to which group should take the stage second- as the headliners.

The fuss went on for quite a while. Without being noticed by the combatants, Hendrix plugged in his guitar, drug a chair to the middle of the room, got up on the chair, and proceeded to wail. The resulting jam was transcendent. When he was finished, everyone in the dressing room had become silent. (It's hard to talk with your jaw on the floor). Jimi said simply: "I'll go first”, and walked onto the stage and blew everyone away.

Santana, (a pretty fair guitarist in his own right) learned a valuable lesson that evening: Be careful what you wish for- you might get it!

I'm afraid that may be the lesson Ashton Kutcher comes away with this summer movie season. "Killers" is an okay movie. I rated it a two. "Knight and Day" on the other hand was a four in my book. (Probably a three-and-a-half, but I don't use halves). Together, they averaged a three.

Why review them together? Simple answer: They are very similar movies.

Both flicks are about a covert operator and an unsuspecting female love interest. Both spies are targeted for assassination by people that they thought were friends. Both follow the same sort of plot. Both have exciting action scenes, yadda, yadda, yadda....

The difference is the acting ability. Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl simply don't have the resume, or at this time the talent, to compete with the likes of Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Cruise and Diaz heightened the whole theatre-going experience with their superior chops.

Both flicks are entertaining, but if I was forced to see only one, the difference is like "Knight and Day”. You choose.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Knight & Day / Killers :            PG-13            2010            110 / 93 mins
I believe that it was back in the Sixties that I watched a documentary about "The Fillmore". The Fillmore was actually two music clubs: Fillmore East and Fillmore West. (One in New York City and the other in L.A.)

On this particular occasion, two relatively new groups were preparing to go onstage. One group was "Santana". The other- "The Jimi Hendrix Experience".

A very heated argument broke out between the owner Bill Graham, the managers and Santana pertaining to which group should take the stage second- as the headliners.

The fuss went on for quite a while. Without being noticed by the combatants, Hendrix plugged in his guitar, drug a chair to the middle of the room, got up on the chair, and proceeded to wail. The resulting jam was transcendent. When he was finished, everyone in the dressing room had become silent. (It's hard to talk with your jaw on the floor). Jimi said simply: "I'll go first”, and walked onto the stage and blew everyone away.

Santana, (a pretty fair guitarist in his own right) learned a valuable lesson that evening: Be careful what you wish for- you might get it!

I'm afraid that may be the lesson Ashton Kutcher comes away with this summer movie season. "Killers" is an okay movie. I rated it a two. "Knight and Day" on the other hand was a four in my book. (Probably a three-and-a-half, but I don't use halves). Together, they averaged a three.

Why review them together? Simple answer: They are very similar movies.

Both flicks are about a covert operator and an unsuspecting female love interest. Both spies are targeted for assassination by people that they thought were friends. Both follow the same sort of plot. Both have exciting action scenes, yadda, yadda, yadda....

The difference is the acting ability. Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl simply don't have the resume, or at this time the talent, to compete with the likes of Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Cruise and Diaz heightened the whole theatre-going experience with their superior chops.

Both flicks are entertaining, but if I was forced to see only one, the difference is like "Knight and Day”. You choose.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Knowing :            PG-13            2009            130 mins

Writers write, right? Painters paint. Shouldn't actors act? The more you ply your trade, it only stands to reason that you will get more opportunities to be successful. Some actors have been so exclusive in their choosing of roles that they don't get asked to be in anything much anymore. It takes guts to jump into the deep end of the pool, not knowing what lurks below the surface.
Nicholas Cage is a courageous actor. He has chosen roles in clinkers like "Con Air". He has appeared in average flicks like "Gone in Sixty Seconds". He has been in box-office homeruns like the two "National Treasure" films. He took a big risk in "8mm". He knows he'll contribute in a positive way to whatever project he's involved with. You've got to respect that kind of confidence.
Mr. Cage's latest endeavor, KNOWING started off slowly. The functional background information was firmly and gracefully installed. When the plane crash scene erupted onto the silver screen I thought: "This story is getting good!"
By the time the blazing bull moose burst past the burning birch trees and bounded through the brambles and briars toward the border of the meadow grass, I knew that I had used way too many "B" words in one sentence by golly! I also knew that the plot of KNOWING had thickened yet again. This film just kept getting better and better!
Disaster-movie overtones combined with old-fashioned thriller undertones make for one engaging drama. The coolest part of KNOWING is NOT knowing what is going to happen next! Much of the ensuing storyline is so unexpected that the audience is constantly surprised.
If Nicholas keeps it up, we're going to have to start calling him Mr. "Un-Caged".
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Kung Fu Panda :
Is there anything more heartwarming than a child laughing? I saw "KUNG FU PANDA" with some friends and their kids the other day, and I'm not sure if all the one-liners in the movie were funny or not. I couldn't hear them all! Peels of joyous laughter coming from the children. Uproarious belly laughs coming from the adults. Folks, this is a laugh-a-minute movie!
The action in this animated film is virtually non-stop. A wistful, lazy, commoner, dreaming his life away in his fathers' noodle restaurant, the Panda, "Po" is thrust into the limelight through a series of bizarre events.
All of the main fighting styles of Kung Fu are represented by their actual namesakes: The Tiger, The Mantis, The Monkey, The Crane, and The Snake. For those of you familiar with this martial art, that fact alone is captivating.
The main master is a very old tortoise named Oogway. Master Shifu who trains "The Five" is a lemur. (I think he's a lemur, but his voice is cinema master Dustin Hoffman I know for sure!) The bad martial artist is a leopard. Leopards are known for their ferocity. A leopard was a good choice to depict Tai Lung as you will note when you see this film!
The hype and merciless advertising preceding the release of this flick scared me. I was afraid that the marketing boys may have made too much of this animated release. I needn't have worried and you shouldn't either. As the Rolling Stones once sang, this is "Hot stuff. Can't get enough!"
Tks, Joel

PS: Yes, the song "Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting" was part of the flick. And yes, as is all the rage lately, if you will wait until after ALL the credits roll, you'll see a little snippet at the end. As to whether it's worth sitting thru the credits to see, I will leave up to you.....
    << Close Review

    Kung Fu Panda 2 :            PG            2011            90 mins

My friends, please indulge me for a moment. I must address the 3-D situation. Let me speak of Blue Ray technology to set up an analogy first.

If you watch a DVD in blue ray format, you can immediately see the difference that that technology makes in the audio/visual enjoyment of a movie. By itself it is, 100% of the time, a noticeable enhancement. An eighty-year- old woman with cataracts and a hearing aid could not miss the upgrade.

3-D, on the other hand, is frequently done very poorly and to no effect at all.

AVATAR was enhanced by I-max, but not by 3-D. A CHRISTMAS CAROL was quite good in 2-D, but absolutely stunning in 3-D. What's my point? Why go to the extra expense and trouble of making a film using 3-D technology if it doesn't enhance the viewing pleasure? THAT'S ITS ONLY JOB! Folks pay extra at the box office for what is often a roll of the dice. Maybe it'll be worth the money, maybe not.

Case in point: KUNG FU PANDA 2. Animation? Wonderful! Film editing? Flawless! 3-D? Almost unnoticeable! Why bother? It makes me a little crazy (er).

I won't press home the fact that KFP 2 isn't as good as the first one. I won't be-labor the point that it can barely stand alone as a story. (If you haven't seen the first one, you might want to rent it before going to see this one. If you don't, you may not appreciate what's going on in the second one).

We all know that anyone with kids will most likely be going to see this flick at the theater. It's a requirement. If you don't take your children, social services will be at your door before you know it.

To give this little ditty its due, many kids were laughing heartily and often during the screening. It wasn't a complete waste of time.

If you enjoyed the first one, you'll be okay with this one. Might as well be, you'll be going anyway. And hey, it's in 3-D...

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Lakeview Terrace :            PG-13            2008            110 mins
"You guys are lucky. You live next door to a cop." The deputy sheriff made that observation with all sincerity. Little did he know that he was dead wrong.
In the next-door-neighbor-as-psychotic-sociopath genre this film is a standout. Not Oscar material mind you, but still quite good. The trouble with these type of films is their almost complete lack of credibility. As you watch them, a little voice inside you is saying: "Okay, fantasy is one thing. But the director is trying to pass this far-fetched nonsense off as reality. He’s trying to make me believe that this could actually happen. It just isn't working!
Enter Samuel L. Jackson. Jackson has an ominous screen presence and his character "Abel Turner" has had about all he can stomach as a veteran officer of the L.A.P.D. Now this liberal interracial couple has moved in right next door. There’s a "disturbance in the force" and Abel won't stand for it!
At first it's mean pranks. Then it escalates. Then the polite young man retaliates. Then it's "Katie bar the door". The "caca" isn't the only thing that hits the fan.
The nice thing about this flick is that it makes you uncomfortable. Seriously. You become engaged and enraged as the story unfolds. By the time the catalyst for Abel's behavior is revealed, you no longer care. You just want to hit him upside the head with a shovel.
There are so many sub plots in this story that it seems completely plausible:
- Abel's kids
- The whole interracial dynamic
- An old school dinosaur that can't keep up with the times
- A husband keeping a little secret from his wife
- A wife keeping a big secret from her husband.
- Abel's partner abandoning him to advance to detective status
- An initially harmless situation spiraling down into a full blown tragedy
All this to a back drop of a forest fire in the Hollywood Hills, creeping ever closer to the homes of LAKEVIEW TERRACE.
Folks, this is a good one. Starting real soon all of the holidays will be upon us. The Hollywood releases will start falling like rain. Don't let LAKEVIEW TERRACE slip thru the cracks. Catch it while you can.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Larry Crowne :            PG-13            2011            99 mins

Early on in this film, Mr. Larry Crowne ("That's Crowne with an E ") drinks from a cup with a crown on it. As I recall, it's a golden crown. If I'm wrong about the color of the crown, please don't tell me. In my mind the crown on the cup is symbolic of this film. Golden.

No camera tricks. No special effects. "Larry Crowne" makes its bones the old fashioned way- with darn good acting.

Tom Hanks is the grey eminence of Hollywood's elite. Pure class. Simply sophisticated. He makes brilliant acting look easy! Paired with her highness Julia Roberts as "Mercedes Tainot", they make a grand couple.

I'm not giving anything away here. You can guess from the trailers where this love story is headed. But oh my, the sweet, funny telling of it! The journey is touching and warm. Very comfortable. Relaxing. And then there's the rest of the cast!

There's "Talia" (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), an angel mistaken for a vixen. (Or is it the other way around)? The part of her boyfriend played with perfect restraint by Wilmer Valderrama. (FEZ of "That Seventies Show").

There's "Mercedes" husband (Bryan Cranston of "Malcolm in the Middle"). A perfect jerk. And let's not forget the kids of college course 217 that assure the viewing audience of a seamless experience. No gaps in the action. No jagged transitions from scene to scene.

George Takei (the former "Mr. Sulu" of STAR TREK fame), makes for a most eccentric, most interesting economics professor. Brilliantly played Mr. Takei!

Kudos to the co-writer and director, Mr. Tom Hanks. Surprise, you didn't know did you? Neither did I, until after I'd seen the film. Tom has orchestrated a cinematic waltz that all at once effortlessly dances across the silver screen and your smiling heart.

This film won't make you cry. It WILL frequently make you chuckle. And ultimately make you smile with sheer satisfaction.

Hold contentedly onto the hand of your date, and be thankful that there is, after all, love in the world.

Folks, LARRY CROWN is a keeper.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Law Abiding Citizen :            R            2009            109 mins

Hot diggity-dog, me LIKEY! This flick is a winner all the way. Gerard Butler and Jamie Foxx are dynamite as arch adversaries. The audience couldn't wait to see what would happen next. The spaghetti sauce was done, but Grandma forgot to turn the burner down and it just boiled all over the screen!

An intriguing vengeance film, LAW ABIDING CITIZEN is very clever. This cat is killing people from inside the prison and know one can figure out how. Butler's character, "Clyde Shelton" feels justified in his actions. He saw attorney "Nick Rice" (Foxx) apparently sealing the deal with the maniac that slaughtered his wife and child, and he intends to set things right no matter what.

"No matter what" is the operative theme. "Clyde" is seemingly unstoppable at dishing out mayhem. "Nick's" brilliance as a prosecutorial genius is seriously put to the test. Who will win? That's for me to know and you to find out.

Go find out! You will LIKEY too!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Legend of the Gaurdians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole :         PG        2010        90 mins

In the thinly veiled near-porno film "Piranha", the 3-D was wasted. Not that I am suggesting it, but let's face it, much could have been done with bare-breasted women and 3-D technology! Alas, the 3-D was very poorly rendered. (In keeping with the rest of the movie). The technology was used only as a marketing tool, hoping to ride the recent wave of 3-D mania.

But wait! Enter LEGEND OF THE GAURDIANS: THE OWLS OF GA'HOOLE. Now there's some 3-D for ya!

Absolutely splendid in every way, the 3-D animation is woven magnificently into the fabric of the rest of the bits that comprise this cinematic tour-de-force.

"Soren" the hero of the story, is living in familial bliss with his parents, siblings, and a snake that is his nanny. (Don't snakes eat birds? Not this one!) Some bad owls raid their happy home and kidnap the kids, hauling them off to what would be called in more modern times a "re-education camp".

SOREN is young but scrappy and is having none of this brain-washing nonsense. With the help of one of his sympathetic captors, he escapes and sets off to find the legendary "Guardians of Ga'hoole", a clan of warrior owls thought to be myth by some, and god-like by others- including young Soren.

This is a delightful story of trials and triumphs. Not a long movie, it would be enjoyed by even the tiniest ones among us.

Folks, the scenery and 3-D alone is worth the price of admission. You've got to see this thing on the big screen in breathtaking, incredibly well done computer 3-D!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Life as We Know It :            PG-13            2010            114 mins

The surprise hit of the fall season, this "we-all-thought-it-would-be-cute-but-OMG-it's-so-much-more" flick holds its own amidst the likes of current hot releases "Secretariat" and "The Social Network".

Katherine Heigl seems like every man's dream girl: She's beautiful but approachable, intelligent but not arrogant, "willing" (under the right circumstances), but not easy. If she's not really like that in real life, please don't tell me; I'll be satisfied with her role-playing.

As "Holly Berenson", she is at the top of her game in LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. With each new release, she gets better and better. Her "big role" is coming, mark my words.

Actor Josh Duhamel transitioned nicely from soap opera star ("All My Children"), to the big screen.

A former college football player, construction worker, and model, this role is not his first, but his most note-worthy thus far. Look for more from Josh; he'll be offered film work on the strength of this performance.

The storyline isn't complicated, nor is the directing. But the outcome is SIMPLY wonderful. I credit director Greg Berlanti with that accomplishment.

Mr. Berlanti has done a fair amount of T.V. work. If he keeps this sort of quality up, he'll do a fair amount of Big Screen work as well. He's literally a smooth operator.

Realistic without being harsh, touching without being mushy, and very, very funny, LIFE AS WE KNOW IT is worth more than one viewing. But by all means, laugh all the way through this flick at least once!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa :            PG            2008            89 mins
"Madagascar" was a very funny animated film. "Madagascar 2"? Absolutely no comparison. This sequel blows the original away. Words simply can not describe how hilarious this flick is.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that this is just a kids cartoon. This is no less than an instant comedy classic.
Like the atmosphere before a rock concert, the children in the theatre bubbled with anticipation. When the movie cranked up, they were soon joined by their parents in that contagious excitement.
Hurdling with the force of a falling safe, there was no stopping this comedic juggernaut. And who would want to? This film debuted three days after the longest and most stressful presidential race in my lifetime. Wednesday I felt like a racehorse at the end of the Kentucky Derby. Friday night I was re-energized by a comedy masterpiece! (I honestly thought one father a few rows behind me might need medical attention. He laughed so hard he nearly hyper-ventilated.)
There is nothing quite as satisfying as the sound of peels of joyous laughter coming from young children. If you want to understand the meaning of "laugh riot", go see "Madagascar 2" in a theatre filled with happy youngn's!
The casting director should be given a handsome Christmas bonus. David Schwimmer as the voice of "Melman" the giraffe is priceless. No one else could have been the voice for the character as it was drawn. And the paunchy, arrogant, deceitful lion, "Makunga", who SO desires to be the alpha male of the lion pride? Who else but Alec Baldwin? (They must've cast Baldwin first, then sketched the character to match.) "Gloria" the hippo was brought to life by Jada Pinkett Smith. We all know a woman just like "Gloria". And her "hip" hippo boyfriend "Moto Moto" makes an entrance like you wouldn't believe. You've got to see it!
Chris rock is truly one-in-a-million as the zebra(s). Ben Stiller is everything you'd expect as "Alex" the "King of New York". My favorite is still Sacha Baron Cohen as the voice of "Julien". (Remember the line from the first MADAGASCAR: "Where are you giants from? New York?! Everybody: Say hello to the New York Giants!")
The late Bernie Mac and the always lovable "Cedric the Entertainer" are in this flick too! Of course "Madagascar" wouldn't be "Madagascar" without the penguins. They dominate the very first scene in the movie with an unforgettable plane crash.
Folks, gather up as many kids as you can (along with their parents) and go see this thing at the theatre. I hope the DVD will be out by Christmas. But just in case it isn’t, I’m going to "move it move it" to see this one again while it's still at the box office.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Mamma Mia! :            PG-13            2008            108 mins
I work with a friend of mine that I call "VER-LEE". Her real name is Beverly. One of the things I like best about Bev is her ability to size up situations and people with pinpoint accuracy. For example, one time she described me as magnanimous. I completely agreed with her and applauded her insightful assessment of my personality. Recently, however, I received a somewhat hurtful accusation from Verlee.
She asked me how I liked "Mamma Mia". I informed her that I generally don't enjoy musicals, especially when they are the setting for an out-and-out chick flick. Based on this knowledge of my particular taste, I told her that I had not, nor did I intend to, watch a screening of a film that apparently she enjoyed quite well. Her response surprised me. She informed me that I was obviously too shallow to attend the movie myself, and that her husband, Tim, (also a friend of mine and a fellow that must be much "deeper" than I in character) had gone to the movie with her and actually confessed to liking the movie. I am pretty sure that I know why Tim stated that he enjoyed the film. I will not, however, voice my opinion on the matter. As I said, Tim is a friend of mine.
I did some research on "Mamma Mia". It was a smash in Europe. Now, I have nothing against Europeans mind you, but I'm not ignorant of some of their proclivities. The Italians would argue with a block of wood. The Germans don't care what country takes command of the European Union, as long as it's them. The French only bathe once per week. Need I go on?
But to be fair, "Mamma Mia" is a hit State-side as well. What to do? I knew for sure and certain that because of my "shallowness" my magnanimous self wasn't going to this flick. But it did seem appropriate to review the film because of its undeniable appeal to many women.(And Tim.)
Again, Verlee to the rescue. I overlooked her cleverly disguised ploy to try and trick me into going to see it and said: "Beverly? Why don't you tell me about the movie and I'll print your assessment?" Of course due to false humility, Bev initially declined. But just as a salesman can be "sold" easily, the temptress was tempted and eventually bit into the apple.
The FYI's listed above are all her assessment. Bev waxed poetic about the thrilling songs sung joyously by the former super-group "ABBA". She told of no foul language and no overt sexuality.(Although there was a hint of innuendo.)The scenery was "gorgeous".(Her word-I'm straight.) The event that brought all involved to the European paradise was a wedding.(What else? Women are such suckers for anything with the word "wedding" in it. Women even went to see the movie "Wedding Crashers" just because of the title. I’ll bet they were shocked when they found out why us men really go to weddings!)
She was quick to point out the clever dialogue and good acting. She told me that Tim enjoyed the movie so much that he called their daughter in Charlotte and informed her that she "just had to see” MAMMA MIA! (Tim. Dude. We have got to talk...).
I feel certain that the "Verleeski",(Another nickname that I have for her when I am in an "Eastern Block" kinda mood. See ,I do like Europeans. Russians are sorta European, aren’t they?).Anyway, Verleeski being a good assessor of all things accessible, has proclaimed "Mamma Mia" to be a hit. She said it was "fun”. So let it be written. So let it be proclaimed throughout the land. All inhabitants must go forth and view this chick flick musical with all haste. You have been commanded to have fun. I’ve done my part. Bev's done hers. Now go!
Tks, Joel

ps: Beverly also said that you should stay and view the credits, as they contain an interesting bit at the end. If I were you I'd do it. (Lest you become a victim of "The Grey Fog" which occasionally and somewhat mysteriously emmanates from the approximate area of Verlee's brain and seeks to envelope you in it's ominous death mist.)
    << Close Review

    Marley and Me :            PG            2008            120 mins
My aunt Elizabeth was an Avon Lady. That's how I discovered "Spicy"; perhaps the greatest men's cologne ever created. It came in the coolest bottles too. But no bottle ever seemed better to me than "The Noble Prince". It was a brown glass German Shepherd. I was already a Rin-Tin-Tin fanatic. That bottle made me worse.
I loved all dogs, but dreamed of one day owning a German Shepherd. I discovered fairly early on that you don't really "own" a dog. You don't realize it at first, but the dog is your loving companion. Indispensible. Irreplaceable. God's gift to you; not a possession. Not virtually a member of the family, but ACTUALLY a member of the family.
I named my shepherd Major. Turns out he was smarter than most of my friends. He had that sixth sense that all dogs possess; only Major had it to the tenth power. If dogs have I.Q.s, Major was surely an Einstein.
For twelve years he was my pride and joy. Far beyond all the other animals I had ever had. Not on a par with my children of course, but running a pretty close second.
When the hip dysplasia hit, it was anything but "hip". Not a darn thing "cool" about it. My beloved friend lost control of his bowels as a side effect of the disease, and would rather have died than mess in the house. But despite his best efforts, mess in the house he did - a lot. He looked at me everyday with pleading eyes. Not my wife. Not my kids. ME. "Help me" those eyes implored. Major knew that only I could put him out of his misery.
On the way to the vet's office, he laid his tired head on my shoulder with a look of gratitude in his eyes. My good, good boy thanking me for driving him to his death. Crying uncontrollable, I pulled over to the side of the road and said words that I had never uttered before or since: "I don't think I can do this......" My youngest daughter later remarked to her brother and sister: "My gosh ya'll shoulda' seen Daddy. You'da thought one of us died!" She didn't realize how close to being right she was.
I didn't realize how good "Marley & Me" was going to be. I intended for it to be a "toss-off". A little light entertainment. I never intended to write a review of it. I never intended for it to break my heart.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Max Payne :            PG-13            2008            100 mins
Alright all you college film-class students, listen up. Its film noir time again. Director John Moore must've blown the dust off of his old copy of "The Maltese Falcon" (Bogart, 1941). The sexual tension, the stark sets, the flashbacks and narration, (filmed in black and white of course) It's all here.
A twice told tale is always good. Like left-over spaghetti, all the original flavors run together in an even more thorough blend. There's nothing new about the story line in "MAX PAYNE”, but the telling of it is delicious.
Mark Wahlberg (as Max Payne) apparently comes from the Nicolas Cage school of movie roles: If they offer you a part - take it! Then blow them away with your ability to raise the level of the whole project to unexpected heights.
Wahlberg is joined by the dangerously beautiful Mila Kunis of "That 70's Show” fame. Ashton Kutcher is the better known star from that T.V. show, but he isn't the better looking. Ms. Kunis is ravishing as "Mona Sax". (I guess "Mona Sex" would have been too obvious...) She is reported to have actually frailed Wahlberg for real with her night stick during the filming of this action-packed revenge flick. As the fellas from “Z.Z. TOP" once opined: "She might get out her night stick and hurt me real, real bad, by the roadside in the desert. She’s got me under pressure! "
Rapper "Ludacris" played an Internal Affairs detective. (If that's not acting, I don't know what is!) Retired cop "B.B. Hensley" is portrayed by well known journeyman Beau Bridges. Beau and Jeff must have spent long hours on the set of "Sea Hunt”, learning at the feet of their actor/father Lloyd Bridges. They both learned the trade well. Thanks for paying attention boys; we are all better off as a result.
You'll recognize Chris O'Donnell and Donal Logue. Neither of them has been seen around for a while, but both are convincing actors. You won't recognize Olga Kurylenko as "Natasha", but you won't forget her either. Even as a child watching "Rocky and Bullwinkle” I knew "Natasha" was much sexier than "Boris". (Side bar here: Ya know, we American men sure are the lucky beneficiaries of this fairly recent influx of Russian chicks. LEGAL immigration has it's upside, doesn't it guys?!)
The "Valkyries" (ODIN’s warrior maidens, not the Honda motorcycles) played a similar part in "MAX PAYNE" as they played in Germanic mythology. They presided over battles, choosing who would die and then escorting them to VALHALLA to dine with Odin. Not quite as enticing as the whole seventy-two virgin shtick, but Valkyries are war-like virgins mind you; the sort of girls you don't quibble with. We've all known a few of those, haven’t we boys? OUCH!
This whole story moved right along its 100 minute route smoothly, and it seemed like a longer film. (In a good way) I enjoyed it and I think you would too. The ending was perfectly set up for a sequel, and of course if you wait until the credits run, you'll catch a quick scene that will convince you even more of an impending follow-up flick. I smell a trilogy. At any rate, I predict that we haven't seen the last of MAX PAYNE....
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Meet Dave :             PG             2008             90 mins
Eddie Murphy is a funny fella. Always has been. "Meet Dave" has apparently not only crash-landed at the Statue of Liberty but at the box office as well. But not because it isn't a good flick.
"The Dark Knight" exploded like a nuclear missile at its opening. It is still breaking records. “Meet Dave" barely made a whimper. Can "Meet Dave" be compared to "The Dark Knight"? Certainly not. But it isn't deserving of being kicked to the curb either. It is a very funny film!
Murphy plays the tiny alien captain of a space ship. Not a "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" space ship mind you, but a space ship that looks like Eddie Murphy! The space ship lands with fairly hostile intent, but is distracted from it’s mission when it is smitten by an earth woman that has no idea that "Dave" is actually not a real man, but an outer space craft.
The romance delays the carrying-out of the mission and causes all manner of problems. The formerly stiff-necked crew starts partying and slacking off. The second in command incites a mutiny. The very attractive third in command gets jealous of the earth woman because "Number Three" is secretly in love with the captain.
As Shakespeare might say, "me thinks" the problem with this project may be the almost total lack of marketing. I saw no commercials on TV; heard none on the radio. Even the theater destined to show the movie displayed very few trailers.
Folks, McDonalds is known around the world, as is Coca-Cola. They both advertise non-stop. I guess the producers figured that if they had Eddie Murphy, audiences would just some how magically discover that he had a new film out. They figured wrong.
Don't let the short-sighted marketing deter you from seeing a very funny flick. Once you've seen "The Dark Knight" three times, take a break and "Meet Dave" before you go back and see "The Joker" again. It’s the pause that refreshes.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

Very few folks have kept Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream alive. Most people don't realize that his dream was an American dream. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for everyone. (As long as it didn't infringe on the rights of others) Dr.King's successors for the most part have turned his dream into a confidence game - a way to impose a guilt complex on percieved oppressors and extort money from them. Worse still, there are some people who know full well what Dr. King's dream meant and simply don't wish to take the difficult steps neccessary to keep his dream alive. Freedom requires responsibility.
Thank God for Tyler Perry. He understands that each day we face a choice between right and wrong. He also knows that the choices we make are difficult but must be done. Excuses are not acceptable. Wise folks understand that the only action neccessary to enable evil to take over completely is for the good people to do nothing. A lot of Sunday sermons are boring and their valuable life lessons go unused. Folks want to know exactly how the preaching can be applied to their everyday lives. They just don't get it.
Tyler Perry to the rescue again! Like Shakespeare, he effortlessly slips the life lessons into the play mixed with down and dirty reality in an atmosphere of wonderful hilarity! The audience was laughing so hard we almost couldn't catch our breath at times! Mr.Perry is never "preachy", but his movies will definitely preach. Tyler understands love, life, and religion. He "gets" marriage and family and their utmost value to society. Most importantly, he knows how all the pieces are suppossed to fit together - with laughter and love!
When the lights came up, there was a smile on every face and joy in every heart. Tyler Perry films are more than movies. They are the best chapters from all of our lives. Easy to watch and always memorable, the characters and their stories become instant classics. Do yourself and your family a favor: watch this movie.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

You know, I'd love to be able to see more movies at the theatre.  I just can't.  Occasionally I am able to watch one on DVD at a friend's home.  Such was the case with "Mr Brooks".  I am not sure why I missed this one at the local theatre.  Maybe it never came to my small town or just didn't stay long.  Either way I recall it didn't make much of a splash in the market place.  It should have.
One of the things I like best about Kevin Costner is his desire to take chances.  Not his willingness, mind you, his desire.  He absolutely has to take chances.  It seems to be in his genetic make-up.  We are the beneficiaries of this artistic addiction.
The main character in this seemless suspense thriller, wealthy "Man of the Year" Mr. Brooks (Costner) is unfortunely addicted as well.  A Portland business tycoon, Mr. Brook's addiction isn't quite as wholesome as Mr. costner's.  Mr.Brooks is a serial killer.  He is methodical, precise, prolific, and uncatchable.  Just ask Demi Moore.  She plays the detective who's utterly consumed with the pursuit of the "Thumbprint Killer".  She has lots of clues.  None of them lead to Mr. Brooks.
Our villian is teflon because he has help.  His alter ego accompanies him wherever he goes.  John Hurt is nothing short of amazing as Mr. Brooks inner demon.  Their interaction and the camera work and film editing that goes along with it are Oscar material if I've ever seen it.
This is not to mention the problems with his daughter and her escapades. (Or the wack-job kid that wants Mr. Brooks to train him to kill for pleasure).  So many twists and turns flawlessly executed (no pun intended).
Folks, I enjoyed this movie so much, I am just busting to tell you all about it.  I won't ruin it though.  Instead, my buddy still has it checked out of BlockBuster and we're going to skip Monday Night Football (can you believe that?) and watch it again.  I suggest you do the same when you can.  You'll love this film.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Mr. Popper's Penguins :            PG            2011            94 mins


Folks, we have a bumper crop of movie comedies this summer season! It's been many moons since this many funny flicks have been in the theatres all at one time. They range from 92 to 106 minutes in length. From "G" to "R" in rating.

CARS II (G), THE ZOOKEEPER (PG), and MR. POPPERS PENGUINS (PG) are family friendly flicks that nearly anyone could see, from your five-year-old daughter to your 85-year-old grandma.

BAD TEACHER and HORRIBLE BOSSES (both "R" rated), are decidedly NOT for everyone. They are raunchy, racy, and low-brow. Strictly adults only.

All five films have the listed "FYI's" in common. They also have something else in common: THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! (Notice the number "5" ["great"] rating in the comedy category for ALL five of the films in this review).

The biggest suprise out of this crop was THE ZOOKEEPER. I was concerned that it might be a light-weight among these other heavier-weighted contenders. I needn't have worried. In fact, it MAY be the funniest one of the bunch!

It's been unusually hot and stormy this year. Get into a theater, buy some snacks, and cool off with "cool" comedies. Movies still give more bang for the buck than many other forms of entertainment. Take some time off and take advantage of that fact.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian :
PG            2009            105 mins

The first Night AT THE MUSEUM was clever and unique. I was actually a little disappointed when the sequel came out. Sequels quite often fail to live up to their predecessors. I needn't have worried though. NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: BATTLE OF THE SMITHSONIAN, is actually better than the first one! I know, I couldn't believe it either.
All the characters you know and love from the original have returned, and some new ones added. I just about fell in love with Amelia Earhart (Amy Adams) myself. And I'm pretty sure Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) did!
One of the admirable things about Mr. Stiller is that he has the confidence in his own abilities, and generosity of spirit, to allow other actors on the set to be all that they can be. He never stifles their talents out of jealousy or fear that they might upstage him. A case in point: Hank Azaria.
As three characters, Azaria showcases his acting skills with hilarious professionalism. I didn't realize that he was Abe Lincoln and "The Thinker" while the movie was running. I just thought that he was "Kahmunrah" the evil Egyptian Pharoah. As "Kahmunrah" he was a scream! Talking like "Stewie" from the TV show "Family Guy" (only a little crazier-yes I said crazier), Azaria had the audience in stitches! I went a second time to see "Museum 2" on the strength of the "Kahmunrah" portrayal alone.
I could spend more time delving into the amazing cast of characters that will enthrall you when you go to see this film. And folks, ya gotta go see this one! Funny, clever, and laugh-a-minute, this will be a timeless treasure, that when it finally hits television will be watched by millions every time it comes on.
So...get out of your kid's plastic Wal-Mart pool (your hands are getting "prunish" anyway), and get down to the theatre before this gem slips away. I know summer is filled up with stuff to do, but you have to see this one on the big screen. It's just too much fun!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Nights In Rodanthe :            PG-13            2008            97 mins
I built our geodesic dome house in the mountains. I made it strong like me, and beautiful like her. I had built one small bookcase and one leaky doghouse before. My third project was "The Dome”. Experienced contractors were hesitant to tackle the very involved, very complicated project. But fools do rush in where angels fear to tread.
Some days her pregnant self would climb the scaffold with me and help. We'd drop food down to our first-born in the playpen 22 feet below. The Dome faced the mountains to the north on the windward side of our own mountain. A beautiful stream rushed quietly by across the road. Daily we were amazed by hawks and eagles. The scream of a mountain lion nearby.
I was young and strong and stupidly fearless. She was gorgeous and sexy and clueless. I was an artisan and she was an artist. I'm not sure what on earth made us think that those traits would get us by. And sure enough, right on cue, our world slowly, painfully, slipped away. She didn't love me like she should have. I had no idea how to love her.
Diane Lane reminds me of my young wife every time I see her in a movie. But this time I was completely caught off guard. I guess everyone knows this is a love story, but darned if I knew it would tear my heart out with memories that washed over me like the waves of the ocean at North Carolina's Outer Banks.
Dr. Paul Flanner (Richard Gere) is every woman's dream and one woman's nightmare. Handsome and rich, he’s almost perfect. Almost. Paul and Adrienne Willis (Lane) are at the bottom of their respective barrels. No thoughts of redemption. Just fear and loneliness. But love does, after all, conquer everything.
Lord if you'll give me one more shot at my NIGHTS IN RODANTHE, I swear this time I'll get it right.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

Remember the "Hardy Boys" and "Robinson Crusoe"? This film is an adventure reminiscent of those classics. Kinda like a 60's era Disney flick in the best of taste and fun.
Remember reading books as a child and just letting your imagination run free? You could take a trip anywhere in the world and never leave your bedroom! Good clean fun we used to call it. And it was! Satisfying..... Exhilarating.... Made you glad to be alive!
Wanna feel that way again? Go see Jodie Foster, Abigail Breslin, and Gerard Butler work their magic on "NIM'S ISLAND". You'll be transported to paradise for 96 minutes in real time, and for many days in your imagination.
Don't miss the chance to take this beautiful journey back to your childhood. (Oh yeah, don't forget to take your kids with you. They need memories too....)
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Ninja Assassin :            R            2009            99 mins

You know how porno movies skip the preliminaries and get right to the action?
You do? I'm a little surprised at you! I only know that fact because of some unscrupulous acquaintances who gave me unsolicited information. Anyway, getting right to the action is what "Ninja Assassin" does.

From the opening scene all the way through to the last frame, there is blood and gore; but never fear, it's highly stylized blood and gore so it lessens the "squeamishness" effect.

The martial arts scenes are plentiful, almost non-stop. The slow motion fighting is very cool for those that like that sort of thing, and I am a big fan!

PLOT? We don't need no stinking plot! Is there a plot to cage fighting? Boxing? Kung-fu? Heck no! Leave the ladies at home and grab your buddies; "Ninja Assassins" is just what the doctor ordered for a little holiday stress relief!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

Folks I can't tell you how much I loved this film. The actors in this movie didn't portray their characters. They became their characters. We have all seen actors immerse themselves in a role to the point of becoming the person portrayed. But it only happens infrequently and never by more than one actor at a time in one film. That has all changed. Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin, Woody Harrelson, and Kelly Macdonald were not actually in this film as the trailers proclaimed. But Sherrif Ed Tom Bell, mad-dog killer Anton Chigurh, good old boy Llewelyn Moss and his loving wife Carla Jean were. So was Carson Wells. "No Country For old Men" is their story. It's a love story. It's a horror story. It's an instant, timeless classic.
Every detail of the events depicted is flawless. Right down to the accents. As a Southerner it is irritating to me to hear a poorly done Southern accent. It's as if getting "our" accent right doesn't really matter. (After all we are just hicks anyway.) If you think the slightest details weren't important to the Coen brothers when they wrote this screenplay, please listen to the interview with Kelly Macdonald on the DVD. The beautiful Ms. Macdonald isn't even American and has an accent of her own. Yet she gets Carla Jean Moss' speech patterns just right.
Would you like to see a truly great movie? Don't rent "No Country For Old Men". Buy it. One viewing of this masterpiece simply won't suffice.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Old Dogs :            PG            2009            88 mins

A friend of mine in Wilmington is friends with John Travolta. My friend David reports that the ever-present, effervescent smile on Travolta's face is the real deal. John Travolta genuinely loves people.

Coincidentally, another friend of mine that was in my wedding lived, at one time, next door to Robin Williams. They were both young upstart actors at the time, and she said that Williams truly is a scream. Miriam said that Robin would keep her rolling on the floor laughing constantly.

One would think that these two national treasures would be absolutely wonderful together in a film. And they were. Trouble is… the movie was no good!

I lay the blame squarely at the feet of director Walt Becker. The storyline was trite, and needed pulling together and spicing up. It didn't receive either.

Another old friend of mine once said that "...you can't make chicken salad out of chicken..."...uh...doo-doo. He was right.

Let’s just say that OLD DOGS ain't chicken salad.

PS: This flick is just another example of my hypothesis that unless a film is animated, or made specifically for children, if it lasts less than 90 minutes, it simple isn't very good.

Joel's Movie Theorem:     (non-children movie < 90 minutes) = BAD
For OLD DOGS Joel's Movie Theorem proves true once again...


Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Outlander :            R            2008            115 mins

I enjoy being surprised by a movie. Especially when I've never even heard of it!

Jim Caviezel (The Passion of the Christ) crash lands into a deep inland lake in what would later become the Scandinavian Peninsula. His entire crew is dead and he's not doing so hot either. As the story unfolds, we find out it is somewhere in the timeframe of 709. (That's A.D., not a.m.). You'd think that his biggest problem would be the Vikings that found him, but you'd be wrong. It's the Moorwen.

What's a Moorwen? Think of "The Predator", cross-bred with a grizzly bear that can fly. Napalm all of his brothers and sisters to ensure that he becomes upset, and then give him a hit of acid, to adjust his attitude in a truly awesome down ward spiral. Got the picture? Actually I'll bet you don't....this thing's nasty.

Thinking that all the Moorwens are dead, "Kainan" (Caviezel), loads up his crew for a celebratory victory cruise. He also inadvertently loads up the Moorwen, who is evidently not crate trained, and apparently dislikes flying. That's how the spaceship ends up crash landing.

I know how all this sounds, but trust me this flick is very captivating! If you like Viking movies, and/or if you like sci-fi movies, you'll be intrigued by the way those two utterly different genre' are woven together in a believable and fascinating fashion by the screen writer and director.

Outlander is available at "Blockbuster" video stores. Grab it next time you're out, and haul home some popcorn and drink. You'll really enjoy this flick!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Paranormal Activity :            R            2009            86 mins








                                  STUPID...






Thx, Joel    << Close Review

A Viking kid of about twelve gets left behind in what would later become known as North America after his fierce father beats him and disowns him because he refuses to chop off the head of a 2 year old Native Indian child.  In a case of poetic justice, the Vikings are driven away in defeat and the abandonded boy is taken in by the Indians.  Fifteen years pass and the Norseman return, with vengeance on their minds.  The boy is now a man and well-loved by the tribe.  He is off on a hunting trip high in the mountains when he hears the long forgotten sound of a rams' horn.  He comes back to his village to what he feared he'd find- death and destruction all around.
This is a story of vengeance first and foremost.  But it's a love story too.  Keith urban stars as the "Ghost warrior" who loves the daughter of another villages' chief, played by Moon Bloodgood (cool name).  Together they escape the vicious Norsemen and live to fight for the freedom of their tribe.  Her father had been the tribes' pathfinder; he must be replaced.  The cost is high and the blood does flow.  This film is not for the squeamish.
There are unexpected scenes in this film that will have you fully engaged in the story.  There are two types of movies: the kind you watch, and the kind you experience.  Ever wonder what our part of the world was like 600 years before Christ was born?  This movie will take you back to that time and place.  I enjoyed the adventure.  I believe you will too.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Paul Blart: Mall Cop :            PG            2009            87 mins

In the past, I have been offered the opportunity to attend private screenings of films before they are available for public consumption. So far I've turned down the chance. I enjoy the anticipation that only comes with a "General Public" viewing. The "buzz". The excitement. I observe the audience reaction during the movie. Tears? Laughter? Anger? Silence? One doesn't always get that while watching with a select few.
PAUL BLART: MALL COP, is a prime example of why I sometimes get a kick out of the crowd. First off, I arrived earlier than I usually do. Secondly, the film broke during the previews before the feature, causing the movie to start late. I had nearly 45 minutes of people watching. What a blast it was! Parents were herding in their own kids, the neighbors kids, and cousins from across town. Old folks were making a bigger deal than necessary concerning where they might sit. Teens were texting and generally showing out as usual. The young girls were furtively glancing all about to see if anyone was noticing them. The young boys were acting all energetic and cool for the girls, hoping that nobody would perceive their underlying nervousness. The late arrivals were relieved that the flick hadn't actually started yet, and the popping of the projector with each false start gave just about everybody a momentary fright.
This gang of my fellow citizens was pumped baby! They love The King of Queens, Kevin James. James always plays an "everyman", and we can all identify with him. In MALL COP, Mr. James segways from "The King" of TV comedy to the little man on the big screen.
For PAUL BLART, "safety never takes a holiday". Dreaming of being a highway patrolman, and "nearly" passing the physical exam about six times, "Paul" intends to make his security guard (I'm sorry, that's security "officer") position do nicely until the day his dream comes true. "Officer Blart" gets the chance to prove his dedication and skill to the whole mall when cyber crooks take over the shopping center and kidnap the woman he secretly loves.
Folks this flick is funny, funny, funny! What a welcome relief from winters' bone-chilling cold and precipitation. Kevin James co-wrote this comedic ditty and shines as its male lead. The supporting cast does solid work and the physical comedy is just hilarious!
The theater-going public smelled a winner here, and they were correct. As the contestants say on Who Wants to be a Millionaire: I'm going with the audience. PAUL BLART, final answer!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides :      PG-13      2011      137 mins

Emmitt Smith is the NFL's all-time leading rusher. 'Nough said right there! He was surrounded by the best of the best in team mates, coaches and support staff, and Emmitt took full advantage of that environment, as well he should have. He definitely deserves his Hall of Fame status.

Barry Sanders played four fewer years than Smith's fourteen, and is third all-time in rushing. Although no one ever accomplishes anything in pro ball by themselves, Barry certainly wasn't surrounded by the best of the best. His accomplishments were due in large part to his unmatched ability to "tote the rock" no matter the circumstances. He may be third all-time, but Barry Sanders is second to none when it comes to ball carrying. Perhaps the best ever!

Had their roles been reversed, and Smith played for the frequently forlorn Detroit Lions, there's a possibility that we'd all be saying: "Emmitt who"?

But one can only imagine the results if Sanders had played for the then almost unstoppable Dallas Cowboys. (I ain't sayin', I'm just sayin'...)

Johnny Depp fearlessly tread into the role of "Captain Jack Sparrow" with many cornerstones removed from his formerly rock-solid cast. "Hector Barbossa" (Geoffrey Rush) wasn't as swashbuckling and reliable as in past "Pirates" adventures, and Blackbeard's daughter "Angelica" (Penelope Cruz), had no chemistry with Mr. Depp, and couldn't quite rise to the occasion as a memorable “Pirates of the Caribbean" stalwart cast member.

Supposedly "The pirate that all pirates fear"- BLACKBEARD (Ian McShane), didn't even make me nervous, let alone scare me. Maybe it's because I'm not a pirate. Who knows?

All this might sound like PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES, is a flop. It most assuredly is not! It is first and foremost a tribute to the acting ability of Johnny Depp, who film after film, proves his fantastic skill as a thespian.

The fantastic music of Hans Zimmer was used to a greater advantage in this installment of "Pirates" than ever before, and director Rob Marshall can apparently make chicken salad out of any part of the chicken.

Please don't hesitate to journey along with "Captain Jack" and the crew in a three-way race with the Spaniards and Blackbeard and his daughter. It's a good movie. Just don't expect alot of familiar "Pirates" action. After all, they're on stranger tides!

Stand-outs to watch for:

• Astrid Berges-Frisbey as "Syrena" the mermaid.
• Sam Claflin as "Phillip" the missionary minister.
• Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards in a cameo as "Captain Teague".

OPINION: Yes, there will be a number five.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Planet 51 :            PG            2009            91 mins

What with tigers turning into cheetahs lately, it's hard to know who you can depend on. But for my money, Dwayne Johnson is still rock solid.

Dwayne has been in a number of family-friendly films recently, and we are all better off for it. He's got the looks and the stage presence even when doing animation. You can HEAR his personality shine thru his voice, even when you can't see his face!

As astronaut Capt. Charles T. Baker, Johnson has all the right stuff. He's on a mission to plant the American flag on what he has been told is an uninhabited planet. He lands, he plants, he freaks out. Planet 51 is just like the good old U.S.A., right down to its pre-conceived notions and misguided populace.

A proud but genuinely sincere fellow that doesn't really want any trouble, Capt. Baker is initially misunderstood and hunted down by Planets 51's inhabitants, whose number one fear is, you guessed it- being taken over by aliens.

The story unfolds, and like most kid's movies, all ends well. Getting to that happy ending is a laugh a minute though!

Take a moment out from the hectic pace of Christmas shopping and watch Planet 51. You and your children will have big smiles plastered on your faces when you walk out of the theater!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time :            PG-13            2010            116 mins

Back in my twenties I was a strapping young construction worker. I was involved with building one of the first solar houses in North Carolina. Not far from our work site was a country restaurant called "Fannies Gravy Troft". (Not "trough"; "troft").

On the menu was a delicious hamburger that they had dubbed "The Fannie Burger". It had great appeal to me, especially when served by the attractive young waitress that worked there. The Fannie Burger could also be had with cheese. I am a great lover of cheese. However a "Fannie Burger with Cheese" (as it was listed on the menu), held no appeal to me. One must be careful how one words things, yes?

"Cheesy" is the way movies inspired by video games seem to come across to me. However, putting aside all preconceived notions, I attended the cinema and came away feeling satisfied. So satisfied that I watched "The Prince of Persia" a second time. It was that good.

Jake Gyllenhaal threw me for a loop in '05 when he played in "Brokeback Mountain". To this day, I can't say the name of that film without stifling a laugh. I mean come on, you make a movie about two gay cowboys and you can't think of a better name than that? Apparently the producers didn't see the irony in the title. Oh well. That was then; this is now. Jacob did a great job as "Dastan", a street urchin elevated to royal status at a tender age by the King of Persia, his adoptive father.

"Dastan" has two brothers who love him dearly, but are duped into thinking he killed their father the King, in the aftermath of a great victory in war. The audience is privy to "Dastan's" innocence, but proving it to the heart-broken brothers is a daunting task. "Dastan's" quest to clear his name turns into quite an adventure!

"Dastan" is alternately aided/abetted and then impeded by the stunning princess "Tamina", portrayed by Gemma Arterton. Princess Tamina is renowned for her beauty. She can aid/abet me anytime. (Within the bounds of matrimony of course, after a proper courtship, and betrothal period. What sort of man do you think I am anyway!?)

"Prince of Persia: Sands of Time" is a non-stop true action/adventure from the opening frame until the last.

Look for solid performances from Sir Ben Kingsley (as Dastan's uncle Nizam). Alfred Molina (as Sheik Amar, a man who would love to kill Dastan, but he just likes the darn guy so much, he can't bring himself to do him harm). Check out Gisli Orn Garoarsson as the Hassansin Leader. (His momma should have named him Grizzly. He is one scary dude). Last but not least, look for Reece Ritchie as "Bis". (“Bis” actually rhymes with Reece. His wife is "Obis" and she has a child named "Son of Obis"... Okay, I'm sorry...I made those last two up.) But "Bis" is truly a character in the movie.

"Prince of Persia" is great fun. I think you'll love it!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Public Enemies :            R            2009            140 mins

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! Everything about PUBLIC ENEMIES works. This movie is superlative in every way. The film even appears at times to be of 1930's vintage celluloid. Some of it actually is original newsreel clips interspersed with 2009 film - the technique is very cool and seamless. The audience is treated to the "feel" of old-time gangster movies. A viewer gets that "You are Here" experience; simultaneously transported to the 1930's gangster crime wave that created the need for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and yet still some how "looking back" on it all from our modern perspective. Sort of a "virtual" history lesson.
It is hardly worth mentioning that some of the facts are a little mixed up. As far as I know, "Baby Face” Nelson and John Dillinger never even met, let alone pulled off a job together. But Hollywood has always taken "poetic license" as it were, and this time it doesn't hurt anything when they do.
I guess everybody knows by now that Johnny Depp plays "Dillinger” and does a "killer" job. (Sorry, I couldn't stop myself.) Other actors are worthy of mention as well: Stephen Dorff never overplays his hand as “Homer Van Meter", and Jason Clarke is very believable as "Red Hamilton", Dillinger's best friend in the gang. As you might expect, Christian Bale does his usual great job as "G"- man “Melvin Purvis", bringer-to-justice of the all the hoodlums from "Pretty Boy" Floyd (cameo'd by Channing Tatum), to our boy “Johnny Depp Dillinger".
Big bad J.D. has a love interest in this story. "Billie Frechette" is portrayed by Marion Cotillard. Some folks say she seems a little weak in the part. I disagree. She's playing a gangster moll, not a rocket scientist. If she was really that dumb in real life, she would be too stupid to play the part of a bimbo. Besides, she's not actually playing the part of a full-fledged bimbo in her role. Sort of a "half bimbo". (Other half being a bored, frightened, small town girl looking for a way out.) Miss Billie is no match for Mr. Dillinger's irresistible charm, and when he bids her "come", she goes.
I was so enamored of this film the first time I saw it, I feared that perhaps I was making too much of it. I went back for a second screening just to check myself. I should have never doubted me. I enjoyed PUBLIC ENEMIES just as well the second go 'round. Maybe better. Don't rob yourself of the opportunity to catch this cops and robbers shoot 'em up love story.

Favorite line: "Tell Billie for me: Bye, bye blackbird"

Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Punisher: War Zone :            R            2008            103 mins
We package life so neatly. A place for everything; everything in its place. We have systems and procedures. Rules and regulations. As well we should. But as Mick Jagger once wrote: "We all need some kind of ventilator." Just like a pressure cooker blows off steam so it won't explode, we need a release.
I think that's why we like it when the bad guys get what's coming to them in a hail of bullets and indiscriminate killing. Merciless beat downs and stabbings. Scum of the earth thrown off rooftops. Things we'd never do. Things we should never do. Our innermost revenge fantasies carried out by a ruthless purveyor of death. Our very own proxy executioner. A man who lost his family to criminal activity for no good reason. A man apparently justified in his actions who knows that the wicked must be brought to justice despite the Laws' loopholes. A Punisher.
The compass for this type of flick points true north to the Mel Gibson classic: THE ROAD WARRIOR. No movie except for its prequel has ever even come close to its irresistible appeal. The final episode in the MAD MAX trilogy is where the ball was bobbled, and never quite handled properly since.
In “Punisher: War Zone" all manner of ridiculous things take place that simply defy gravity and every other physical law of the universe. Things that can only take place in our imagination. Things we love to experience from the safety of our seat in the theatre. Someday somebody will make the next Road Warrior. BEYOND THUNDERDOME wasn't it. Kevin Costner came close with WATERWORLD, but no cigar. This current incarnation of "Punisher" isn't anywhere near it, but it will do for now.
Try a little experiment. Get SHOOT 'EM UP from the video store. Watch it. Then go see "Punisher: War Zone". You'll understand at that point what SHOOT 'EM UP was hoping to be but simply couldn't achieve.
Take your wife to see "Punisher". It's the holidays. After BLACK FRIDAY and CYBER MONDAY and the crappy economy, I'll wager that she's ready to kill somebody. Don't let it be you! Let her safely, quietly vent in the comfortable confines of your local theater. Just the two of you holding hands, munching popcorn, and contentedly watching the "Punisher" massacre some two-legged rats. It’ll be like the old Roman Coliseum. Have fun you crazy kids! Peace on Earth. Joy to the World.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Quantum of Solace :            PG-13            2008            106 mins

I love Italy. Especially when a mack-daddy Aston Martin is driving 80 mph down a mountain road that would terrify a goat. In hot pursuit of James Bond was a BMW full of bad guys. Had I been in either vehicle, I think I would have had a "bm" without the "w". Folks, the opening scene was worth twice the price of admission.
In his first appearance as "007" (in “Casino Royale”) Daniel Craig had some mighty big shoes to fill. All of his predecessors as "James Bond" did a masterful job. (Except that loser in the skirt/kilt thingy. But that was an ill-fated one time shot. Thank goodness!) The folks that bring to life the dashing British MI6 agent knew that the "Bond" character needed some freshening and updating. They also knew that the revamp was theirs to screw up!
Everyone involved in the "Casino Royale" project approached boldly but respectfully that new incarnation. If "007" was to truly enter a new era, Craig simply couldn't be another clone. But he also couldn't dishonor the revered memory of one of the most beloved characters in big screen history. The production company all walked softly and carried a big stick. It worked! They smacked audiences upside the head with a different sort of “Bond” and we immediately loved him!
In "Quantum of Solace" the cast and crew are firmly in the drivers seat. (Literally and figuratively.) Movie-goers are treated to several truly awesome car chases, stunts of the first magnitude, and Oscar- worthy film editing. The people behind the scenes made the unbelievable believable. Hats off to director Marc Forster and his crew!
There were the usual beautiful "Bond Women". Chief among them was Olga Kurylenko as "Camille”. Olga was the only bright spot in the film "Hitman", and she is hot off the set of "Max Payne". (Actually, Olga's pretty hot on and off the set of just about anything.)
Dame Judy Dench, Giancarlo Giannini, and Jeffrey Wright all returned from "Casino" to reprise their roles as "M", "Mathis", and "Felix Leiter". Super job done by all three.
In "Quantum", 007 sets out to stop an environmentalist from taking over Bolivia's water supply. (Imagine that, an environmentalist with a hidden agenda. Huh....) Deserts, mountains, beautiful people, beautiful cities, all presented in grand "Bond" fashion. There is non-stop entertainment from start to finish in this re-branded Bond.
People, please tell me that I don't have to encourage you to go see this thing. Thanks to Marc Forster and Daniel Craig, a New Age Bond locomotive has left the station. Its engine number 007 and it's on track number One. All Aboard the bullet train!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Race To Witch Mountain :            PG            2009            98 mins

What production company has brought movie audiences worldwide so much pleasure, on so many levels, for so many decades? There is only one. There's a lot of worthy competition these days for the hearts and minds of children and their parents, that bring us memorable flicks almost non-stop, but none of them have done it for over 80 years consistently. None but the one I haven't even named yet. Why haven't I called its fabled name? Because I don't have to. You know by heart the ONE. The one and only.
Disney studios has done it again! The name "Witch Mountain" carries with it certain expectations. "Escape to Witch Mountain" and "Return to Witch Mountain" have set some Disney precedents in the past. Can you imagine being the fella whose responsibility it is to step up to the plate and deliver yet another instant Disney classic? No pressure there!
I believe director Andy Fickman was up to the task. He did have some help from a much-loved American icon: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. The two space alien teenagers, Anna Sophia Robb ("Sara"), and her brother Alexander Ludwig ("Seth") were all you could hope for with their portrayals of inter-galactic heroes. Carla Gugino took time out from her recently full acting plate, ("Righteous Kill" and "The Watchmen") to help Dwayne and his new friends get their space ship back. Her portrayal of "Dr. Alex Friedman" was solid as "a" rock. (Not to be confused with "The Rock"). Okay...I'm sorry.
One can only imagine the fixes that this foursome got into during their RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN. Better yet, why wonder? Grab the kids and get on down to the theatre and "RACE" TO WITCH MOUNTAIN with them!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

Sylvester Stallone only makes two kinds of movies-over the top stuff that is unrealistic but entertaining to watch; and seriously good films that are unforgettable classics.  The latest "Rambo" is in the latter categorie.  Somebody sensed that this film had "memorable" written all over it before it even went into production.  The "fake" working title was "RAMBO:FIRST BLOOD PART IV".  Now I know that all three previous Rambo movies technically had First Blood in their titles, but moviegoers just called them Rambo Part II, AND Rambo Part III.  "First Blood" was used by the general public only when speaking (reverently) in reference to the film that introduced us to the much beloved character John Rambo.
Stallone seems to sense when we've had enough bang-bang and not enough substance in his movie series.  It is always at that point that he digs deep and creates a film that really delivers the goods.  It's been 26 years since "First Blood", but evidently the "real" John Rambo has always been on Sylvesters' mind.  (In a Willie Nelson sort of way).  Set in modern times there is an actual lesson to be learned from this film.  I like the fact that Christian Missionaries are portrayed in a favorable light in this movie.  Their true grit and love for all mankind whatever the danger, is illustrated on the silver screen in fine fashion.  On the flip side of the same coin, the rough talking mercenary soldiers are shown to be what they are as well.  Brave and unwavering in the face of danger.  The world we live in needs both missionaries and mercenaries.
Folks, I really liked this movie.  It contains God, guns, and guts. (Three of my favorites).  Leave the kids with a sitter, it's way too violent for them, and get thee to a theatre.  If the wife doesn't want to go, take your buddy.  He'll thank you for it.  I've seen it twice already; I'll see it again!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Rango :            PG            2011            107 mins

Folks, "Rango" is a Western. WHAT?

"But I thought RANGO was a cartoon?" It is animated, yes. But it's a Western.

"You mean like HANG 'EM HIGH and THE OUTLAW JOSIE WALES Western? Yes, like that.

"But I thought RANGO was a comedy?" It is. And a very funny one too.

"But I thought Westerns were mostly for adults?" They are, and RANGO is.

"But I thought RANGO was a kid's movie?" It is, and they'll love it!

"Now hold on a dad-gum minute! Westerns are all horses and six-guns and saloons!" Yep, they are. RANGO is too.

"But RANGO has cars and Las Vegas-like towns in it!" Uh-huh...

"You mean to tell me RANGO's a modern-old-fashioned-Western-comedy-drama?" I do.

"Yo' momma!" Now hold on a minute partner. I'll smack you for talkin' 'bout my momma!

"I'm confused?!" You won't be when you see it.

RANGO is a mondo-bizarro flick written by John Logan, who is obviously a mad-man.

It is directed by Gore Verbinski, and for the life of me, I don't know how he put it all together so flawlessly!

Every ones favorite lovable weirdo Johnny Depp has picked yet another winner to star in. How on Earth does he do it?

There's a very frightening rattle snake in this film. There's a crippled, deceitful, turtle in this film. (Yes, I said deceitful turtle.) There are hill-billy moles in this film. I won't go on, but the cast of characters are unusual, lovable, and truly amazing! You'll never forget them!

Ladies and gentlemen, RANGO will one day take it's RIGHTFUL place alongside such animated legends as "Fantasia", "Snow White", "Toy Story", and "Nightmare Before Christmas". It's that good.

"But normally you say something like "wowzer" when you get surprised by a flick!" Normally I do. But RANGO? Let me just say: DOUBLE WOWZER!

P.S. Some stand-out characters/voices to look for:



Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Red Riding Hood :            PG-13            2011            100 mins

Let's say "Nick-at-Night" hooked up with "Lifetime" and IN THEIR DREAMS their love child was a "Twilight" movie. Operative phrase is "in their dreams".

Folks, RED RIDING HOOD is a big swing and a miss. It's fairly obvious what they were going for, but they fanned every pitch. They even had "Bella's" dad (Billy Burke) in the film as "Red's" dad. (I guess for facial recognition and a favorable association). His portrayal wasn't dead pan, it was D.O.A.

Master actor Gary Oldman couldn't save this project, and honestly, it didn't look like he even attempted to. He must have owed somebody a favor, or he needed a paycheck.

The village scenes that were shot up-close were pretty cool, but when there was a panoramic shot, you could almost see the outline of the 4'x8' sheet of plywood the "village in the distance" was built on! I'm being serious.

Weak script, poorly delivered lines, very little stage presence, erratic timing, questionable film editing, and almost absurd references to the original story made for much disappointment in this endeavor.

"Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs" once sang: "Hey there Little Red Riding Hood, you sure are looking good! Don't go walkin' in the woods alone at night". (Or during the day...or ever...)

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Righteous Kill :            R            2008            101 mins
If you've got gasoline and a book of matches, sooner or later you're going to have a fire. Pacino and De Niro? Good golly Miss Molly they know how to roll!
So much is happening in this white-hot drama that even the detectives in the movie can't figure out what's going on. And subplots? Forget about it! Det. Simon Perez ( John Leguizamo ), and his partner Det. Ted Riley ( Donnie Wahlberg ), are sure that they have a serial-killer cop on the loose. Turk ( De Niro ) is sure that they don't. His partner, Rooster ( Pacino ), isn't sure about anything!
There's Spider ( 50 Cent ). Apparently he's on nobody's side. Then there's C.S.I. Karen Corelli ( Carla Gugino ). Apparently she's on everybody's bed, ummm, I mean, side. And like all typical bosses, Lt. Hingis ( Brian Dennehy ), just wants to make sure he ends up on the right side, whatever that may be.
Oleg Taktarov ( Yevgeny Mugalat ), just might screw it up for everybody because it seems he may not even be a regular human like you and I .
All the characters know that when their case comes to a head, it's gonna blow as sure as Mt. Saint Helens. And although the lava will flow slowly down the mountain, it is surely coming. When it arrives, there will be Hell to pay.
My friends, this is a really, really, good movie. I've seen it twice. I'd see it again. It'll probably end up as an Oscar contender.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Rise of the Planet of the Apes :            PG-13            2011            105 mins

"Dude, here's an idea! Let's make a movie where apes are the superior beings and humans are inferior. Oh wait, that's already been done. They called it PLANET OF THE APES."

"Okay, okay. Here's another idea. Let's make a movie where we give drugs to our favorite monkey..."

“DUDE STOP! THEY'RE APES, NOT MONKEYS!”

"Saw-ree man. I'm so insensitive some times...Okay, Okay, our favorite ape. Then our favorite ape gets really smart and goes like, you know- APE!"

"He nearly kills the neighbor 'cause he's a jerk, when the jerk starts roughin' up the smart apes' human sort of a grandpa who had Alzheimer’s, but the smart apes' human sort of a dad gave him the same drugs he gave the apes real monkey mother (There I go again dude, saw-ree), I mean ape momma, just before she gave birth to him."

"She died. Grandpa got a bunch better and then got worse. That's when he tried to steal the jerk neighbor’s car and the jerk snatched him up."

"Our favorite ape then throws a righteous beatin' into the jerk and gets hauled off by animal control."

"Just like with humans, sometimes goin' to prison makes you worse. Our ape-boy gets way worse and starts an ape uprising. Only the other apes aren't as smart as him, so they tear up a bunch of stuff and wreak like, you know, heinous-ness."

"How’s that idea sound for a movie man?"

"THAT IDEA SUCKS DUDE."

"Okay, okay, what should we do?"

"GO SEE "COWBOYS AND ALIENS". IT SOUNDS WAY COOLER."

"Righteous dude! Let's go!"

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

This is the best film Tom Hanks has ever appeared in. Let that sink in for a moment. Think about the statement I just made. "Castaway", "Saving Private Ryan", "Forrest Gump" ...all masterpieces. All taking a back seat to this marvelous story.
A world famous salad dressing maker is in this movie. The man who would be the reincarnation of "007" is in this movie. This is an unforgettable tale that is captivating to watch. You'll turn your head in horror. You'll curse. Your heart will break. You'll cry. This is why you watch movies.
Write down the name of this film so you won't forget it the next time you rent a DVD. My sister turned me on to this flick.
Tks sis! Joel    << Close Review

    Robin Hood :            PG-13            2010            140 mins

An absolute movie-making TRIUMPH! If this were a book, it would be a page turner. You can tell your grandkids about this one folks!

"Robin Longstride"(Russell Crowe) has been ten years gone from his beloved England. As an archer with the army of "King Richard the Lionheart" he has shown himself brave and true in the battles of The Crusades.

Returning home to his country proves to be an even bigger battle. "King Richard" is killed in a side skirmish with the French during the journey home. A knight of the realm and the King's best friend, "Sir Robert Loxley" is also mortally wounded, but presses Robin into fulfilling his dying wish: Return to his father "Sir Walter Loxley" the sword that he had stolen from him ten years earlier. ("Sir Walter" is portrayed magnificently by Max von Sydow).

Reluctantly, Robin agrees to the task. Had he seen "Lady Marion Loxley" (the stunning Cate Blanchett), he might not have been so reluctant. Cate Blanchett threatens to steal any scene she's ever in, simply by her stage presence. She is regal and refined and startlingly sophistiCATEd. And that's when she's still in her trailer just getting ready to act!

There's a treacherous, traitorous, son of a bad woman that I can almost guarantee you'll dislike immediately, and learn to hate later. His name is "Godfrey" and he is the lifelong companion of "King Richard the Lionheart's" younger brother, "Prince John the Weaselheart". (Okay, he's not really called the "Weaselheart", but he oughta be). "Godfrey" and "Prince John" are well and truly portrayed by Mark Strong and Oscar Isaac respectively. Jolly good show by each. (Okay, gimme a break; it's a story based in England and I got caught up in the moment...)

"Friar Tuck" and "Little John" and "The Sheriff of Nottingham" are all involved in this classic tale. You'll enjoy discovering how "Robin Longstride" became "Robin of the Hood".

The acting by all involved is perfect. The turning of some present day woods and fields located somewhere on Earth into 12th century Sherwood Forest and Nottingham village is flawless. The telling of the story is nothing short of brilliant! Ridley Scott is a great director.

Did I say that ROBIN HOOD is a triumph? I did. It is. Take your merry men and maids and make haste. Get thee to the theatre.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

I almost didn't go to see the original "Saw" movie.  Cheesy sensationalism simply doesn't appeal to me; especially when dipped in blood.  Why I went, I can't tell you; but boy am I ever glad I did!  It sounds creepy to say, but I thoroughly enjoyed old jigsaw.  I went to "Saw II" on the strength of the original, and "Saw III" because I couldn't believe that a third one worth watching could be made.  Man, was I ever wrong.  But hold on now, Jigsaw was killed in number three.  How could they make a number four?  Just for the money I figured, but remember, after all the other "Saw"s I hadn't been able to see how they could make another one, so I was hesitant but willing to chance it.  I'm glad I did!
Just about all the deadly sins are covered in the "Saw" movies and you can never quite tell the sinners from the saints the way old Jigsaw runs the game. (even from the grave)  Horror movie? YES it is.  Please don't take the kids.  But "Saw IV" is so much more than that.  This thing is just a couple of notches away from Hitchcockian in it's drama and suspense.  Will there be a "Saw V"? Boy, I hope so!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Saw V :            R            2008            89 mins
When you're born in Alabama, there's a state law that requires your parents to commit your sporting preference for life. They must choose either The University of Alabama, or Auburn University. It's stamped on your birth certificate. Thank God, my folks picked ‘Bama.
If you enjoy anything having to do with a crimson tide, you'll love SAW V. The blood flows freely throughout this horror/vigilante film. What? You hadn't realized that "Jigsaw" is a vigilante? Of course he is! He is a righter of wrongs, and a straightener of the crooked paths. He missed that part in the Bible where the Lord proclaims: "Vengeance is Mine!" Jigsaw thinks vengeance is his. And you thought he was a serial murderer! Why, he's never murdered anyone!
Tobin Bell is perfect for the role of "Jigsaw". (Isn’t Tobin Bell a killer name?) He goes about his diabolical deeds with a quiet relish and calm, cold-blooded expertise. In life he was an engineer. That's how he was able to design his ingenious torture machines. In death, he is a legend of sorts. That's how he is able to live vicariously thru his "student". Like the Manson Family goons, the apt pupil carries out all of "Jigsaw’s” will posthumously.
I generally detest bloody, gory movies. They are cheesy and low brow. Pointless and uninteresting. We have enough wack-jobs coming up with real-life horror stories all on their own. Watching innocent people die for our entertainment smacks of ancient Rome. Rome "fell" in large part due to their decadence. Let's not go down that path! But wait a minute. These victims aren't innocent. Their deaths are warranted aren't they?
I'll let you decide that after you've seen the movie. Ultra-violent and very gory,"SAW V” carries on the legacy of the series. We had hoped for another "SAW" movie and we got it. I wasn't disappointed. Will there be a "SAW VI”? I say "Roll Tide".
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Saw VI :            R            2009            90 mins

Any of the other "Saws" that I saw, were better than the "Saw" that I just saw. I guess the old folks were right: All good things must eventually come to an end.

The SAW franchise has apparently run its course. The producers didn't recognize when to quit. SAWS 1-5 were very entertaining and shocking and surprising and intriguing. SAW VI ? Not so much.

The director didn't even have to worry about filming much new stuff. Lots of archived material was dredged up from the previous flicks and re-hashed for our yawning pleasure.

Cheesy, gory, and ultra-violent, with a certain 50's B-Movie quality, has always been the SAWS appeal; its stock in trade. Now it's just boring.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Secretariat :            PG            2010            116 mins

A great race horse deserves to have his story well told. "Secretariat" the horse was legendary. SECRETARIAT the movie is too!

No Triple Crown winner comes close to matching the excitement created by "Secretariat". About as unlikely a scenario as one could possible experience, THE horse, his owner, his trainer and everybody involved, were written off as long shots. LONG SHOTS INDEED!

Every member of the audience was spellbound for two hours as this story unfolded on the silver screen.

I was alive and very aware of the history that was in the making right in front of me when these events actually took place back in the day. The electricity running through the country was palpable. Doctors and lawyers, hippies and high-schoolers, housewives and dock workers all had one thing in common that glorious race season: They were all fans of "Secretariat".

If, like me, you are old enough to re-live that thrilling time, you'll love this film. If you're not, you'll love this film. If you don't know who in the world "Secretariat" is, you'll love this film!

Clearly a contender for movie of the year in my book, SECRETARIAT is not to be missed!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

First you've got to know, I can't stand Will Ferrell.  Stupid is okay with me, just not his brand of stupid.  But like our first president, I can not tell a lie.  Folks, I laughed throughout this entire movie!  Every thing about this film works.  The music is fun.  The costumes are fun.  The basketball scenes are fun.  The script is hilarious and flawlessly acted.
The biggest problem most of the comedic directors have these days is the inability to hook sight gags together into a cohesive movie.  Usually there is no concept, just a bunch of goobers sitting around saying "ya that's funny, let's throw that in too...".  The result is stuff that individually might be quite good, but inappropriate and akward when mixed together.  Not this time.  This baby works!
To give you an idea of just how much fun this movie is, let me tell you that I was just coming off of four days of being miserably sick with a cold and sinus junk.  I was in no mood to be charitable-especially to Will Ferrell.  But Mr. Ferrell, Woody Harrelson, and Andre' Benjamin led a fine cast of lovable and laughable characters on a funny romp across the screen.  At this point I must also admit a secret admiration for Maura Tierney.  This actress brings a certain quality to everything she's in.  She has a stage presence that is captivating. (Sorry to use such a trite word, but captivating she is.)  Maura, my phone number is in the book....
Anyway, (wow that cold medicine really does make you goofy), go see this flick.  Everyone needs a good laugh occasionally and you will find one here.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Seven Pounds :            PG-13            2008            118 mins
Heart crushing and achingly beautiful, no words can describe this masterpiece. If possible, this film should be enshrined in the Louvre' Art Museum in Paris.
Will Smith has been destined for Oscar greatness. He has been moving unswervingly and steadily towards it for the last few years. With "Seven Pounds", he has achieved it. Rosario Dawson can no longer be considered just another pretty face. With her role as "Emily Posa", she has arrived. Woody Harrelson and Barry Pepper, already note-worthy actors, have added another notch to there acting guns with their small but mighty portrayals of a blind man and best friend respectively.
I have seen thousands of movies in my lifetime. AS I WAS WATCHING this flick I knew that it was one of the very best films I had ever seen. There was no sorting out. No further consideration. No need to ponder the obvious. I knew without reservation that what I was watching was cinematic perfection.
You have an opportunity to see a memorable story-telling triumph that will surely go down in Hollywood history. I respectfully suggest that you do so.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Sherlock Holmes :            PG-13            2009            128 mins

When I was a child, I believed that Sherlock Holmes was a real historical legend. An incomparable detective who could figure out the most impossible conundrums. A man of unusual habits and a phenomenal mind. A bit arrogant and aloof, yet the first to jump in to keep the good folks of Britain safe when criminals disturbed the peace.

To this very day, there are people who make pilgrimages to 221-B Baker Street in London to visit the home of a man who never existed. We know his brother Mycroft. His best friend Dr. John Watson. We know that he loves to fiddle around with an old violin. That occasionally he gets depressed and needs a criminal case to occupy his mind. The creator of Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle made us all believers and he did it brilliantly.

If director Guy Ritchie intends to mess around with this beloved icon, he better have ALL of his ducks in a row by golly.

Guess what? He does! This is nothing less than a re-branding of the great detective. While all due respect is paid to the original Holmes, we are introduced to other facets of his character. His less than savory back street brawls. The implication that he tampered with products best left in a pharmacist’s capable hands. His, shall we say, "lady" friends.

Please don't misunderstand- the story is told with all the discretion and good taste one would expect of this true English gentleman. But his secrets are revealed and his adventures displayed with more action than Victorian England would care to see. Modern American audiences (decidedly NOT Victorian) can wrap their easily-bored minds around this "new" Holmes with true enthusiasm.

Robert Downey Jr. simply does a masterful job capturing the original Sherlock Holmes entirely, while stretching our perceptions to new heights. No mean feat, that. Holmes' fans are particular in their expectations.

Jude Law is the best "Watson" ever. Deferring to Holmes as always, but less of a sycophant than other portrayals. John Watson is, after all, a doctor, a fighter, and a lover in his own right. No dumb bunny he. And no reason to lick anyone’s boots- including Holmes.

I just had so much fun and satisfaction while watching this film. Old fan or new, I know you'll enjoy "Sherlock Holmes". Hurry to the theatre now- "the game is a 'foot!"

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Shoot 'Em Up :            R            2007            86 mins
If the Three Stooges set out to make an action movie, this would be it! Delivering a baby while engaged in a gunfight? Making love while engaged in a gunfight? Shooting at a playground merry-go-round so that the impact of the bullets would make it spin, thus making the baby that's on the equipment a moving target that can't be assassinated by a sniper? Folks, I'm not making this up. But somebody did!
As pertains to movies, it is a statistical fact that films that last less than ninety minutes are almost always a flop. ( Unless they are animated and/or made specifically for children ) This little endeavor lasts eighty-six minutes. It's about par for the course.
I gave it an overall rating of "one" because it really was so farcical that you either had to laugh or cry. I chose to laugh. If the viewer doesn't laugh, it ain't funny, if you know what I mean.
Be forewarned: This flick is very violent. But it is simultaneously so silly that you can't really be bothered by that. The gunslinger, as it were, has a girlfriend that's a prostitute. He is not her pimp mind you, just her boyfriend. Several times he has to literally pull her off of some guy, or pull some guy off of her. He likes her anyway though, 'cause she's just doing it for the money, not for love or pleasure. WHAT?!?!
If these people were real, they would be so absurd that they would be dysfunctional. But movies are often times made to just be ridiculous pass-times, and SHOOT 'EM UP sure fills that bill!
It's an '07 flick that I bought "pre-viewed" for just a few dollars. Like some of those young entertainers that think that they are "stylish and slick", when really they are more "whorish and sick", this little attention-getting effort just bumbles along, oblivious to any sort of applicable reality.
Remember this: If you don't like the story, you can always use the DVD as a sun-catcher in your vehicle, or at home as a drink coaster. Oh wait. The DVD has a hole in the middle. Condensation would drip through and put a ring on your end table . So much for the coaster idea. Oh well. I'm out of justifications for purchasing this thing. Do what you want. Hey, wait a minute. You could always use it for target practice . That way, you could shoot IT up!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Shutter Island :            R            2010            138 mins

I have two words for you: MARTIN SCORSESE. "Gangs Of New York", "The Aviator", "Shine A Light", "The Last Waltz", "Goodfellas", "Cape Fear", "Raging Bull", "Casino", "The Departed", and of course, "Taxi Driver". ( And that's just a partial list!)

I have two words for you: LEONARDO DICAPRIO. "Gangs Of New York", "The Aviator", "The Departed", "Blood Diamond", "Body Of Lies", and of course, "Titanic"( Notice any collaboration visa vi Scorsese and DiCaprio?)

I have two words for you: BEN KINGSLEY. "House Of Sand And Fog", "Lucky Number Slevin", "Rules Of Engagement", and of course, "Gandhi". (again, just a partial list.)

With those fellas and a host of other well-cast roles, one would almost have to try really hard to mess this project up.

The story goes something like this: A Secret Service agent (DiCaprio), and his partner (Mark Ruffalo) journey to an island off the coast of New England that houses a mental institution for the criminally insane. Almost immediately they are creeped out by the sinister and peculiar actions of the people running the place. Notice I said the people running the place. Of course you'd expect the inmates to be a bit odd, but the Doctors?

The purpose of the lawmen's visit is to investigate the mysterious disappearance of one of the patients- a woman who drowned her three children and still thinks she lives at home.

The web gets more and more tangled; the fear level rises. It seems that perhaps the TRUE lunatics ARE running the asylum. Something is going on at SHUTTER ISLAND that just doesn't add up. Is it secret government experiments? Torture of patients? Avant-garde scientific techniques? And why is EVERYBODY so darn evasive? They can't (or won't) answer the simplest questions!

As the twisted, psychotic storm rages inside the institution, a fearsome Nor'easter threatens to drown half the population and tear the old Civil War prison turned looney-bin off its foundation.

My wives used to hate it when I'd figure out what was going on plot-wise about fifteen minutes into a movie. Folks, I was completely taken by surprise by SHUTTER ISLAND. I never did figure out what was up until the very end!

In conclusion, let me just say that I have four words for you: GO SEE SHUTTER ISLAND!!!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

Someone call the National Transportation Safety Board, there's been a train wreck. "Speed Racer" is absolutely absurd! Positively one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The ten minutes of good film isn't worth the other 125 minutes of "you've got to be kidding me!"
Before I send this to the trash bin on my computer, I will mention the only redeeming quality this movie has: The special effects are dazzling. Computer generated graphics of the highest quality. However lavishly you gild road apples though, they still taste funny.
Perhaps this flick could be put to good use as a mobile over an infants' crib. The pretty colors and fast moving graphics might hold a baby's attention. I am quite certain they can't hold anybody else's.
In conclusion let me say : "GO SPEED RACER, GO SPEED RACER, GO SPEED RACER, GO-O" (Far away and never come back!)
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Star Trek :            PG-13            Star Date 20090.5            127 mins

Let me just say: Phenomenal! Unexpected! Very satisfying and entertaining!
Unlike "Clone Wars", which was merely a faithful anime' reproduction of the timeless classics we all know and love as the "Star Wars" series, STAR TREK is a re-imagining to the point of slightly altering long-held perceptions of the STAR TREK pantheon. An anthology of sorts. Simultaneously traditional and contemporary. Me likey!
Absolutely precise in it's faithfulness to the well-known characters and themes, yet unique in it's own right, this new "STAR TREK" reveals details about the captain and crew of the "Starship Enterprise" that the audience didn't realize they never knew!
The young people cast to depict Kirk, Spock, Uhura (her first name is Nyota), Scotty, Chekov, “Bones", and Sulu certainly did their homework. From facial expressions to body language, the portrayals were flawless. Pretty faces don't make up for poor acting. Someone must have drilled that notion into these kids’ skulls, because their professionalism and skill level are of the highest quality!
Do I sound like I'm gushing? I am! I missed STAR TREK movies so much that any old cookie-cutter reproduction would have sufficed. But THIS! This is over the top! Spot on film editing, exciting musical score, cool storyline, and a surprising amount of humor, make for two hours of great entertainment.
Go where no man has gone before. Go see how it all started. Go see STAR TREK!
Tks, Joel

PS: live long and.....well, you know....     << Close Review

    Star Wars: The Clone Wars :            PG            2008            98 mins
Anime:   an’i’me
Pronunciation: "anna-may"   (like "Anna May, she sure was a goodin'. Too bad she got hit by that bus.")
Function: noun
Etymology: Japanese, animation, short for "animeshiyon", from English
Date: 1988
Definition: A style of animation originating in Japan that is characterized by stark colorful graphics depicting vibrant characters in action-filled plots often with fantastic or futuristic themes.

  .............................................................

I'll bet you thought that "Clone Wars" would stink didn't you? Ya, I did too. After all, why mess with success? The STAR WARS films were one of the most wildly successful movie series in box office history. All George Lucas could do was screw it up, right? The only way to go was down.
WRONG! Although I was fully prepared not to like this movie, I simply couldn't help myself. This project was risky but successful. If you liked the other STAR WARS films, you'll like this one just as much. All of the old favorite characters are back and "Jabba the Hutt" has a large part in this particular flick. "Jabba" is one of my favorites. If that fat ugly dude can get chicks, there’s hope for all of us reasonably good looking guys to maybe get a date too.
The characters, although animated, are based on actors that you will recognize and already love. This flick has a pleasing familiarity to it that draws you in right away. Not much of a mental adjustment period at all. In fact, I forgot I was watching an animated film after a little while and just became immersed in the story.
Let me conclude by saying stop worrying about it and just go. You’ll be glad you did!
May the Force be with you.....Joel    << Close Review

    State Of Play :            PG-13            2009            127 mins

Russell Crowe could paint a Ferrari John Deere green and make it seem like the right thing to do. Mr. Crowe is one of the best. Ben Affleck does a fine job when he's in a role where he can't act all "cutsie". Ben turned in one of his best performances ever. Robin Wright Penn doesn't star in much, but when she does, she's memorable.
STATE OF PLAY is a good story. Thoughtful without being dull. Smooth without being slick. While watching you think you've got it all figured out, and you might! The male lead (Crowe) is a newspaper reporter after all, and he takes very good notes!
One of my favorite little tid-bits in this flick is the way Crowe interacts with the newspapers "on-line" reporter, played by Rachel McAdams. Miss McAdams character is new to the news, and Rachel herself is a relative newcomer to the silver screen. Crowe brings her along in the storyline on the screen, and as his co-star in the real world of Hollywood film-making. He does so without upstaging her in both cases. That's class and professionalism.
I love two hour movies. Sometimes longer ones are a little too long. If shorter, I often feel "gypped". STATE OF PLAY is "just right" in a lot of ways. Teens can see it, but would probably be bored. (Finally a movie for just adults!) Little ones wouldn't get it and shouldn't go anyway.
Perfect! Grab your spouse and feel good about a night out at the movie theatre, spending your time and money on a film that's well worth both!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

God has blessed me with many opportunities in my life. One of my favorites is the chance to critique' films. Being a movie critic is like working at the landfill. A man has to sift through a lot of garbage before he happens upon a treasure. I discovered a gem Friday night.
Tired, tense, and looking for a ventilator after a long week, I was yearning for a good old cops and bad guys shoot 'em up. You know; street-fightin' beat downs. Boy was I ever rewarded! "Street Kings" is mayhem at it's finest! I have always admired Keanu Reeves work, but truthfully, even though he has been cast as a rough character before, I have never really considered him a "tough guy". I've changed my mind!
Det.Tom Ludlow (Reeves) is a bad mamma-jamma. Det.Tom will throw a beatin' into a punk who is well deserving of such a thing. He will kick them, hit them with a phone book, cuss em', shoot em', whatever it takes. His boss is Capt. Jack Wander (Forest Whitaker), a man who admires Det.Tom as the "Tip of the spear". You've seen the rest of the cast in other things and you've loved them. Hugh Laurie is the man who heads up Internal Affairs. If you like him as T.V.'s "House", you'll love him here! Chris Evans ("Fantastic Four") is "Disk", a character you'll admire. Cedric the Entertainer plays a serious role and does a great job. The list of good actors in this film is too long to mention.
Folks, we all love a good bang-bang movie occasionally and this baby fills the bill. The bad guys are mean, the good guys are mean, the only nice guy in the whole movie is.....
GOTHCHA.... I ain't tellin' what happens. You'll find out when you see it!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Taken :            PG-13            2009            93 mins

"I have a particular set of skills learned over many years… If you will let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it...If you don't, I WILL look for you, I WILL find you, and I WILL kill you."
Any father would make such threats faced with the dilemma of his beloved daughter’s abduction. Few fathers would have the actual training to make good on their threats however. But then most daddies aren't "Bryan Mills" (Liam Neeson).
Ex-C.I.A., and desperate to have a relationship with his estranged daughter, "Bryan" strongly objects to his 17 year old child's upcoming trip to Paris. "It's too dangerous". ("I'll be with Amanda daddy, she's been before and she’s 19". We'll visit the Louvre and other museums; it'll be educational!") ....Hasn't every parent had those sorts of conversations? Those same fears?
Your worst nightmares are usually baseless. "Bryan Mills" were not. As a retired government operative, he had dealt with the evil that lurks in the hearts of men his entire career. But this time, the evil was perpetrated against his own flesh and blood.
Throughout his career, Liam Neeson has quietly turned in stellar performances time and again. Still, many folks know him by face, but not by name. After TAKEN, they'll readily recognize him by both. Seamless, and often filmed close to the gut, this is an engaging story that is filled with exciting action shots and a believable connect-the-dots sequence of events.
Folks, I really, really like this flick. The marketing boys have said that it is "Bournesque", and it is. But that's a compliment at best, and short of the actual fact at worst. This film is deeper than "The Bournes", but just as exciting. More personally frightening. Closer to home.
Its wintertime and wintertime blows big icy chunks. Go warm up at the theatre and be taken with TAKEN.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Terminator Salvation :            PG-13            2009            115 mins

All that the TERMINATOR franchise could have ever been, it has never been. I think that's because nobody ever took it seriously. Not the producers; not the directors. Fantasy sci-fi was created to intrigue and entertain and sell tickets. Not bad as a modus-operandi mind you. Just not exactly the high road.
Something has happened with this latest TERMINATOR incarnation though. Something wonderful. The powers that be in the world of all things Terminator, obviously decided to take a serious stab at this thing. They started by hiring a real actor- Christian Bale. (Sorry "Governator", I love ya, but.....).
They followed through by telling more of an actual story than previous outings could be bothered with. In Terminators past, the problem with "The Machines" was that they were...ah...machines. Barely accessible emotionally to the average human being. People want to somehow relate to others. Even if they hate them. But those machines-who cares? I am not going to spoil it for you, but let's just say the screen-writer fixed that problem.
John Connor (Bale) was a guy one could be interested in this go 'round. And his momma? Thankfully she was relegated to tape-recorded messages. That unrealistically hard-nosed biddy that we saw portrayed in other Terminator flicks, just didn't seem like a mother. Just a twenty-four carat, rotating....well, you know. TERMINATOR SALVATION's "tape-recorded mom" seemed more warm and caring than in the past.
Is this a great flick? No. But it is definitely a good one. Terminator junkies won't be disappointed, and new fans to the series will get to see the best of the bunch.
This is good summer fun when you need a break from the sun and heat. Let dad shower after mowing and everybody enjoy mom's cold fruit salad. Then pile into the mini-van and check this reprised franchise out. TERMINATOR could be just the SALVATION you need from summer’s dog days.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    The American :            R            2010            105 mins

If the recently released "Machete" is a movie, THE AMERICAN must be something else. Something more. Much more. Those two films can't even possibly be the same medium!

George Clooney stars as "Jack"; an American assassin who has an additional skill- he's a master gunsmith. Hired by a woman named "Ingrid" (Irini Bjorklund) to build a special weapon from scratch, "Jack" feels a little uneasy about her from the start. She is beautiful but dangerous.

"Jack" isn't very satisfied with the way things are going lately, and he reckons that it is time to get out of this dirty business. He strikes up a friendship with Father Benedetto (Paulo Bonacelli) and a local working girl who's tired of her business as well. (Violante Placida as "Clara".)

JACK and CLARA are falling in love, and the priest is turning out to be a good friend. But something is still amiss. Can JACK fix it all and turn a page in his life?

Folks, this is a very beautiful and masterfully done film. It reminds me of an old Cary Grant picture. It has the feel of a foreign film without all the usual drawbacks of that genre'.

The violence makes up a very small part of the story and takes up little screen time. There is an undertone of suspense throughout the whole project though that makes this film powerful.

Don't be scared off by the nudity. It is full frontal but tasteful, and it too takes up little screen time. JACK and CLARA are making love, not starring in a porno.

This thing didn't seem to make much of a splash at the box office, but it hit my hot-button. I think you'd like it.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    The Bank Job :            R            2008            111 mins
They intended to open the vault. Instead, they opened Pandora's Box! This flick has more hidden agendas than a high-school dance. ”Martine Love" (Saffron Burrows) wants some photos. MI-5 (or is it 6?) wants the contents of safe deposit box 118 VERY badly. "Lord Drysdale" wants to try and put the, shall we say, scandalous cat back in the bag. "Terry Leather" (Jason Statham) just wants the money.
As it turns out, the bank robbers got what they wanted, but not the way they'd planned to. The Queen's men are very results-oriented fellas. What they're intent on acquiring seems to be well within their capabilities to achieve. MI-5 is undaunted by these bungling first time bank robbers. Or are they? It's been said that the "Titanic" was built by professionals and "Noah's Ark" was built by amateurs. You all know how those stories turned out right? Same deal here.
This is far and away the most accomplished work Jason Statham has done. This project was undertaken in England. Had it been done in the United States it would've opened in more theatres and been properly marketed. Many folks have never even heard of "The Bank Job", let alone seen it!
The film has a few weaknesses in the first ten minutes but that doesn't stop this factual tale from gelling into a "page turner" as it were. The characters are well developed and the story very engrossing as scenes roll by and the viewer is captivated to no end.
Folks trust me: "The Bank Job" is a keeper. Pull it off the shelf and make a purchase. One viewing won't be enough. People are under the impression that the cream floats to the top, and that you can't keep a good movie down. That is simply not always the case. True gems are occasionally overlooked at the box office . This is one of those times. DVD’s are one of the best entertainment values out there. Especially when encoded with master works like "The Bank Job". Buy it. Watch it. Love it.
Tks, Joel

P.S.: Just a tidbit. The real-life bank job upon which this film is based, netted the robbers more money than the actual "Great Train Robbery" thieves acquired during that heist.
    << Close Review

    The Blind Side :            PG-13            2009            128 mins

Man are you folks gonna love this movie! Probably the best thing that Sandra Bullock has ever done, and fine performances by the rest of the cast as well.

A friend of mine said his wife cried all the way through it, and his son proclaimed: “That’s the best movie I've ever seen. Of course I'm only ten".

I love stories that are heartwarming and/or real. BLINDSIDE is heartwarming AND real!

In real life, Michael Oher plays for the Baltimore Ravens. He is one large dude. Oher is brought to "reel" life on the silverscreen by actor Quinton Aaron, no small man himself.

You probably know the unlikely story by now: Abandoned black boy from the slums of Memphis taken in by a rich white family. At first the impetus for this arrangement was purely compassion. But the "Tuohy's" love of "Ole Miss" football and the young man's size and strength naturally evolve into a very logical conclusion- this kid should be playing football !

With all of the world's woes, it's nice to see some loving people doing the right thing for a change. You just can't miss this one boys and girls.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    The Box :            PG-13            2009            115 mins

I'd be willing to wager that the short story "Button, Button" from which this movie was derived wasn't half bad. However, the ensuing screenplay, dialogue, acting, timing, lighting, EVERYTHING else was crummy.

I was stunned that Cameron Diaz was even in this thing. Hollywood being the fickle place it is, she has probably decreased her value on the "open market" as it were.

Several times director Richard Kelly came close to developing an actual point of interest. Close, but no cigar.

Even a billionaire should have a sense of economy and spend their money wisely. In these economic times, despite the value that cinema still is in general, it perhaps would be prudent to return this "box", full of uh...stuff, to the shelf and shop elsewhere for entertainment.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    The Book of Eli :            R            2010            118 mins

I've waited 30 years to see the next "Road Warrior". I knew that someday, someone would make it. I never dared dream though, that it would be this good. Thank you directors Albert and Allen Hughes for that.

Transcendent. Beautiful. Violent. Peaceful. Wise. Essential, invaluable TRUTH. That's what's in Eli's Book. That's why he protects it. That's why he's protected.

Remarkable performances by Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Beals, and Ray Stevenson.

If you understand this film, I don't have to explain it to you. If you don't I can't.

Crack open your mind if it's closed. Crack open your stony heart. Crack open THE BOOK OF ELI- please. The very hand of GOD is on this movie.

Alleluia.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

I paid four dollars to see this movie.  I would pay four hundred to see it again!  Two strangers meet in a cancer ward where they discover what they have in common-six months to live.  Jack Nicholson is billionaire Edward Cole.  Morgan Freeman is his polar opposite Carter Chambers.  Thrown together by fate each of them has nothing more to lose.  As a result,they gain a great deal.
The pressure would be enourmous to meet the collosal expectations of a theatre-going audience accustomed to greatness from these two wonderful actors.  The least they would be expected to deliver would have to be, well, great!  Jack and Morgan actually exceed those expectations in this masterpiece.  Every aspect of this film is movie-making at it's highest level.
You'll recognize "Thomas"(Sean Hayes) as Mr.Coles' personal assistant, and won't soon forget Beverley Todd as Carter's wife, Virginia.  Both of them portrayed their parts brilliantly amidst the long shadows cast by acting giants Nicholson and Freeman.
If you don't see many movies and want some "bang for your buck" when you do go, go see this one.  If you're like me, and see a gracious plenty each year but still have to "choose" between several flicks every once in a while because of time constraint, go see this one.  If neither of these situations applies to you, choose your own rationale and go see this one.  Are you listening to me?  Go see this movie! (You won't regret it).
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

Folks, when you see this movie (AND YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE!), the review will make sense!
( Exodus 14:28 ) "The water came and covered the chariots, the cavalry, and the whole Egyptian army that had followed the Israelites into the sea. Not one of them was left alive."
At first only Lucy could see Aslan. The others were a bit skeptical. They knew He existed of course, but it had been a long time since they'd seen Him. But as it says in The Holy Bible: "If God be for me, who can be against me?"
All hail Prince Caspian. All hail Aslan, The Lion of Judah. The King of Kings!
A word to Disney: Just keep filming "The Chronicles of Narnia" and don't worry - We'll come back when you call us. No need to say goodbye.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    The Dark Knight :              PG-13             2008             152 mins
No less an authority than Michael Caine said that Heath Ledger should win an Oscar for his role in "The Dark Knight”. And Caine knows what he's talking about. He has won two Oscars and has twenty-five additional awards to boot. He has been nominated thirty-six times. And HE had a secondary role in this flick as "Alfred”, Batman’s concierge.
In the past I have seen roles depicted that were as good as Ledger’s portrayal of "The Joker”. Never have I seen any better. As an audience member I was in the room with a true maniac. Not watching an actor portraying a maniac on the silver screen mind you, but in the room with a raving psychotic. The entire audience was in "The Joker's" terrifying grasp. Everyone feared him. Everyone except "Batman".
Christian Bale owns this role. He claimed it in "Batman Begins" (2005). Mr. Bale brings the theatre going public a very real "Batman”. A vigilante that struggles with the noble desire to see "good" prevail, and a voyager that treads on the "dark side" seeking revenge. Unlike other heroes, "Batman" has no super powers granted by an unseen force. His alter ego, billionaire "Bruce Wayne" has simply had enough of evil men, and he has the funds, the brains, and the physical attributes to do something about it. Gotham’s bad boys walk softly when "Batman" comes around.
I'll not attempt to review the terrific actors in this instant classic. It is simply impossible to do them all justice. But they are in this film, portraying their characters with unrivaled performances. Words simply can not describe the caliber of the acting in this movie. My friends, this movie is as good as film-making gets. It is of the comic-book-made-into-a-movie genre’, but even though the category may seem light-weight, don’t be fooled. The resulting masterpiece is powerful and unforgettable. Think of the very best film you've ever seen. "The Dark Knight" will match it.
It is a crying shame that Heath Ledger will never grace us with another performance like the one he delivered as "The Joker”. Most actors aspire to this sort of preeminence and simply are not possessed of the talent to deliver it. Good bye Heath. We miss you already....
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    The Day The Earth Stood Still :            PG-13            2008            103 mins
In the original 1951 film version of THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, leading man Michael Rennie spoke these words to his large robotic bodyguard: "Gort, Klaatu murada niktuu". All these years, I've never known what that meant until know. Roughly translated, it means "bend over, grab your ankles, and kiss whatever part of your body you'll miss the most goodbye". Gort was, and is, one bad automaton.
This film confirms what I've suspected for many years. The environmentalists' strategy to save the Earth starts with killing off all the people. After we're gone the cockroaches and venus flytraps can live happily ever after without interference from us selfish humans.
Jaden Smith does a good job portraying a kid that you won't like very much. Jennifer Connelly dusts off her one-note symphony and trots it out for all to suffer thru yet again. I can't think of anyone better than Keanu Reeves to play "Klatuu", the visitor from outer space. Keanu usually seems a little spacey anyway, so all he had to do was act naturally. He did a fine job. He always does.
The director captures the audiences' attention immediately, and like a child with a jar full of lightening bugs, doesn't know what to do with our attention now that he has it, so he simply lets it go. The first half of this flick was quite good. The second half was the "Day the Earth Stood Still Out of Sheer Boredom".
In the end, the outer-space environmentalist just leaves and goes home and everyone is much better off as a result of his departure. Maybe our Earth-bound environmentalists will do the same someday. We should be so lucky.
Buy the original and watch it. It's old and campy and a lot more fun.
Gort: "Keanu murada nin-comb-poop."
Tks, Joel

PS: May this farce be with you.....

    << Close Review

What a bunch of fun! "Crouching Tiger" meets "The Lord of the Rings" and it's a blast! Kung-fu is by far the most stylish of all the martial arts and when properly choreographed its beauty and grace is captured for all to see. The fight scenes are stunningly beautiful and exciting to watch. What makes these martial arts movies so appealing is the actual skill of the actors. I love John Wayne, but he wasn't really a cowboy. I love Sylvester Stallone, but he's not really an ex-special forces soldier. But Jackie Chan and Jet Li? They are real-life kung-fu masters portraying legendary kung-fu masters! Very cool indeed.
This flick has a Monkey King and a whip-toting beautiful wicked witch with 20 feet of awesome white hair. It has a young American boy time traveling to ancient China to fight an evil warlord you'll love to hate. It's got Buddhist monks and an orphan girl seeking to avenge the death of her family. Gorgeous scenery and stunning horses. If you can't find something to like about this film, better check your blood-oxygen level my brothers and sisters 'cause I believe ya'll about to check out!
See you at the popcorn stand; I'm going to this one again!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    The Happening :
David Guterson wrote a book titled "Snow Falling On Cedars". It was his first book and netted him fame and fortune. Unfortunately it also saddled him with a predicament. As David himself said, subsequent books he wrote were not judged on there own merits, but always contrasted to his masterpiece.
That's M. Night Shyamalan's problem. Early on he brought us such amazing films as "Signs" (2002) and "The Village" (2004). Everything else he does is compared to those works. That hurts him and his audience as well. When I go to a high-dollar restaurant I have different expectations than when I go to a fast food joint. However, that doesn't make the fast-food bad, just a different type meal suited to the mood I'm in.
Is "The Happening" a masterpiece like "The Village"? No. But please don't sell it short-you'll miss a good flick if you do. This movie has the Shyamalan trade marks: unexpected flashes of film that will surprise you. Hitchcock-ian twists that you simply can not anticipate. Peaceful scenes of love and familial warmth entwined with an almost horror film quality.
What do think would happen if you compared your current girl friend with your former one? Nothing good would come of it, I can assure you! So enjoy your current paramour and enjoy "The Happening”. It’s a good solid film in its own right and well worth the price of admission.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    The Haunting In Connecticut :            PG-13            2009            92 mins

Dude! Talking about necromancing the stone! This flick was scary! And PG-13 too!
I knew that I would probably be taking my grands to see "Monsters vs. Aliens" before the week was out, so that presented me with a dilemma: What should I see Friday night? The crop of horror movies that has oozed out of Hollywood lately could more appropriately be called "horrible movies". Cheesy, low budget, predictable, gore for gore's sake with redundant themes. That about sizes up the pitiful trash that "Tinsel Town" has thrown out lately.
But hold up! My on the scene mini-reviewers who had stayed after work Thursday night to preview the new offerings, said that THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT wasn't bad. Hey, hey if they say "not bad", it's usually not bad!
Guess what? It wasn't bad! My buddies at the local box office were 100% correct.
This flick is about the weird stuff that happens to a family that moves into what used to be a funeral home. It reminded me of my mispent youth when I used to date a gal that actually rented an apartment located over a funeral home. On a quiet night we could hear the organ playing solemn music and the mourners wailing with grief. It was partially amusing to two young lovers who felt immune to death, and partially irritating to us because it is difficult to set the right "mood" for two young lovers to do what young lovers do! Ya still with me? Anyway, bats would occasionally fly in the windows and back out again (thank goodness).That didn't help with the whole atmosphere thing either. Fortunately she didn't stay there long.
This certainly isn't Alfred Hitchcockian, but after the horror film drought that Hollyweird has experienced for so long, even muddy water will do! This thing should be given kudos for just being half decent. Which it is.
If you like good horror flicks, you'll probably be satisfied with this film. I know I was.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    The Incredible Hulk :
It is truly difficult to bring a comic book hero to life in a movie. It is even tougher when you don't have much to work with. “Superman”, “Batman” and even "Spiderman" can get into various situations and use different aspects of their "powers" to extricate themselves from the predicament. The Hulk? He's a one note symphony. If he can't fight his way out, he’s pretty much screwed.
Enter Edward Norton (Dr. Bruce Banner/ The Hulk), screen writer Zak Penn, and director Louis Leterrier. What a team! There is a raw power that emanates from The Hulk that will blow your hair back in the tenth row of the theatre! This is the kind of edgy, scary almost real-life Hulk that we have all been waiting for all these years. This is the potential that we all knew was there all along, but had almost given up hope of ever actually experiencing. This HULK is a bad man.("Bad" like Muhammed Ali, not Joseph Stalin.) All former "Hulks" have been silly pretenders to the throne. This HULK, ladies and gentlemen, is THE MAN! (The really big, very strong, unbelievably fast, bright green man!)
This is the true not-so-Jolly-green giant. This "HULK", (O.k., I am going to apologize in advance for this one....) is INCREDIBLE!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    The Karate Kid :            PG            2010            140 mins

THE KARATE KID is unbelievable! No, seriously. It's unbelievable.... "Dre Parker's" mother can't get a job in Detroit, but she gets a job in China?

The mother of our young hero could have actually been written out of the script, except for the fact that then there would have been NO semi-plausible reason that the young man would even be in China.

The first friend that "Dre" (Jaden Smith) makes early after his arrival is also irrelevant. He plays a pointless part and after the first couple of scenes we never see him again! Somebody please tell me why that character was in the script?

"Dre's" little puppy-love interest, "Meiying" (Wenwen Han) appears unimpressively throught the film. She has almost no stage presence.

Jackie Chan is no "Mr. Miyagi". The affectionate bond between master and student simply doesn't resonate in this remake the way it did back in the 80's between Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita.

The few interesting moments of this flick can't carry the whole film. I really wanted to like this movie. I did like the IDEA of remaking it. But that was before I saw it.

When the film was over, I didn't know whether to "boo", or "boo-hoo".

Unbelievable.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    The Last House On The Left :            R            2009            100 mins

What would you do to the people who brutally raped, shot, and left for dead your teenage daughter? In real life, not many folks get the chance to take revenge for such an act of violence. But at the cinema? Ah, yes.
Wes Craven was the man who originally brought us the perfect mixture of unbelievable horror and vivid realism that trade-marked his legendary films. People flocked to the theatre to watch his stuff. Apparently, he's the man who footed the bill for this remake of one of his own movies.
Director Dennis IIiadis is obviously an apt pupil. He learned well from Mr. Craven the art that horror films can be. (But so rarely are.) A lady viewing this movie at my local theatre ran from the screening room Friday night, exclaiming that she couldn't take it. Her self-assessment was correct-she subsequently fainted!
Be forewarned, THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT is a place you don't want to be unless you're sure you can take what the girl's parents dish out.
Unmatched mayhem ensues as the criminals unwittingly stumble upon the parents vacation house after a car crash. The criminals act civilized and are offered comfort and medical treatment. (Dad's a doctor.) As the bad guys settle into the guest house, (a storm prevents their departure), daughter crawls home and tells the gruesome story. What happens next is frightening and relentless.
I must admit that I enjoyed this film. Well, maybe "enjoyed" is the wrong word, but I understood how and why the vigilante justice took place and was a little ashamed, but at the same time, feeling justifiably satisfied with the outcome.
For goodness sake, take no children to this movie. Some youngun's that paid for another movie and then snuck into this one were sorry that they did. At first they were animated and full of themselves for having been "brave" enough to break the rules. As the horror unfolded they grew deathly silent. Let's just say, a lesson well-learned.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

Forest Whitaker won an Oscar for his role as Idi Amin, the maniacal dictator that ruled Uganda by brute force in the 1970's.  When you watch this film, you'll know why.  Whitaker was born to play this character.  Forest didn't portray Idi Amin, he BECAME Idi Amin!  The charisma, the quirkiness, the violent mood swings that was the man comes alive before your eyes.  It is a special moment when one of Hollywood's finest gives the performance of a lifetime.
Dr. Nicholas Garrigan (James McAvoy) was much loved and trusted by the powerful dictator.  Kay Amin (Kerry Washington) was much loved by Dr. Nicholas.  Kay Amin has the same last name as Idi and she isn't his daughter.  Get the picture?  All adultery leads to trouble-this one is no exception.  All of this annoyance while poor Idi is busy slaughtering 300,000 of his countrymen.  No wonder he descended into madness so rapidly.
There are so many well acted scenes and perfect performances by so many good actors that the list would be too long for this space.  Suffice it to say that if you can stand the violence, by all means rent this movie.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    The Longshots :            PG            2008            94 mins
Our little town was making headlines. There was record-breaking heat all over the U.S., and we were the hottest. Temperature readings are taken in the shade. It was 106 degrees in the shade and no shade. On the practice field it had to be 115 degrees at least. In the parking lot, 125. Many of the little fellas had already quit the team. Some forced to by their mothers.
It was decision time for my grandson Charles. He had just turned eight years old, and along with the head coach's son, was the smallest kid on the field. Little Charles, as we call him, had never experienced anything like the physical brutality that full-contact football is. He'd had enough of 80 pound boys that were a head taller than him smashing into his 50 pound frame.
We walked slowly, sadly, to the car. He carefully placed his warrior gear into the trunk of the big black Cadillac. He didn't need this crap. He knew he didn't have to take it. You see, we also call him Prince Charles. When he'd been four years old he'd said: "Momma, take me to the beach.” She'd said: “Son, we don't have the money to go to the beach right now." Undaunted he replied with complete confidence: "That's alright. Paw-paw will take me."
I'm Paw-paw, and Charles was right. He could indeed sit comfortably in the stands unharmed. He'd be alright no matter what. His family would see to it. He was well protected and he knew it. He didn't HAVE to do anything if he didn't want to. But he knew something else too.
My father, his great-grandfather, had fought in World War II. I had played football for many years on scholastic football teams. His uncle, my son, had earned a scholarship to college playing football. None of us had had to do any of that either. But we did. And Charles knew it.
"I don't want you and Uncle Zach to be mad at me," he hesitantly stated. What he meant was, that he didn't want us to think less of him. Dare he say it? He didn't want us to stop loving him.
I went right to the heart of the matter. No one would ever be allowed to think that I didn't love my family. Least of all this little man! "Son, Uncle Zach and I wouldn't be mad at you. We'd be disappointed, but not at you. We'd be disappointed because we both know what you'd be missing if you didn't play football. But we wouldn't be mad at you. And we'd never stop loving you."
Charles hadn't said anything about love, but he was darn sure glad that I had! He stood there at the crossroads that met at the trunk of the Cadillac. He had to make the first big decision of his life. Charles didn't know it, but I was praying. Maybe he was too. At any rate, God was most assuredly there with us. "Paw-paw?”, he finally spoke. "What baby boy?" "I feel a little disappointed in myself. I think I made the wrong decision." "You can change your mind son. It's not too late." With that, he slipped into his shoulder pads in record time. I helped him with his jersey. "What should I do?", he asked, unsure of what the coach's reaction might be. "Put that helmet on your head and get your butt back out there with your team!"
He ran faster than I'd ever seen him run. I nearly had to bite my tongue off to keep from bawling like a baby.
Charles learned a valuable lesson that day. He learned that "It ain't the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog!" As of this writing, "Chuckie", (it's what the coaches call him 'cause he's little and tough like the movie character) has just turned nine and made the team again!
"The Longshots" is a football movie. It's about a Pop Warner team that, by the looks of it, doesn't have a chance. Small town; small team. Most of the kids don't have "a pot", and a certain pall hangs over the whole place. They stink so bad, they finally break down and try a girl out at the quarterback spot.
This movie is about courage in the face of near despair. It's about being more than you ever thought you could be, whether you're a boy or a girl. It's a true story about real people.
I'm so proud of Ice Cube for the positive messages he's been sending out lately with his films. He's not celebrating low class living anymore. These days, he's all about overcoming it. Obstacles my foot! Lets roll! No excuses!
This isn't "Remember the Titans" or even "Friday Night Lights", but it's a darn good movie. Solid. Respectable. Any time we can be reminded that "When the going gets tough, the tough get going", we should capitalize on that opportunity. Take your children-boys and girls- and you get going to see this film. Like the old folks used to say: "Walk tall, or don't walk at all."
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor :        PG-13        2008        112 mins
"Rush Hour" was a funny movie. "Rush Hour II" was a funny movie. For the third movie in the "Rush Hour" series the director pulled out a proven formula, blew the dust off of it and served it up because he could. Nothing new. Nothing different. Just a proven market commodity. It wasn't very funny.
Is the third "Mummy" movie that lame? Absolutely not! But the director got dangerously close to lame. To be fair, it isn't all his fault. Brendan Fraser as "Rick O'Connell" has become the heir apparent to "Indiana Jones”. It is a position that suits him and one that he is qualified for. I like him as an adventurer and I liked this film. The trouble is, I'm not sure Mr. Fraser did.
The movie will be successful because it is based on a formula that works, but it certainly isn't the best of the "Mummy" series so far. The action is a bit over done and lengthy in spots; mostly I'd say, to make up for the lack of interesting dialogue and character development. "Jonathan Carnahan" (John Hannah), the hilarious brother-in-law from the first two "Mummy" movies, could have been left out of this film completely. His part in this was awkward and unnecessary. The part of the son, “Alex O'Connell" (played by Luke Ford) was in competition with his dad, “Rick". It was almost like one actual part was written, but two different actors played that part simultaneously. Again, awkward and unnecessary.
Now don't get me wrong, despite weak acting, undeveloped characters, and unnecessary parts, this movie works. It’s just the kind of excitement one needs after a long week at work. Jet Li for example, is just right as the "Dragon Emperor" and the "Abominable-Chewbacca-Bigfoot-Snowmen-Thingy's" called "Yetis" were actually portrayed by real actors Michael Scherer and Scott Taylor who both did a fine job. (The "Yetis" were very cool-my favorite characters.)
All-in-all an entertaining effort with terrific special effects and clever concepts. I think many will find this film enjoyable. The theatre was full and the audience was happy. Good way to spend an evening. After all, we’ve got to stop going to see "The Dark Knight" sooner or later!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    The Perfect Game :            PG            2010            118 mins

1957 was the year General Motors made the totally unique '57 Belair. In the automotive world, the '57 Chevy is an iconic automobile. It was popular when it was new; it's popular to this very day. It's a collector’s dream car.

1957 is also the year that a foreign team won the Little League World Series for the first time. Thirty pounds lighter and several inches shorter than the average American Little-leaguer playing at the time, these young Mexicans legally entered the U.S.A. and pursued an impossible dream.

I haven't given away the plot. The fact that this event took place is in the historical record. The telling of the story is what makes this flick click. By all rights, these boys had no chance. To say that they were UNDERdogs is an UNDERstatement.

As is the case in any situation, it isn't the size of the dog in the fight- it's the size of the fight in the dog.

As is also the case in movie-making, some license is taken with the telling of the tale. That's okay. Most real-life stories have some parts that drag. A 100% factual film is called a Documentary. It isn't uncommon to miss parts of certain documentaries because you are yawning, or are already asleep. Part of the art of cinema is making the flick entertaining. THE PERFECT GAME is very entertaining.

You will not find this film at most theatres in your area. I actually went to what used to be called a metroplex, at a very large mall near where I live. My buddy Scott and I were looking for a movie we hadn't seen yet. There weren't any, except for THE PERFECT GAME. Being movie addicts, we went inside to view it. I am extremely glad that we did.

Occasionally life offers up some unexpected, very pleasant surprises. This underdog sports saga is one of those. Enjoy!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

Boy that's for sure! The blood will come from my scalp as I tear my hair out in frustration for having wasted over two and a half hours on this junk. Does Daniel Day-Lewis pick these quasi-intellectual yawners on purpose, or does he just have a bad agent? College age "stoners" on pig tranquilizers would watch about half of this pointless tripe and proclaim: "This movie sucks dude!".
Folks don't let anyone fool you. Van Gogh was a post impressionist painter who saw things with an abstract eye. I enjoy abstract. Lovers of this film would have you believe it is a "powerful and emotional masterpiece" akin to the works of Van Gogh. It isn't. It is a long drawn-out waste of film making talent.
To "give the devil his due" as the old folks say, this movie does have something in common with artwork. The artist that comes to mind is Picasso. For a long time, pencil- necked tweekers have tried to convince the world that the garbage that Picasso painted was art. His stuff looks like it was drawn by a five year old having an "episode" at the home for troubled children. Don't tell me that I "just don't get it" and that's why I can't appreciate such high art. The fact is that I do get it and that's why I can see through the charade and laugh at this farcical nonsense.
Yuck, yuck, and more yuck! If you want to see "a thinking man's movie" rent "No Country For Old Men". In the meantime, get me a blood transfusion.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    The Rocker :            PG-13            2008            102 mins
Vampires prefer the tender necks of young virgins to sink their fangs into. However, when such fare is not available, the blood-thirsty ghouls will bite into a nasty wharf rat out of desperation.
Such is the fate of movie addicts. Like a wino that was fresh out of nail polish remover, I needed my "flick fix". Any old nonsense would do. I took my seat in the theatre, almost ashamed of myself for being so desperate. But wait a minute. What's this? I needn't have felt so pathetic! What unfolded before my eyes was a film that refused to remain a "B" movie. "The Rocker" clawed it's way into "A" movie status! I was exonerated!
Please don't misunderstand me. "The Rocker" is hardly PEKING DUCK. But it ain't wharf rat either! More like a "Cheeseburger in Paradise", as the iconic Jimmy Buffet would say. Just like the young bass player in this films' fledgling rock band, "A.D.D.", you just know you're gonna smile sooner or later.
This little flick was an unexpected and pleasant surprise. Every humorous rock film cliché is in evidence, but without the more unsavory aspects that usually accompany most rock'n'roll movies. It is what it is, and it's served up just right.

"I like mine with lettuce and tomato. Heinz 57 and french fried potato. Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer; Good gosh almighty which way do I steer?" (Try the movie theatre parking lot....)

Easy to understand; a joy to watch. You'll walk out of the theatre with a big ole' smile on your face. Have fun!
Tks, Joel

PS: The "nudity" is Rainn Wilson's butt. He's drumming naked when he doesn't realize anyone can see him. Very funny stuff in one small scene. Probably wouldn't offend your grandmother.
    << Close Review

    The Social Network :            PG-13            2010            120 mins

The tag line says: "You don't get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies". Ain’t it the truth!

"The Social Network" started with a couple of simple objectives: Keep current (via computer) with the activities of your friends and enemies. Acquire, shall we say, female companionship for the long, lonely nights one experiences in the dreary confines of Harvard.

Initially there was no objective to make any money. Enter the gentleman who started "Napster". He persuaded "Mark Zuckerberg"(Jesse Eisenberg) to explore the financial potential of expanding "Facebook". The rest, as they say, is history.

Several problems arose with regard to a similar social networking scheme dreamed up by the "Winklevoss Twins". (Well played by Armie Hammer). Then along came the treacherous dealing with co-founder Eduardo Saverin. (The Eagles once sang: "Oh and it's a hollow feelin', when it comes down to dealin' friends. It never ends".)

The story rambles along and the former friends and schoolmates end up in court. In addition to being sued for a whole lot of money, Mr. Zuckerberg makes a whole lot of money- billions in fact.

It's the back story to the well-known phenomenon "Facebook", and it is fairly well told. Entertaining to be sure. So much so, that I'll probably see it again. However, this flick just didn't add up to its pre-release hype. It's not a "great" movie. It is, however, a darn good one. It is very popular at the box office, and when you see it, you'll know why.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

Hogsqueal is my favorite character.  What's yours?  You mean you haven't seen it yet?  What in the world.....Get going, this movie is priceless.  No hidden agendas (a la "The Golden Compass").  No mixed signals (a la "Harry Potter").  This is straight up good versus evil in a most classical form.  Under fives might be a little too frightened, so leave them with granny and paw-paw.  Everyone else get in the mini-van and head out.  First McDonald's(save room for popcorn), and then the theatre.
The tagline is: "Their world is closer than you think", and this flick will have you believing it!  A little healthy fantasy is fun far all ages and this thing is just suspenseful enough, just weird enough, just captivating enough to suit the whole family.  There are several creatures that will capture your attention and and a story line that moves right along. (No: "Mommy I gotta go potty" during this'n).
And let me tell you about Freddie Highmore.  This young man has talent.  He plays two brothers who are nothing alike.  The two brothers are in many scenes together and you'd swear it was twins playing the parts.  This boy will be worth keeping an eye on in the future. (And worth saying a prayer for; most child actors grow up screwed-up)  Nick Nolte, David Strathairn, Mary-Louise Parker, Joan Plowright, all turn in perfectly crafted parts.  Computer enhancements are flawless and unnoticed. (As they should be)  Film editing is seemless.  This is a cute little gem of a movie.
My advice is to go ahead and get Spiderwick Happy Meals while you're at Mickey D's before the show.  Otherwise you'll just have to haul screaming kids back to the restaurant afterwards when you're all tired.  Have fun at this film.  I know you will!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    The Tale Of Despereaux :            G            2008            100 mins
WATERSHIP DOWN meets ALICE IN WONDERLAND and they kick it old school. The animation is at once traditional and contemporary. The story is timeless.
Can a mouse teach us to be brave? (Are you a man or a mouse?) Can a mouse teach us Chivalry? Duty? Honor? Apparently so. Inspired by a book about a knight in shining armor that he found in the castle library, Despereaux (a most unusual mouse) teams up with a sworn enemy (a rat!), to save a human princess from an evil leader.
Sound absurd? Au contraire! (Or is that Despereaux contraire?) Kids, take your parents to see this film. They will be thrilled by the combination of fairy-tale-book and old style Disney animation. It's the stuff your folks grew up on before there were video games and iPods.
The voices are legend: Dustin Hoffman, Matthew Broderick, Emma Watson, Tracy Ullman, Stanley Tucci, William H. Macy, and Kevin Kline. As Rush Limbaugh would say: "Talent on loan from God". Sigourney Weaver's narration is smooth and captivating. All work was masterfully executed.
Sunshine, rain, and soup are also stars of this film. Not to mention the master chefs' alter-ego, who is a figure whose body parts are fruits and vegetables. I am not making this up! (But brilliant author Kate DiCamillo did.)
This is a film where the imaginary characters have imagination! Golly, what a sweet trick this flick is! You'll have a few days off with nothing to do this Christmas holiday. (It actually can get a little boring after Santa does his thing and you've caught up on your naps.) GO DESPEREAUX!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    True Grit :            PG-13            2010            110 mins

What absolutely unmitigated gall, to remake a classic Hollywood film like "True Grit"! Who would assume that they possessed the ability to do this project any justice? That would be Joel and Ethan, the Coen brothers.

How did they come by such confidence? Oh, I don't know. Maybe because of smash hits like "No Country for Old Men", or "Fargo". Those legendary successes will put some glide in your stride. Some jut in your strut.

And Jeff Bridges! Dude, are you nuts? Signing on to reprise what is perhaps John Wayne's finest portrayal EVER of a character in a movie. None other than "Rooster Cogburn". JOHN WAYNE for goodness sake! The "Duke". Folks have pictures of him hanging on their walls at home like he's one of the family. Just because you, sir have a legendary career spanning several decades, and seem to only get better with the passage of time, this was quite a risk! Yours to screw up!

Here's the deal: "Mattie Ross", a stubborn 14 year old girl hell-bent on avenging the death of her beloved father, hires U.S. Marshall Reuben Cogburn (better known as "Rooster") to find "Tom Chaney"(Josh Brolin), the man who killed her daddy. "Mattie" is portrayed by Hailee Steinfeld in an absolutely flawless Oscar-worthy performance. She and Rooster (Bridges) team up with a Texas Ranger named LaBoeuf (Matt Damon).

The trio encounters several odd characters whilst in pursuit of Chaney, who evidently has joined forces with the outlaw "Lucky Ned Pepper"(Barry Pepper).

As in "No Country for Old Men", ALL of the actors in this film, even those with small parts, completely disappear. What the audience is left with are fictional characters that come very believably alive right before our eyes.

Mattie, Rooster, LaBoeuf, Tom Chaney, and Lucky Ned interact so flawlessly that you'd swear that they were real people, not characters from what was originally a novel by Charles Portis.

The whole setting is helped along by period costumes and buildings and speech patterns that are very precise and historically correct. The realism is second to none. That's one of the attributes I admire most about the Coen brothers: they insist on realism right down to the smallest detail.

TRUE GRIT is a masterpiece. If it isn't the best movie of 2010, I don't know what is. All of the main characters turned in Oscar-worthy performances. I've seen the film twice and will surely go back at least one more time.

I strongly recommend this film to movie lovers everywhere!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    The Twilight Saga: New Moon :            PG-13            2009            130 mins

It often seems to happen that sagas get a little bogged down in the middle. The first release of a lot of trilogies (I'm thinking "Lord of the Rings", "The Matrix", etc.) are excellent. Then out come the second issues and despite the fact that they are good, solid movies, they simply aren't up to the standard set by the first go-round.

That seems to be the case with "New Moon". Don't get me wrong, this movie is quite good. It's just didn't reach the height of the bar set by the original "Twilight".

In this installment we get to see Edward's would-be replacement make his move on Bella. Jacob is something of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Really, he is.

The encounters between Indian were-wolves and vampires are all you'd hope for. The rest of it seems a bit choppy.

The first Twilight was nothing short of a modern version of Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet". NEW MOON is more of a romance novel you'd get at a discount store.

But there's hope! Most of the time, trilogy makers sit down and review their own efforts. They take stock and see where they lost direction. It seems that they say: "Hey, you know THIS is what we should have done; the direction we should have gone in!" At that juncture, they re-group and give us something like "The Return of the King" from the Lord of the Rings series.

I believe that's what will happen in this case. What is released next from the Twilight peeps should be a return to the greatness of the first outing. In the meantime this is a pretty darn good show, and we'll take it.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

Nobody sets out to make a lousy movie.  Despite that fact, there are plenty of lousy movies to go around.  On the contrary, no one can set out to make a great movie.  A few legendary directors do start out with the intention of making a good film. (Scorcese AND Speilberg come to mind).  With talent above the norm and a rolodex filled with the names of all the best people in the business, the legendary directors have little trouble finding a willing producer. Producers are like all investors-they desire a profit.  With proven box office winners tackling a new project, the money men line up.  Even with the big guns on board though, nobody intentionally makes a great movie.  Greatness simply can't be "done on purpose".
That brings us to "The Water Horse".  No big names here, just big hearts and unsung talent. This cinematic effort has what the French call "savoire faire".  That certain something.  The elusive "it" factor spoken of in the sports world.  You can't put your finger on "it", but "it" is there.  "The Water Horse" is a masterpiece.
The poor shlep that had the unenviable task of marketing this film failed miserably in presenting trailers that properly portrayed the movie.  The previews make this flick look amateurish and silly.  Water Horse is anything but.
Against a backdrop of stunning scenery and set in Scotland during World War II, a lonely young boy marks the days until his daddy's tour of duty is over and dad will once again be reunited with the family.  Frequent trips to the beach are mothers' way of keeping young Angus' mind off things. (And her mind as well.)  One fly in that ointment though-Angus is deathly afraid of water!
Everything changes when Angus finds an unusal egg at the shore. He longs for companionship, but mother allows no pets of any kind. His efforts to hide the thing that hatches from that egg are hilarious.
A disallusioned handyman and a sister coming of age are enlisted as operatives in Angus' plans.  A problem arises when the military needs their estate to establish an artillery bullwark to gaurd against Nazi submarines.
"Crusoe", the "sea monster" that stars in this adventure is something you'll never forget. His destiny is the loch that leads to the ocean, and he has several duties to perform before he can depart into true legendary status.  At least a half-dozen people need Crusoe's help and he is determined to help them whether they like it or not.
Folks, think "Home Alone" or "E.T." only more serious.  This is more of a comedy-drama than a kids movie. It is rated "PG" because the "monster" gets a little scary when he's upset, but a child of six or older would probably enjoy this film tremendously.  Take your wife, your sainted mother, grandma and the neighbors kids. There is no sex, no cussing, no beatings or murders.  I don't believe any of the Ten Commandments were broken during this film.  Truly great movies don't come along often.  See this one,then buy it when it comes out on dvd.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    The Wolfman :            R            2010            102 mins

Benicio Del Toro had a leg up in the casting department- he sorta looks like a werewolf in real life doesn't he?

I held out high expectations for THE WOLFMAN. Solid cast, great previews, cool subject matter. Lots of horror material that in the past was done in silly, campy fashion has been recently updated to reflect a more serious, and consequently more enjoyable approach to the genre'. I thought this would follow suit.

THE WOLFMAN developed line upon line into what started out to be a superb film, and then almost collapsed into "I Was a Teenage Werewolf", then almost TOTALLY collapsed into a slasher film!

It looks like they shot everything in one take, and then no matter what it turned out like, just spliced it all together in one crazy quilt.

Sir Anthony Hopkins, playing "Sir John Talbot", is an actor whom I have never seen display any weakness in his craft prior to this outing. It's kind of sad really... like watching Brett Favre in his most recent playoff game. Sir Anthony portrayed a really malevolent psycho, and then later on, portrayed a really silly one. They were both the same character.

There were elements of this film that were exquisite. Then at other times it was floundering around trying to transition from truly interesting "old school" horror, to new wave movie-making. It didn't make it.

The straw that finally broke this projects' back was the gore. It's like the director was saying: "How can we make cheesy gore not look like cheesy gore?" (I know teacher...I know! You can't!)

I don't know how one film can have so much good stuff in it and almost simultaneously have so much junk. Parts of this I gave my highest rating; others a mere 2.

If I learned anything from my misspent youth it's that you never dilute Jack Daniels with city water.

In conclusion let me say: "Sit Wolfie, sit....bad dog!

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    The X-Files: I Want To Believe :              PG-13             2008             100 mins
Friday was a rough day for my good friend Bryan. He had to put his much loved German Shepherd, Rolli, to sleep. I went through the same thing a few years back, and I knew exactly how he felt. I told him so. It didn't help. To make matters worse, his wife had to go to Greensboro and pick up the girls from Grandma's. Bryan was alone. What to do? We decided to go see the "X-FILES" movie. That didn't help much either.
I was a big fan of THE "X-FILES" television show. Like Barbara Mandrell, who was "country when country wasn't cool", I would turn on the TV. and pour myself a glass of water when drinking water wasn't cool. (It didn't have exciting names and it didn't come in plastic bottles.) I never missed an episode and thoroughly enjoyed each and every one of them. I liked the first "X-FILES" movie also, and figured this one would be something to see.
It was something to see alright. I'm just not sure what. To be fair, it was a faithful depiction of all of its predecessors. The original stars, David Duchovny ("Fox Mulder"), and Gillian Anderson ("Dana Scully"), were on board. Eclectic and brilliant director, Chris Carter was at the helm. Even "Mulder" and "Scully's" old boss, "Assistant Director Walter Skinner of the F.B.I." (Mitch Pileggi) was back! This project had a lot of promise.
A lot of promise but somehow no follow-through. As the sportscasters say: "It looked like a catchable ball, but he bobbled it". The story was very "X-FILES". The original strange and memorable music was in the background. "Mulder" was calm, cool, and collected. "Scully" was edgy and nervous. The graphics and editing were impressive and flawless. The characters were odd enough to fit this well-known format. This flick just didn't feel like a movie though. It seemed like the season premier of a television show. That level of cinematic entertainment will simply not do in this present day.
If Chris Carter was testing the waters to see if the "X-FILES" would still fly, I guess he got his answer. There were eight people in the theatre on a Friday night. Eight. The answer is apparently "NO".
This film felt more like a requiem than a reunion. The final putting to rest of a once much-loved friend. From time to time I still miss my old dog "Major". The "X FILES"? Not so much. I wanted to believe. I just couldn’t anymore.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    This Is It :            PG            2009            112 mins

As a performer, Michael Jackson was without peer. He didn't demand perfection from his dancers, musicians, and sound crew. He inspired it. The rehearsals they engaged in were ten times better than most performers' actual stage shows that people pay big money to see. Cirque de Soleil meets The Sound of Music. Rock n' Roll church the director called it.

As rock-docu-movie art, you'll be stunned by the quality of the choreography. Awed by the spectacular lighting and pyrotechnics. Blown away by the intensity of the dancing. Moved by the singing; the facial expressions; the histrionics.

The dancers didn't think that they could dance - they knew that they could. And sitting at the feet of the master they were superlative.

The band was a virtuoso ensemble fit for The King of Pop.

Did I mention that Michael could dance? In life he freely admitted that he emulated the moves of all the great ones: Fred Astaire, Danny Kaye, Gene Kelly. He danced like The Osmonds; the other four Jacksons; The Temptations. His sister Janet. He added his own unique and exotic flavors to the mix, and raised the whole "sha-bang" to a new level. (I'm thinking the stratosphere.)

This project didn't intentionally capture M.J. at his best. It captured him at his USUAL, which was perfection personified. While on stage, Michael was always at his best.

Is Jackson in "smoking" or "non-smoking" for all of eternity? I don't know and neither do you. Best not to speculate; it's not our call. Here's what I do know: He wrote lyrics that are poetic. That if sung from the lips of anyone else would be memorable. Sung by him? Timeless. He was a thought provoking storyteller. A philosopher that put all people under a microscope, starting with the man in the mirror.

In a word, THIS IS IT is magnificent! What is so poignant about this project is that this really is it. This documentary was shot without anyone knowing that in the blink of an eye, the one and only Michael Jackson would be gone.

Do yourself a big favor. See this one on the silver screen.

Best Line: "We brought the biggest fish from around the World and put them into one pond."

PS: Stay past the credits. Very cool...

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Thor :            PG-13            2011            114 mins

Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonalds, once said: "We take hamburgers more seriously than anybody else in the business." He had just a relative handful of restaurants at the time.

Currently, there are thirty-one thousand McDonalds worldwide, and Mr. Kroc is said to be responsible for making more men millionaires thru his owner/operator franchise system than anybody else in history. Now that's taking things seriously!

I sure am glad that "the powers that be" in movieland have taken another supposedly uncomplicated subject seriously- comic books!

Comic books have provided a seemingly limitless supply of superheroes and villains with which movie-makers can entertain us to no end.

The latest incarnation of comic book hero to morph into a matinee idol is the god of thunder- THOR. (Chris Hemsworth).

Unlike Theodore Roosevelt, the 26th President of the United States, "Thor" doesn't believe in "walking softly and carrying a big stick". THOR thunders like a herd of elephants everywhere he goes and carries a "mack-daddy" hammer that has more tricks up its handle than a magician’s top hat!

Along with wielding his hammer with great auTHORity, he also swings it with a certain degree of arrogance and general disregard. His father, the legendary Norse god Odin (Anthony Hopkins), gets about all he wants of Thor's vanity and disrespect and banishes him to Earth- without his hammer. From that point, things get really interesting!

Here's a short list of events:

• Thor gets hit by a car driven by three scientists (Natalie Portman, Kat Dennings, and Stellan Skarsgard).
• Thor gets tasered by one of the scientists.
• Thor's daddy falls ill back on ASGARD, Thor's home planet.
• Thor's brother "Loki"(Tom Hiddleston) ascends the throne. (Not such a good thing as it turns out...)
• U.S. law enforcement authorities discover Thor's hammer. (Also tossed to Earth by Odin, but its whereabouts are unknown by Thor, at least for awhile).
• Thor gets arrested after discovering the location, and attempting to retrieve, said hammer.

What happens after that? I can't tell ya, you'll just have to go see for yourself!

For the most part, the relaying of Thor's adventures is well told and action-packed. The CGI techniques are quite good, and the 3-D is absolutely pointless. While it doesn't detract from the film, it doesn't add to it either.

Folks, don't let useless 3-D stop you from following Thor's journey on Earth. Along the way, Thor learns a few valuable lessons from his new girlfriend. (Oh, I didn't tell you about her? Well, I'm sorry, I can't.) He becomes a lot more mature, and a lot less narcissistic. When he stops loving himself so much, we start loving him more.

In the end, the audience discovers Thor's a pretty good friend to have. I think you'll like him. I did.

P.S.: Stay through the credits.

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

    Tropic Thunder :            R            2008            107 mins
Pest control operators perform their very necessary services in a safe and efficient manner. In most instances their tasks can be done with toddlers and pets on the premises. The chemicals used are that harmless.
There is however, the occasional need for a different type of pest control. It's called a fumigation. The building is literally sealed off. Nobody is allowed inside. Large signs with bright red lettering warn in two languages: "Danger! Peligro! Fumigatione! Each sign has a foreboding image of a skull and crossbones on it. A guard is posted at all times. If a fumigation goes "south" nobody goes to the hospital, but most likely, somebody will go to the morgue. Extreme caution is advised.
Such is the nature of "Tropic Thunder”. If you know what you're in for, you can approach this film with caution and not regret it.
First off: Don’t take ANY female to this flick, no matter her age.
Secondly: Don't take any male under the age of 18 to this movie.
The "R" rating stands, at best, for "RAUNCHY". In my opinion, despite the fact that there is no sex or nudity, this film should be rated "X". (Folks forget that "X" denotes extremes of any aspect in a film, not just those of a sexual nature.)
There are vile cuss words in nearly every SENTENCE of dialogue and the film is knee-deep in blood and gore as well.
"Wait a minute, I thought this was a comedy?" It is. In fact it is brilliantly done in many aspects. The cast is phenominal. The special effects are impressive. The dialogue is hilarious. The opening scenes are so clever they took the audience completely by suprise. The ending was pure genius. I belly laughed throughout the whole movie. The cussing was simply very unexpected, uncalled for, and unneccessary. It nearly ruined a truly hilarious film.
If you can get past the vile language and non-stop gore, you'll see a brilliantly acted script and a very funny movie. Ben Stiller shouldn't limit his audience by being so disrespectful. His mother and father never resorted to such smut. Mr. Stiller is a funny man without all that trash.
Remember to proceed with caution if you're thinking of going to this movie.
  DANGER!   PELIGRO!  
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Twilight :            PG-13            2008            122 mins
This film is absolutely spectacular on every level. Each facet of this magnificently crafted project is without equal in its genre'. It is visually stunning and remarkable in every way that a movie can be judged.
Director Catherine Hardwicke, screen writer Melissa Rosenburg, and novelist Stephenie Meyer put a bunch of unknown actors, most of them quite young, in a position where they could be successful. And WOW, did those folks shine. The three afore-mentioned ladies deserve great respect for their efforts.
Please don't compare any movie to the book upon which it was based- EVER! A book can be read over several sittings and slowly absorbed over whatever period of time the reader determines and can be matched to each reader’s individual needs. A filmmaker has two hours or less to distill the essence of the story down into an entertaining gambit that can capture and hold the attention of a wide audience whose tastes vary, who may never have read the book, (nor desire too), and whose I.Q.s range from Forrest Gump to Albert Einstein. I dare say a book that one could read in two hours, wouldn't have the same entertainment value.
TWILIGHT is greater than the sum of its parts. And its parts are golden! The scenery is breathtaking. The lines are minimalist and remarkable. Each scene in this film has exquisite acting by mere youngsters that rise above the skill level of actors many years their senior.
Folks, TWILIGHT is nothing short of the "ROMEO and JULIET" of our time. Tender, dynamic, and unforgettable. This is why we go to the movies. Want to unwind this Christmas season? Go see TWILIGHT.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Underworld: Rise of the Lycans :            R            2009            92 mins

I always thought lichens were the algae that grows on tree trunks. (In the same family as pond scum.) After viewing Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, I realized my misconception was based on a spelling error.
Half human, half werewolf, the "Lycans" are the slaves of the "Death Dealers", aristocratic vampires that have bred them and held them captive for centuries. Now, nobody enjoys being enslaved, so it stands to reason that it would be only a matter of time before someone would take offense to this predicament and jump hot. Enter "Lucian".
"Lucian" was a trusted "pet" of sorts to "Viktor", the cruel vampire king. That relationship lasted quite a while until "Lucian's" loyalty came into question and "Sonja" became his lover. You see, "Sonja" was a vampire princess and the daughter of old King "Viktor". Like many fathers, "Viktor" took issue with his daughter’s choice of suitors. "Lucian" was little more than an animal, and certainly unworthy to be his daughter’s lover.
You can probably guess the rest of the story. But remember, this movie is a prequel. The main characters can't get killed off. They are in the other two UNDERWORLD films.
Better than it has to be, and better than you might think it would be, this blood feud flick is nothing if not entertaining. (Say "blood feud flick" five times very quickly.) Michael Sheen, "Lucian", plays his role well, despite the fact that he doesn't really look the part. Bill Nighy is super as "Viktor". Rhona Mitra is captivating and darkly beautiful as "Sonja".
Be forewarned, this film is frequently violent and occasionally down-right gory. But it holds your attention from beginning to end. I liked it and you might too. You never know until you go!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Unstoppable :            PG-13            2010            98 mins

Man what a good movie! Denzel Washington just brings along the fairy dust and sprinkles it on every project he's involved with. Magical! His co-star, Chris Pine, really impressed me as Captain Kirk in the last "Star Trek", and he is solid as can be in this runaway train thriller.

As the story goes, Denzel is an "old hand" with nearly three decades on the job, and Pine is a newbie with a slight case of the smart-butt attitude.

Not overjoyed with the prospect of having to work together, they man-up and do their best to "get 'er done" in a spirit of cooperation. It turns out to be a good decision.

Some lunkhead named "Dewey", (well played by Ethan Suplee) lets the train get away from him while trying to switch tracks in the train yard. What would be a medium-sized problem under normal circumstances gets out of hand. REALLY out of hand!

The most beautiful Rosario Dawson as "Connie" the yard master, does all she can to rectify the situation rapidly, but like Humpty-Dumpty's famous fall, some things are not easily fixed.

You will be on the edge of your seat as you watch "Frank" the engineer (Washington) and "Will" the conductor (Pine), make a valiant attempt to stop the hurtling juggernaut.

Lot's of side stories, and fine acting all around, make for one heck of an exciting film.

UNSTOPPABLE is, well you know....

Thx, Joel    << Close Review

Man what a concept!  Supposedly Dennis Quaid said this film was "Ground Hog's Day on steroids", but I am afraid that is an understatement.  This isn't different adaptations of the same story by one man happening over and over again.  This is the exact same story, on the exact same day, happening at the exact same time.  The twist is that the story is told from eight different vantage points by eight different people.  All eight folks were at the place in Spain where the President of the United States was to speak.  All eight folks had different reasons for being there. (some of them not so good reasons)  The movie actually starts over eight times.  You'd think that would be maddening, but it's not.
The potential for confusion in such a story-telling style is massive.  Thankfully that potential isn't reached.  What is reached is film editing perfection and a moviemaking first.  Forget the plot, the film editing technique is captivating all by itself.
But there is even better news.  The plot is actually pretty cool too.  We as viewers are treated to a human interest story from the private lives of each individual person from whom we get a different "vantage point".  Some of the outcomes in their personal dramas are exactly what youwould hope for.  Other outcomes will blow your mind.
Remember the old cereal commercial where three siblings are at the breakfast table contemplating whether to eat a new breakfast cereal or not?  The oldest (about six) tells the next in line, "give it to Mikey, he hates everything".  They are stunned when Mikey wolfs down the new food.  "He likes it, Mikey likes it" they proclaim and commence to eat it up.  I went with two of my buddies, Bryan and Mike, to see Vantage Point. Mike doesn't like too many movies. (talk about a harsh critic!)  But he liked Vantage Point.  Mikey liked it!  Folks, I think you'll eat it up too...
Tks,Joel    << Close Review

    Veterans Day :

My dad was in the Navy during WWII. My mother was a lieutenant in the Army Nurse Corp, same war. Most of my uncles and cousins were in WWII or Korea or Vietnam. Several of my high school classmates were killed in action in Vietnam. My daughter dated a guy who was in Desert Storm. Her dear friend is married to a Special Forces member who is in Bagdad as we speak. One of my closest friends was a sergeant in the 82nd Airborne Division. He saw action in Desert Storm.
Ask yourself this question: Like oxygen, what would we do without them? There have always been wars. According to the Bible, there always will be until Jesus comes back. Tell me how everyday life would go on without our military folk? Some fruitcake is always starting something somewhere. The selfless people in uniform allow us the privilege to sunbathe, watch movies, attend ball games, go to church, make love, raise families, build businesses, and generally pursue happiness each and everyday while we rarely even consider them. Like oxygen, we take for granted the very people that make our lives possible.
To commemorate Veteran's Day, my little town held an annual event. The military vets gathered at a central park in town. Dressed in their uniforms(which still fit I might add), these actual heroes (not silly T.V. show stars) hoisted "Old Glory" and rode on their iron horses (mostly Harleys) up one of the main streets in town. They smiled with pride and waived. I thanked God for them and cried.
They risk their lives and put themselves in harm's way. They know that at any given time they could die or be crippled for life. They do that for us. The least we could do is pray for them. God Bless America.

   Thanks vets,
        Joel

    << Close Review

    WALL-E :              G             2008             98 mins
Do you ever marvel at the way the makers of computer-generated movies just keep cranking out such wonderful little flicks? I do too.
"WALL-E" is yet another in a long line of animated films that is very amusing entertainment. It's not "2001: A SPACE ODDESSEY" as some over- enthusiastic folks would have you believe, but it is a fun little movie to watch.
Occasionally the producers of these kid's films will try to sneak in some politically correct nonsense here and there. It irritates me to no end when they try that junk. "WALL-E" is mostly devoid of THAT garbage.
No sense in me even hinting what the film is about. You and I both know that you'll probably end up seeing it at the theatre AND buying it when it is released on DVD!
Most parents don't even bother anymore to try and pretend that they don't like these animated ditties as much as their kids do. Heck, I've watched these flicks by myself before! (Although it's not as much fun without the little ones.) You'll see all your neighbors at the popcorn stand. Have fun!
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    Wanted :
As Gomer Pyle used to say- "Shazam"!!! Like a semi-truck pulling onto the entrance ramp of the interstate highway, this movie steadily picked up speed until it was rocketing across the screen at a breakneck pace. Its cargo was a ticking time-bomb.
The first scenes had a narrative dialogue that endeared us to hapless Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy). He's a lovable loser that is taken advantage of by everybody and it breaks your heart. But fear not, his fate changes when he meets a secret society of assassins who take a singular, intense interest in Mr. Gibson.
Morgan Freeman is cool as a cucumber as the society's leader "Mr. Sloan". Sloan's most accomplished pupil "Fox" (Angelina Jolie, who else?), could kill a man without a weapon. All she needs to administer is one smoldering look and Beowulf himself would be a goner. It's a good thing that I'll probably never meet Ms. Jolie in person. The touch of her handshake would melt the skin off of my bones, and despite my best efforts to the contrary, the Devil would have me uttering shameful suggestions concerning how we might while away the afternoon. Angelina, (this is me pretending we are on a first name basis) is undoubtedly the sexiest woman on the silver screen. She is absolutely hot as a match.
(Incidentally fellas, the "FYI" listed above that pertains to Sex/Nudity is 100% because of one scene that she appears in. As a man I feel it is my bound duty to inform you of this.)
The action scenes in this flick are ridiculous and impossible. That's why I love them! After a heavy dose of reality all week, I want to be dazzled. So bedazzle me already! This movie is filled with utterly exciting and amazing special effects.
By the time our boy Wesley Gibson is developed into a fully functioning killing machine, the ticking time-bomb has exploded into a runaway train that the audience simply can't get off of. Nor do they want to!
Badda-Bing, Badda boom, this cinematic explosion just takes you by surprise and doesn't let go. I am going back to be blown away again! WOWZER!!!
Tks, Joel

P.S. James McAvoy actually upstages Morgan Freeman and the other heavy-hitters in this film. Try wrapping your mind around that for a minute! This boy is one to keep an eye on...
P.P.S. Her name is "Jolie", mine is "Joel" .I think there's a connection here... Angelina, have your people call my people. Let Brad watch the kids.
<< Close Review

    Watchmen :            R            2009            163 mins

Umm...uhh...umm...I uhm... give me a minute. I'm at a loss for words. Help me out here. Eight great plots plus at least sixteen interesting subplots should make for one unforgettable movie right? And unforgettable is indeed the word for this project.
It's my understanding that it all worked out in the book. But did it all work out on the silver screen? Seriously, I need your help. A negative times a negative equals a positive right? But does an absurdity times an absurdity equal a stroke of genius? Most abstract artists think so. But I don't!
Now hold on, I'm not trashing this flick. I don't understand it well enough to discredit it. Heck, I can't even describe it! But let's try to.
"Silk Spectre II"(Malin Akerman) wore a costume that would make a French lingerie designer blush. She was sweet and loving and could kick your derriere (keeping with the French theme) faster than Bruce Lee. Her ex-boyfriend "Dr. Manhattan"(Billy Crudup) wore no costume at all. I mean none! His manhood was fully frontal for much of the movie. Did I mention that he was blue? Not just emotionally, but physically.
At the prison where a "Watchman" was incarcerated, the head bad guy was a midget. Although they never met, I kept wondering what the impact on the audience would have been had the big blue naked man encountered the crime boss midget. I believe it would have given new meaning to the phrase "in your face".
Portrayals of Henry Kissinger, Ted Koppel, Richard Nixon (serving his third term), Lee Iacocca, and a host of others were on display in this flick. Watchman "Rorschach" was a certifiable psychopath that helped people. His friend, "Nite Owl II" was a wuss in real life, but throw the super pigeon costume on him and he could scrap with the best of them. (See "derriere' above).
"Silk Spectre"("Silk Spectre II's momma), fell for her rapist "The Comedian". (He's supposed to be a good guy too....) Carla Gugino plays the mixed up mom in this movie. Ms. Gugino played the fun loving sado-masochistic girlfriend of Robert Deniro in "Righteous Kill". If Carla's not careful, she'll get a reputation as a sex pervert in Hollywood. Wait a minute, what am I saying? The entire population of "Tinsel Town" already has that rep. My bad.
I'm worn out from trying to describe anymore characters for you. Suffice it to say, this is one big, unhappy, dysfunctional super family!
Will I watch the WATCHMEN again? I dunno. I kinda doubt it. I don't like to hear The Lord's Name taken in vain repeatedly. And a man's blue junk hanging out for much of the screening isn't up my alley either. It's long. (The movie, not blue man's stuff.) Two hours and forty-three minutes. It's also very weird and pieced together in a jagged patchwork of flashbacks, future projections, the here and now, and life on Mars.
Starting to get the picture? Good, 'cause I don't! To be fair, this film was entertaining from beginning to end. No dull moments. But no real "point" to speak of either. The music was wonderful. The special effects as good as any I've ever seen.
One of the umpty-leven story lines in this flick has the U.S. Government trying to get rid of the "Watchmen". That might not be such a bad idea.
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Where the Wild Things Are :            PG            2009            101 mins

Movie Tickets: $20.00
Popcorn & Drinks: $14.00
10 Year Old Grandson's First Movie Review: Priceless!

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Wild Things is AWESOME!

A little boy gets in so many arguments with his family he runs away. He found a boat and sailed away. He went to an island.

There were these people there that he didn't know. One of them became his good friend, but he got mad at him and knew it was time to leave.

He missed his mom, so he went home to her. Because even though he got mad at her sometimes, he loved her all the time.

Go see WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. It's a very good movie.

Thx, Little Charles (Joel's Grandson)    << Close Review

One could be forgiven for thinking that Tyler Perry's movies are targeted exclusively at black audiences, but it would be a sad thing if folks of other races stayed away.  Tyler is a man of true genius.  He has a way of getting his point across that is not judgemental or harsh, but still cuts straight to the heart of the matter.
Marriage is an important institution.  You can't "fall" in love like you fall in a mud puddle.  Love develops over time and needs to be tended to and nurtured like all precious things.  Love has no higher calling than marriage.  Mr. Perry has a deep understanding of love and family.  It shines thru in all of his films.  If you've ever seen his "Madea" character, you'll know what I mean.  If you haven't, next time you're in the video store pick up anything by Tyler Perry; you won't be disappointed.
The situations the couples in this movie encounter are all too typical without being uninteresting.  The director sneaks in morality lessons without being preachy.  God and a relationship with God is openly discussed without being rammed down your throat.  This is the same movie where sex (or the lack there of) is also openly discussed. (Hey, God is okay with sex; after all He created it.)  The clothes are nice.  The cars are cool.  The women are beautiful. (Ladies, I guess the men are handsome, but you'll understand if I don't care about that, won't you?)  The snow scenes are very refreshing, especially after the hot, dry summer we've just experienced here in the south.
The nice thing about all of Tyler's movies is the fact that they are funny!  Catch this one while it's still in the theatre if you can.  Grandma will watch the young-uns. (You know she loves to.)  This is a great movie for couples.  Eat some popcorn, snuggle with your spouse and feel the love jump off the screen.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

Today I am sad.  All fans of Larry the Cable Guy please doff your hats and bow your heads in a moment of silence......  This movie isn't very good.  If I didn't like the guy so much, I'd say this flick sucks.  The presence of two of God's lovely creatures, Jenny McCarthy and Ivana Milicevic, couldn't save this film.  A very funny acting job by Joe Mantegna couldn't save this film.  The likes of Eric Roberts and Yaphet Kotto couldn't save this film for goodness sake!  Larry himself is actually quite comical throughout most of the movie, but it is all for nought.  The timing is off, the script is very weak, the jokes are lame as often as they are funny.  This thing just doesn't work.  The overall "B" movie quality of this flick just brings the whole endeavor to its knees.  I don't care who you are, that Witless Protection movie just ain't very funny.  Sorry Larry.  :(
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

    X-Men Origins: Wolverine :            PG-13            2009            107 mins

Shaboobalee! If you want to see a good "X-Men" movie, go see any of the other ones released in recent years. If you want to see a GREAT "X-Men" movie, go see X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE.
Following "Logan/Wolverine" from childhood to his earliest days as a disgruntled government worker, we learn of his true relationship to "Victor Creed/Sabre Tooth". We discover his softer side. The one that existed before he met "Major William Stryker", a man bent on turning Logan into a ruthless killing machine completely devoid of compassion. We meet his soul-mate. The love of his life. The woman he can't live without.
What's cool about this latest "X-Men" incarnation is the fact that it portrays storyline first, action second. So many movies of this genre' attempt to dazzle you with special effects only. The story is usually weak and used only as filler. Not so with "Origins". You will find yourself engrossed in the tale, and enjoying the razzmatazz as the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. (The way it should be, in my opinion.)
A refreshing prequel that doesn't scream,

"Hey look at me. The director was actually out of ideas, but the producers wanted to milk this cash cow for all she's worth!",

X-MEN ORIGINS never disappoints.
I would be remiss in my duty if I didn't mention Will.i.Am. From the kickin' sounds of the "Black-Eyed Peas", to the absolutely hilarious voicing of MADAGASCAR'S "Moto-Moto", this young man has talent to spare. Like others that have switched from audio to video (Ice Cube, Will Smith, L.L. Cool J), you can bet your last money that you will see him again. You'll see him this time as "John Wraith".
A note to the ladies in the audience: Hugh Jackman (Wolverine), has been eating his Wheaties. I believe that you girls will enjoy that aspect of this film. (Fellas, we'll have to spend a lot more time in the gym to keep up....)
All-in-all a very satisfying flick. These pre-hyped-to-the-max offerings have been known to make a gurgling sound as they wound down the drain. But not this baby. It rocks!
Tks, Joel     << Close Review

    Yes Man :            PG-13            2008            104 mins
Everybody hates a "yes man" don't they? Not anymore! As Rush Limbaugh would say: Jim Carrey has more fun than any human being should be allowed to have!
Mr. Carrey elevates low-brow humor to high-brow status like no other comedian that I know. In fact I don't understand exactly how he achieves it, but he does! A young friend of mine at Eastgate Cinemas said YES MAN is LIAR LIAR unleashed. He absolutely nailed it!
YES MAN is a sweet, funny, quirky love story that is just so light-hearted and entertaining that you can't help but feel good when it's over. This flick is just a lot of fun!
I believe Jim Carrey truly loves people and likes to make them laugh. Wouldn't he be a scream to be at a party with? Folks, you can party with him vicariously through his latest movie YES MAN. Who doesn't need a good laugh occasionally?
Tks, Joel

PS: Don't run for the hills when the credits start rolling.... hint, hint     << Close Review

    You Don't Mess With The Zohan :
YEA! I knew Adam Sandler would get there sooner or later. I've always liked the dude, but his movies were so quirky and inconsistent that they drove me nuts! Not to mention that the lovable loser shtick was getting old. "Fifty First Dates" gave me hope. So did the remake of "The Longest Yard". I enjoyed both of those flicks immensely.
With "Zohan" Mr. Sandler has arrived. This is a funny, funny movie. No more films for twenty-somethings only. No more excuses for adolescent behavior and refusing to grow up. This one is for everybody!
A former Israeli counter terrorist, Zohan moves to America to start a new life. In his words he wants to: "find a woman to love and make the boom-boom". He also wants to cut and style hair. His folks laugh at him and think he's gay. His old enemies think he's dead until one recognizes him alive and well in a New York City salon. And his girlfriend? She's Palestinian. (Ouch!)
Terrific script and brilliantly cast. Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider, and John Turturro are an absolute scream . Comedy film-making from off of the top shelf. Good, good stuff.
There is something of a patriotic twist to this thing too. See if you can figure it out while your at the theatre enjoying this new benchmark in Adam Sandler's career.
Tks, Joel    << Close Review

The chemists at a paint factory can explain the ins and outs of acrylic vs. oil based paint.  Consumer reporting agencies can tell you if one coat will suffice or that perhaps you should use two.  Interested yet?  Naw, me neither.  If you're going to make a movie whose plot has been done to death, you better make it more interesting than watching paint dry.
The serial killer who called himself "Zodiac" is a real historical figure.  The police were pretty sure they knew his identity.  Evidence was hard to pin on this criminal genius.  That didn't stop them from going over and over it for 2 1/2 hours of screen time though.  Evidence gathering and processing is tedius, methodical, and boring.The reason C.S.I. Miami, Las Vegas, and New York are all such popular shows on television is because they take some artistic liberties with the presentation. (As well they should.)  Their shows are engaging and fun to watch.
I believe even the folks making this film got tired of it plodding along.  After 2 1/2 hours of sheer boredom it just ended suddenly with some on screen print explaining that they never were able to pin the crimes on the guy they suspected of being "Zodiac".  Their suspect died of a heart attack before the loose ends could be tied together!  I just about threw my ice tea glass at the t.v. screen.  How could they do that to me after I kept patiently waiting all that time for something exciting to happen?
This dvd is on sale at most video stores.  Don't buy it.  It broke the number one most important rule of movie-making: it's not entertaining.  Instead spend your money to get the sountrack because it has very cool classic rock music on it.  Alas, where is Jerry Bruckheimer when you need him?
Tks, Joel     << Close Review